Shauna Marie O’Toole is a woman whose life story reads like an epic, full of resilience, reinvention, and radiant authenticity. An activist, scientist, engineer, educator, and mother, Shauna has lived many lives before fully embracing the one that brings her the most joy: her life as a transgender woman, committed to fighting for justice and equality. Currently living in Geneva, New York, she is the Director of the We Exist Coalition of the Finger Lakes and a proud voice for her community. Her activism is grounded not only in policy and advocacy but in profound personal experience, from moments of homelessness to the power of reclaiming identity and voice.
A self-described “accidental heroine,” Shauna began publicly transitioning at the age of 50, documenting her journey in her deeply moving memoir, You Can’t Shave in a Minimart Bathroom. With honesty and heart, she has spoken out about the joy and heartbreak of transition, the importance of chosen family, and the continued fight for transgender visibility in political and social arenas. Whether she's standing at the podium at the Women's March in Seneca Falls or speaking from her heart in a quiet classroom, Shauna radiates the kind of quiet courage that changes lives. In this interview, we meet a woman who has not only walked through fire for her children and her truth, but who continues to stand tall, spine forged in steel, voice full of empathy, so that others might walk a little more freely. With her fierce intellect, biting humor, and unwavering hope, Shauna reminds us that authenticity is not only beautiful, it is revolutionary.
Monika: Today, I have the pleasure and honor of speaking with Shauna Marie O’Toole, a passionate American transgender rights activist based in Geneva, New York. Over the years, Shauna has worn many hats, technician, engineer, scientist, educator, and she is also the author of You Can’t Shave in a Minimart Bathroom (2009). She actively volunteers with the Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley and serves as Director of the We Exist Coalition of the Finger Lakes. Most recently, she announced her candidacy for the 54th New York State Senate seat, running on the Democratic ticket. Welcome, Shauna, and thank you for joining me today!
Shauna: Hi, Monika! Thank you so much for having me. I’m delighted to be here and excited to chat with you.
Monika: Your background is incredibly diverse and inspiring. Could you share some of the most memorable experiences that have shaped your journey so far?
Shauna: What I can say is that this has been a very full life! I have done everything from (legally) digging holes in cemeteries for a living to helping with a project that flew on shuttle Atlantis during STS-34. My students used to ask if there was anything I haven't done. My typical answer was that I wasn't sure... Life has certainly offered me an unconventional resume, and I’ve cherished every unpredictable turn.
Monika: That’s quite an extraordinary range of experiences. How would you say your past shaped the way you approach activism today?
Shauna: While I have had a myriad of adventures back in my Before Days (pre-transition), my best adventures are the ones still ahead. That means fighting for the same rights and privileges that every other American has. Nothing extra, just the same. I believe that true equality comes not from special treatment, but from being treated with the same respect and dignity as anyone else.
Monika: Your advocacy has spanned many issues and campaigns. Looking back, which legislative or policy efforts have you found the most impactful, and why?
Shauna: New York's Marriage Equality Act is the most successful initiative, even though the law does not include the transgender community. The law talks about same-sex marriages, not same-gender ones. (Sex is your role in reproduction; gender is your self-perception. That is why we are not protected under SONDA, the Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act.) Despite its limitations, the Act represented a major cultural and legal shift, which made future fights more possible.
Monika: That distinction between sex and gender is so often misunderstood. What are you currently focused on in your advocacy efforts?
Shauna: I’m still fighting for the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act here in New York State. I’m working with several organizations to help promote that, including my own nonprofit organization. The work can be slow and frustrating, but it's necessary if we want real, lasting change.
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| Available via Amazon. |
Monika: What inspired you to write your autobiography, You Can't Shave In a Minimart Bathroom (2009), and what did the writing process mean to you personally?
Shauna: Minimart is my transition diary. A few stories were added here and there. A few things were edited and wordsmithed. However, this is where I was able to talk freely during this incredible journey toward authenticity. I knew there would be things I would want to remember and share. If I didn't write them down, they would have been lost. Writing it was as much for my future self as it was for others who might one day walk the same path.
Monika: Do you remember when you began writing the book, and what was happening in your life at that moment?
Shauna: I started writing this book on November 1, 2003. That was the day after I accidentally came out to the world. It was chaotic, overwhelming, and strangely liberating all at once. That moment became a turning point I could never walk back from.
Monika: Which parts of your experience do you believe are most helpful for other transgender women who might be navigating similar challenges?
Shauna: Understanding that it's not just you, but everyone in your family who is transitioning. Some will accept. Some will reject. Regardless, we all need to be who we are. Change can be painful, but we get to the other side and are happier than we have ever been in our previous life. We find more self-confidence. Plus, we find a new family that welcomes us with open arms. The loneliness at the beginning is real, but it doesn't last forever.
Monika: You transitioned at the age of 50. Do you ever wish you'd done it earlier?
Shauna: I am asked this a lot. No, I don't. The reason is simple: my son. If I had done anything differently, I would not have this incredible young man for a son! I would walk through the flames of Hell itself if my love as a mother called for it. My son (21) is everything to me. I hope someday that my daughter (27) may return, but that is not how the smart money bets. I’ve learned that timing isn't always ours to choose, but the outcome can still be deeply meaningful.
Monika: When you were beginning your transition, were there any public figures or individuals who inspired you or gave you hope?
Shauna: Not really. It's hard to believe, but there was even less positive representation of us in the early 2000s than there is now. I remember a very short-run show called TRANSform Me. One of the stars was Laverne Cox. Of the three trans women on the show, I thought she was the most eloquent and thoughtful. Her words were always well-considered to make a specific statement. Seeing someone like her on screen gave me a glimpse of what was possible, even if it was rare.
Monika: Beyond public media, did you find any sense of community or support online during those early years?
Shauna: There was a bulletin-board site I used to visit frequently. This was back before Facebook, Twitter, and other social media platforms even existed. There were several trans women on the site who just seemed to have it all together. I don't know if they were my role models, but they did teach me that we need to have each other's backs. If we don't, no one else will. That digital space, small as it was, often felt more like home than anything else at the time.
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| A portrait taken for Trillium Health. |
Monika: In recent years, have there been any transgender women whose work or visibility you find particularly inspiring?
Shauna: Laverne Cox and Janet Mock. Danica Roem is high on that list! She just won an election to the Virginia legislature! I plan to be the next in 2018. These women have shown the world what leadership with authenticity and grace looks like, and they remind me that representation truly matters.
Monika: Many transgender women face significant personal losses when they come out. Did your journey toward living authentically come with sacrifices as well?
Shauna: I could talk for hours on this! If you talk with any vet, they will readily say that the price of freedom is not free. Within a few years of coming out, my relationship with my brother became strained, not so much with my sister and mother. Dad passed away about 14 years before this adventure began in earnest. My kids were trying to wrap their heads around having a female father. I was no longer teaching. I was couch-surfing and homeless for two years. Most of my paycheck from a large local food mart went to child support. Some weeks, I had just $10 for the week’s food. It was one of the hardest and most clarifying times of my life, and I’ll never forget the lessons it taught me.
Monika: That must have been incredibly difficult. What impact did losing so much have on your perspective and resilience?
Shauna: I lost damn near everything, save for the clothes on my back and a couple of laundry baskets of stuff. Talk about getting back to basics and fundamentals! What it did was strip away all the fluff we fill our lives with. Those two years honed me in ways nothing else could have. It forged a kind of clarity and determination that I now carry with me in every battle I face.
Monika: Despite everything you endured, you’ve remained fiercely committed to advocacy. What fuels that passion?
Shauna: It tempered my backbone into steel and gave me a firm resolve to do whatever I can so that no one else would ever have to go through this, or worse. And, given all the difficulties I had, it was nothing compared to my trans sisters of color. No more! Not on my watch! The fire in me now is for them, for every young trans person trying to survive and thrive in a world that wasn’t built with us in mind.
Monika: Today, transgender women are gaining visibility in all walks of life, whether in arts, politics, or business, and voices like Laverne Cox proudly declare, “Trans is beautiful.” But looking beyond the headlines, what’s your perspective on the current reality for transgender women in society? Are we truly making progress, or is this just the beginning of a long struggle?
Shauna: We are in the midst of a cultural revolution, similar in scale to the sexual revolution of the ’70s. Thriving?! Not even close! Look at the actions of the current administration and state governments across the country. Title VII protections have been rolled back. There have been attempted bans on trans people serving in the military and on trans veterans receiving care. The political climate feels increasingly hostile. Despite increased visibility, systemic discrimination and barriers remain firmly in place, reminding us that real change is still a long way off.
Monika: Given these serious setbacks, what challenges do transgender women face today, and how are these impacting the community?
Shauna: At the state level, there are multiple bogus bathroom bills. Reports of harassment, both verbal and physical, are rising. There were a record number of known hate crime murders targeting transgender people, both here and abroad. Thriving? No. We are not close to thriving. We are facing a massive backlash, and we are fighting for our very right to exist. The fight is ongoing, and it demands our resilience, solidarity, and unrelenting activism to push back against these attacks.
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| At The Good, the Bad, and the Funny - an open mic for the Transgender/Gender Expansive Community. |
Monika: The transgender movement is often grouped together with the broader LGBTQ community. As the “T” in this acronym, do you feel the transgender community has been able to effectively promote its own issues and identity within the larger LGBTQ spectrum?
Shauna: The “T” was lumped in with the LGB decades ago by the cisgender/heterosexual (CisHet) world. The “Q” was added only recently. There are still gay people who think we’re simply afraid to come out as gay. They confuse gender identity with sexual orientation because, in their minds, we must be dating men now! (Not even close! I’m a lesbian!) This misunderstanding has made it harder for us to have our unique struggles recognized and respected within the community. Awareness is growing, but we still have a long way to go.
Monika: How has this misunderstanding affected the relationship between transgender people and other parts of the LGBTQ community, like lesbians and gays?
Shauna: There are still lesbians who think we’re men in skirts. They believe we dress like this to attack women and take away their private spaces. We worked damn hard to get Marriage Equality passed in New York State, with the understanding that the lesbian and gay communities would help push for the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act (GENDA) next. Unfortunately, after marriage equality passed, the lesbian and gay community largely abandoned the fight for transgender rights, which was both painful and discouraging. That said, alliances with the bi and queer communities have strengthened, and many in the gay, lesbian, and CisHet communities have stood firmly with us. Solidarity remains crucial for our progress.
END OF PART 1
All photos: courtesy of Shauna Marie O'Toole.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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