Interview with Celeste

Celeste is a vibrant 22-year-old transgender woman from Chicago, currently pursuing a degree in theatre set design. With a passion for cars, architecture, and creativity, she enjoys sharing her transition journey on social media to inspire others, especially those just beginning their own paths. For Celeste, posting is about more than just celebrating personal milestones, it’s a way to offer guidance and validation to early-transition individuals who may be struggling, much like she once did. The name “Celeste” holds deep personal significance for her, chosen after years of reflection and connection to a character she wrote in her fiction. Initially hesitant, Celeste’s parents came to fully support her decision to begin hormone replacement therapy, after a year of emotional discussions. Although she’s faced her share of challenges, like navigating dysphoria, a difficult job experience, and workplace discrimination, Celeste remains hopeful, focused on the joy of being seen as her authentic self. While she’s inspired by figures like Hunter Schafer, Celeste doesn’t follow many transgender role models. Instead, she believes in living unapologetically and encourages other trans women to do the same. For her, the ultimate goal is simple: to be recognized not as a "trans woman," but as a woman in her own right. Through love, authenticity, and unwavering self-acceptance, Celeste is building a future where she can simply be herself, without limits or comparisons.

 

Monika: Hi Celeste, it's so great to have you here! I'm really excited to chat with you.

Celeste: Hi Monika! Thanks for having me! It’s a pleasure to talk to a fellow transgender woman.

Monika: Could you share a little about yourself and what you’re passionate about?

Celeste: I’m a 22-year-old trans woman from Chicago. I’m currently in college working towards a degree in designing and building theatre sets, and I absolutely love it! I have a strong passion for cars and architecture, and I enjoy taking walks and watching movies in my free time.

Monika: What motivated you to start sharing your personal journey and moments on social media?

Celeste: Celeste: Especially in early transition, I had very few moments where I looked in the mirror and felt like I looked like a girl and felt "cute." When I had those moments, I wanted to post them and celebrate it. As time has gone on, I’ve felt more confident in my appearance, and now my posts are more about inspiring "baby trans" (early or pre-transition folks) and getting some validation when I have especially dysphoric days. I’ve found that sharing my journey has not only helped me but also connected me with others who might be going through similar struggles.

Monika: Choosing a name for yourself can be such a beautiful and meaningful step in transitioning. What made you choose Celeste, was it love at first sound, or did it grow on you over time?

Celeste: Oh jeez, it was kinda tough deciding on it. My mom is a big fan of unusual and uncommon names (as am I), and Celeste was on the list of baby names had I been AFAB. In addition, I write fiction on the side and had used the name for one of my characters. Every time I wrote her name, I always thought what a nice name it was and it stayed in the back of my head.

About two years ago, I realized I had outgrown my old chosen name as it still had ties back to my deadname and was looking for something fresh and different. I was stuck between Celeste and Charlotte, but everyone I talked to about it said how much Celeste fit me better. Now, hearing people say it feels like a small affirmation every time.

"Especially in early transition, I had very few
moments where I looked in the mirror and felt
like I looked like a girl and felt "cute"."

Monika: Do you often get messages or questions from your social media followers? What kind of things do people usually reach out to you about, are they curious, supportive, or sometimes just plain weird?

Celeste: Not a whole lot actually! When I do, it’s either a creep asking me gross stuff or it’s an early transition trans woman asking me a question about transitioning. I exclusively answer the latter and I’m always happy to do so! I didn’t meet another trans woman until I was already out and didn’t have many trans women to turn to when I was early on on HRT. I decided I wanted to be the "older trans" who gives guidance to someone else since I never had that. It feels really meaningful to be that person for someone else, even in a small way.

Monika: For many of us, being true to ourselves comes at a steep cost, whether it's family, friends, careers, or social standing. Did your journey come with sacrifices like that? What was the most difficult part of coming out for you?

Celeste: I consider myself incredibly lucky that I didn't have anyone really oppose my transition too badly. Only a few things stick out in my mind as being really upsetting. One was I was worried about coming out to a certain family member as I wasn't sure how he'd react. He recently passed away however and a part of me wishes I had told him before he left.

Another was when I first came out to my parents, they expressed support, but didn't want me to begin on hormones until I was 25 (I was 19 when I came out) as they said the brain wasn't fully developed. I tried to push further at them about this, asking why that mattered and if they were saying it could be a phase. Each time, they couldn't form it into words, but they were very stubborn about this idea. It took an entire year of me repeatedly talking to them about it and many times of me calling from my dorm room, crying, because I felt so manly and disgusting and awful about myself and I desperately wanted to keep T from having any more of an effect on me than it already had. Eventually, they changed their minds and they now say how much happier I am on HRT and that they didn't initially understand. Looking back, it was emotionally exhausting, but it made me more resilient and more certain of who I am.

"I consider myself incredibly lucky
that I didn't have anyone really
oppose my transition too badly."

Monika: Coming out to parents is always a challenge. I remember when I came out to my mother, those were some of the most emotional and heartfelt words I’ve ever spoken to anyone.

Celeste: Yes! One of the hardest things was when I took a gap year in my schooling during the start of COVID and wanted a job. I applied at a place under "Celeste," had to call and come into the store a few times to get an interview. I was told I had a good chance at getting hired, but was ultimately denied. Out of curiosity, I applied to a similar place using my deadname and presenting as a man. I got a call a week or two later, came in for an interview, and was hired by the end of it.

I started HRT on the third day of that job, quit around month eleven, and never came out, except to a few coworkers. The pay was good and I was getting hours, but I knew a lot of people there wouldn't accept me. They already barely accepted me as a "feminine man." It wasn’t healthy for my mental state, and I’m really glad I left. I especially knew it was bad when I started referring to myself in my head using my deadname and he/him pronouns again.

I'm sorry that's not a clear answer, but I don't have a single definitive "worst" moment, just a lot of small, painful ones. Whether it’s the uncertainty of being accepted after coming out, being given support but with caveats, or being happy with yourself but needing to go back into the closet for nearly a year, it all adds up. Still, each of those moments helped me realize just how strong I am, and how committed I am to living openly and honestly now.

Monika: Was your family taken aback by your transition, or had you already laid some groundwork that made it easier for them to understand?

Celeste: It wasn't a huge leap for my parents, as I had already expressed the feeling of being gender fluid for about four or five years prior. (I identified as such, but basically didn't tell anyone, nor did I dress or present as anything other than a cis man. It was my way of trying to explain the thoughts in my head of wanting to be a girl.) My brother was surprised at first and thought I would be better off as a man, but quickly changed his mind and accepted me. My extended family was surprisingly supportive, albeit a bit surprised. I’m grateful that even the initial confusion gave way to kindness, something not every trans person is lucky to experience.

Monika: How do you feel about the changes brought on by hormone therapy? Has the experience met your expectations so far?

Celeste: Yes! Though I wish some things would speed up, especially in the breast department. However, I understand these things take time. Overall, I’ve learned to appreciate the subtle shifts as signs that my body is finally aligning with how I’ve always felt inside.

Monika: Many of us struggle with what’s often called the “passing” or “non-passing” syndrome. While cosmetic surgeries can sometimes ease the pressure, we’re still judged through a very narrow lens. How do you personally deal with this ongoing challenge?

Celeste: Oh gosh, this is a hard one to answer. Letting go of the instinctual importance of passing is hard. Something that helps me is to remember that sometimes cis women have trouble passing and that sometimes they don't feel or look "woman enough". In terms of how we are perceived by cis people, I think the best way to combat being treated differently whether we pass or not is educating cis people about how we are still women even when we aren't passing, or on HRT, or even presenting. We've always been women. It’s taken time, but I’ve learned that peace comes from embracing myself first, validation from others is secondary.

Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a transgender woman on TV or met anyone transgender in person?

Celeste: In terms of the first time I saw a trans woman in person, I actually wrote a post about the event as it made quite an impact on me, so I hope you don't mind me copying it and putting it here.

Dear trans woman I saw on Father's Day,

It was 2014, and I was 14 years old and I hadn’t figured out who I was yet.

You and I were in the crowded convention hall on Father's Day.

I was running a display at a table and you were walking around the floor with another young woman, maybe a girlfriend or maybe just a friend.

You were wearing a cute green dress and you had chipping red nail polish.

You were walking from display to display with your DSLR around your neck and you snapped pictures from time to time of interesting displays.

You never came close enough to my table for us to make eye contact or exchange words. 

Instead I looked at you across the hall.

Maybe I was just a 14 year old gawking at someone who was different, but I think deep down, a part of me was jealous.

Maybe I wished I could be like you.

You didn’t seem to care what people thought of how you looked.

You seemed confident and happy.

You seemed to be enjoying yourself all the same and not letting anyone get you down. 

Sometimes I think about you, girl in green.

I hope you’re doing well.

Monika: Were there any transgender role models, public figures or even people you knew personally, who inspired you or helped guide you on your journey?

Celeste: I don't follow a whole lot of celebrities anyway, but seeing Hunter Schafer on magazine covers, in advertisements, and on TV always makes me so happy. She represents a kind of visibility that I wish I had seen more of when I was younger, it’s reassuring and powerful to see someone like her just living her truth.

"I do like clothes, but I am not the
most fashionable person out there."

Monika: How do you feel about the current social and political climate for transgender women in the United States?

Celeste: It's a bit rocky at the moment. Fortunately, I live in a state that is not likely to have legislation put against me, but I fear for my siblings in more conservative areas and especially trans folks under 18. There are a lot of bills coming out against queer folks, and especially trans people, and it just hurts my soul to see. Still, I try to hold onto the strength and solidarity I see in our community, we’re not giving up without a fight.

Monika: Are you into fashion? What kind of outfits make you feel most like you? Do you gravitate toward certain styles, colors, or trends that speak to your personality?

Celeste: I do like clothes, but I am not the most fashionable person out there. Most of the time, I'm working in a wood shop or I rolled out of bed to go to class, so I wear just t-shirts and jeans. However, when I get the chance to dress a little nicer or girlier, I will. My go-to tends to be jumpsuits, rompers, and long cardigans. I end up wearing a lot of jewel tones and black.

Monika: Do you enjoy playing with makeup and experimenting with different looks, or do you tend to keep it simple?

Celeste: Not a whole lot, actually! I don’t do my makeup unless I’m feeling really good that day or I’m going out somewhere special. Even when I do, I usually just focus on fun eyeliner. I’ve found that makeup isn’t totally my thing, and I’m okay with that!

Monika: Just curious, do you enjoy receiving compliments on your appearance? Does it affect how you feel about yourself?

Celeste: I doooo! Usually because it gives me a nice boost of gender euphoria, and I just love feeling pretty. It’s a simple thing, but those moments can really lift my spirits and help me feel more connected to myself.

Monika: Do you remember your first job interview after coming out as a woman? What was the experience like?

Celeste: I don't remember a lot of it. It was a bit awkward, but my transness never came up. It is possible that he thought I was a man named Celeste, though. Sadly, I've had interactions like that before while trying to present feminine. It made me realize how often people rely on assumptions instead of actually listening or looking closely.

Monika: What advice would you give to other trans women who are currently job hunting or starting their careers?

Celeste: Don't do what I did. Don't go back into the closet for a job. It's not worth it. Be true to yourself. If your job doesn't want you to be presenting, find a new job. You deserve a workplace where you’re respected not just for your skills, but for your authenticity.

Monika: How involved are you in your local LGBTQ community, and has that changed over time?

Celeste: Not as much as I used to be. I think it is decently common to want to flock to groups and the community as a "baby trans", but as you gain friends from these groups and you mature, you stray away from the groups. I did the same thing, and I probably will have very minimal communication and interaction with the community in the coming years. It’s more about having found my own sense of identity and community outside of those spaces now.

"I'm absolutely a lover at heart and
wear my emotions on my sleeve."

Monika: How important is love in your life?

Celeste: Love is very important to me. I'm someone who likes to love and wants to be loved. I try to give as much love as I can to my family, friends, and partner. My family and friends love and support me back, and it means the world to me. I’m also incredibly lucky to have a loving girlfriend who supports and accepts me for who I am. I'm absolutely a lover at heart and wear my emotions on my sleeve. It’s gotten me heartbroken and hurt before, but it’s just how I’m wired. I think love is a source of strength and resilience, especially in our community.

Monika: Many transgender women eventually decide to write their memoirs, often as a way to inspire others or reflect on their journeys. Have you ever considered putting your story into a book?

Celeste: It has never crossed my mind. To me, I haven’t lived an interesting enough life to warrant a memoir. Also, I’ve barely lived my life so far. If I were to write my memoir now, I’m sure I’d be missing a ton of things that will happen in the future. That said, who knows, maybe one day I’ll have a story worth telling in that way.

Monika: What are your next steps right now, and where do you envision yourself in the next 5 to 7 years?

Celeste: I like to think I've evolved past my "baby trans" phase, and at the moment, I just want nothing more than to blend in and be like all the women around me. I'm pretty happy with how I present, and I want to move a bit away from identifying as a "trans woman" and more just as a "woman," if that makes sense. In the next few years, I hope to do what many young women my age do: graduate college, get a job and an apartment, and keep dating my lovely girlfriend. Ideally, I’ll be living a calm and fulfilling life, surrounded by people who see and accept me as the woman I am.

Monika: What advice would you give to transgender women who are afraid to begin their transition?

Celeste: My best days before transitioning are about the same caliber as my worst days after transitioning. I have new problems now, of course, but at least I'm presenting as the real me and not pretending to be someone I'm not. Transitioning gave me the freedom to live authentically, and that freedom outweighs the fear by far.

Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame once told me that we shouldn't limit our potential based on how we were born or by comparing ourselves to what other transgender people are doing. She said our dreams shouldn't end on an operating table, that's where they begin. Do you agree with that idea?

Celeste: I agree with it for the most part. For me personally, none of my dreams involve an operating table, but we should try not to compare ourselves to other people. Our dreams are our own, and if we let others tell us how to dream, then they aren't really ours. If you try to please everyone, you won't be happy. I've learned not to hold back on being me. This is my one life, and it would be a shame to spend it as anyone other than myself.

Monika: Celeste, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!

Celeste: Thank you for having me! The pleasure is all mine!

All the photos: courtesy of Celeste.

© 2022 - Monika Kowalska