Kayhar is a singer, artist, and trans activist who found a unique way to combine her personal journey with her passion for music. Rather than simply documenting her transition, she transformed it into an artistic story, using YouTube to introduce herself as a singer while sharing the deeply personal experience of becoming the woman she knew herself to be. Her first transition video, a cover of Coldplay’s “Fix You,” reached hundreds of thousands of viewers and brought her story to a wide audience. But it was her second project, a performance of “Battlefield” featuring Kayhar singing alongside a recording of her pre-transition self, that truly demonstrated her creative approach. The duet became something of a conversation between her present and past selves, allowing her to look back at the person she once was while celebrating how far she had come. Music was not simply a career ambition for Kayhar. It became a source of identity, expression, and empowerment. She dreamed of releasing her first EP and hoped to build a career that could challenge the limited ways in which transgender women were represented in popular culture. Her ambition was unapologetic: she wanted to become the first trans woman to receive a Grammy nomination and, one day, perform live on Saturday Night Live.
Kayhar’s journey was also shaped by the transgender women who came before her. Her lifelong friend and transgender model Giana Caceres was particularly important, providing support and a real-life example at a time when Kayhar was struggling with her own gender identity. She also looked up to Dina Marie Delicious. These women showed her that another future was possible, and Kayhar hoped eventually to become that kind of role model for someone else. As she put it, representation can save lives. Coming out, however, was not simply a matter of explaining herself to other people. Kayhar describes accepting herself as a trans woman as the hardest part of her journey. The seemingly endless process of hormones, cosmetic procedures, explaining her identity, navigating dating and employment, and constantly clarifying who she was eventually taught her an important lesson: self-acceptance had to come first. Beyond music, Kayhar had a background in the New York City Clubkid nightlife scene and embraced fashion as another form of self-expression. She saw clothing as freedom and empowerment, bringing the same creativity to her personal style that she brought to her music. In this interview, Kayhar talks about music, YouTube, transition, self-acceptance, the women who inspired her, fashion, activism, politics, love, and her ambitious dreams for the future. Above all, hers is a story about refusing to wait for permission to become the person she wanted to be. Kayhar was determined not merely to tell her story, but to turn it into art, visibility, and ultimately a message of empowerment for other transgender women.
Monika: Welcome, Kayhar. Your powerful vocals and openhearted storytelling have touched so many people through the transition videos you’ve shared on YouTube. It’s wonderful to have you here today.
Kayhar: Hi Monika! Thank you so much for having me.
Monika: For readers just meeting you, how would you introduce yourself?
Kayhar: Sure thing. My name is Kayhar, and I’m an artist and trans activist. Music and advocacy go hand in hand for me, and I try to use my voice in every way possible.
Monika: What first inspired you to document your transition on YouTube?
Kayhar: I always wanted to make one of my own, but I wanted mine to be memorable. I also wanted an opportunity to introduce myself as a singer. Eventually, I came up with the idea to combine both in one video. It felt like the perfect way to blend my personal journey with my passion for music. Looking back, I wouldn’t have done it any other way.
Monika: Your first video, a cover of Coldplay’s “Fix You,” has been viewed by more than 330,000 people. That’s an incredible reach!
Kayhar: Thank you! I’m aware of how fortunate I am to have had my story reach so many people. I hope that every other transition video out there receives the same amount of support as mine. It’s a reminder that visibility matters and can truly touch lives. Every comment and message I receive reminds me why I started this journey.
Monika: Then there’s “Battlefield,” where you perform a duet with your pre-transition self. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything quite like that.
Kayhar: The idea for that video was also conceived with the concept of “memorable” in mind. Luckily, I found an old video of myself pre-transition covering “Battlefield.” Clearly, the end result was a bit pitchy. However, the message came across quite well in my opinion. Trans women are a force to be reckoned with. I wanted to showcase how far I’ve come and honor my journey in a creative way. It was also an emotional experience, almost like a conversation with my past self.
Monika: Any exciting new projects on the horizon?
Kayhar: Yes! I’m happy to announce that I will be launching a Kickstarter campaign to help me fund the production and release of my first EP. I’ve written an original song specifically for this campaign. I’m working on releasing a live performance video of that song with a band composed of trans women on the date of the Kickstarter campaign launch. It’s a project close to my heart, and I can’t wait to share it with the world. It’s more than just music, it’s a statement.
Monika: We have so many talented transgender singers, Justin Vivian Bond, Amanda Lear, Namoli Brennet, Canary Conn, Marie France, Dana International, Mina Caputo, Diamond Stylz, Laura Jane Grace, and many more, yet none has broken into the mainstream charts. Could you be the one to change that?
Kayhar: I certainly hope so. Mainstream America is craving something completely original. Our iPhones and music charts are chock full of pop stars whose careers are designed and built by LGBT people. However, very few LGBT people have made it to the top. Why is that? Why are we good enough to create art and trends, but never good enough to be the poster child for what WE create? This is true for transgender women specifically. We’re often mistaken for undesirable creatures with nothing much to offer other than a chuckle at our own expense, or a cheap, discreet thrill for most of our admirers. With the recent rise of talented, intellectual transgender women in the media, THIS WILL CHANGE. The industry is shifting, and I hope to be part of that movement. The world is ready for a transgender pop star.
Monika: Did you have any trans role models when you began your transition?
Kayhar: My lifelong friend and transgender model Giana Caceres served as my closest role model. She supported me when no one was even aware of my gender identity disorder. With her help, I was able to begin my transition. Had I not experienced her journey to serve as a blueprint, I may have probably given in to my deep depression. Dina Marie Delicious also played an important part as a role model for me. I’m very grateful to have had these women to look up to. Role models are vital, and I hope to be that for someone else now. Representation truly saves lives.
|
| “Accepting myself as a trans woman was probably the most difficult part.” |
Monika: Looking back, what was the hardest part of coming out?
Kayhar: Accepting myself as a trans woman was probably the most difficult part. Coming to terms with my own gender wasn’t something I expected I’d have to do. I knew that other people would have an issue with it, but I wasn’t aware that I too would dislike the rituals of HRT, cosmetic procedures, announcements, and clarifications of my gender, dating, employment, and so on. It’s all so exhausting. After about a year of the same routines, you reach a point where it no longer matters anymore. You learn not to care if you aren’t understood, as long as it doesn’t interfere with who you are. Self-acceptance is the foundation for everything else. Once I embraced myself, everything else fell into place.
Monika: Are you politically active? Do you believe transgender women can make a real difference in politics?
Kayhar: I’d like to see more trans women run for office. We lack sufficient representation of trans women in politics, as well as on the boards of LGBT-related organizations. As a result, we’re often cut out of legislation that supports the equal treatment of LGBT people. It’s important for us, trans people, to monitor and lead these organizations so that equality is secured for all LGBT people and not just some. Visibility in politics can help bring real change, and we need more voices at the table. The more of us who step up, the stronger we become as a community.
Monika: How about fashion? Do you have a personal style, or favorite trends you gravitate toward?
Kayhar: Before my transition, I spent years as a Clubkid in the NYC nightlife scene. I consistently wore many of my own original pieces. Fashion is a big part of my life, and I think you’ll see that in my upcoming projects. Expression through clothing is empowering, and I love experimenting with style. Fashion is freedom.
Monika: Do you stay involved with your local LGBTQ+ community?
Kayhar: I try as much as I can to be a part of events in my local community.
Monika: Do you picture marriage and family somewhere in your future? How important is love to you?
Kayhar: I will someday have children of my own. That is a fact. Preferably, I’ll have a husband, a house, a white picket fence, and a family dog, too. All jokes aside, I do dream of that day, though at the moment my primary focus is my art. Love is beautiful, and I look forward to experiencing it fully. Until then, I’m married to my music.
Monika: What advice would you offer transgender women who are afraid to transition because of discrimination and hate?
Kayhar: I’d tell them to take a page out of Nike’s book: just do it. Most of the things holding you back are in your head. The rest, it can be dealt with. Yes, discrimination and hate exist, but the world is changing. Don’t put off your happiness for a future that’s uncertain. Start living now.
Monika: Where do you see yourself in the next five to seven years?
Kayhar: Right now, my top priority is my first EP. But my long-term goal? To be the first trans woman to earn a Grammy nomination. And my childhood dream? Performing live on Saturday Night Live, mark my words, it’s going to happen!
Monika: Would you say you’re a happy woman these days?
Kayhar: Absolutely. Happiness is living authentically.
Monika: Kayhar, this has been such a pleasure. I hope the same light that carried you through “Fix You” keeps guiding you forward, though honestly, no one ever needed to fix you. You’re already amazing just as you are.
Kayhar: Thank you again, Monika. The pleasure was all mine.
All the photos: courtesy of Kayhar.
© 2013 - Monika Kowalska
