Monika: Today, I have the pleasure of speaking with Jesse Patterson, an American social media personality and proud transgender woman who fearlessly shares her transition journey online. You’ve mentioned that we could discuss anything, from politics to, well, panties! Let’s dive in and see where this conversation takes us. Hello, Jesse, and thank you for accepting my invitation!
Jesse: Howdy Monika! Nice to meet you. Happy to have this discussion with you today and yes, lol, I will talk about pretty much anything one can think of.
Monika: Could you share a bit about yourself? Who is Jesse Patterson beyond social media?
Jesse: I’m just a person flitting about trying to find happiness in this world like everyone else. I’m happily married to a wonderful woman, with children. I live in Texas, work in finance and have a couple of degrees in history and sociology. I read history, psychology, astronomy, and self-care books or work out when I can get the time. I also love photography.
Monika: What made you decide to share your most personal moments online? Was there a specific turning point that pushed you to open up?
Jesse: No big reason- I just like to share. I used to watch others share their stories and wonder how they could have such confidence and vulnerability. I could never fathom putting myself out there. Turns out it was just because I was suppressing who I really was and when you’re not really you, it’s hard to feel like there’s anything of note to express.
Monika: Do you receive a lot of questions from your social media followers? What’s the most common thing people ask you, and is there a question that always makes you roll your eyes?
Jesse: I get a lot of questions, mostly in the form of DMs. It falls mainly into two categories: 1. What’s XYZ about your transition like? 2. How can I get into bed with you? Sometimes I get the pleasure of just getting life questions, so that can be a third category sometimes.
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| "I’m happily married to a wonderful woman, with children." |
Jesse: It came down to Ava or Jesse and I chose Jesse. It’s based on my love for the 80’s song Jessie’s Girl by Rick Springfield and a girl from my 10th grade history class, Jesse. She was silly, loud, beautiful and never stopped being herself, no matter what someone said about her. Though we hardly spoke, I watched her confidence in her own body as a beacon while puberty was starting to devastate my body. Stuck with me ever since.
Monika: Was your family surprised by your transition? Did you anticipate their reaction, or did it unfold differently than expected?
Jesse: Yes, but no one could admit it. I kept an inordinately tight lid on myself growing up for a few reasons — not always related to being trans — but it meant no one saw it coming. It was, unfortunately, such a shock that some in the family (and by some, I mean almost all) abandoned me within a few months. In good Southern American tradition, though, the whole family was fake in so many ways already anyway. Monika: I finally felt free after my transition. How about you? Was there a single moment—or maybe a series of moments—where you truly felt like you had stepped into your most authentic self?
Jesse: Not really. I figured out I was different at 8 years old, but due to needing to be the emotional caretaker of the family for various reasons, I never had time to process my own experiences, so I just ended up skipping the celebration phase when coming out. When you grow up never having had time for yourself, you learn to just live your life in the cracks, I guess. So after finally fully admitting that I was trans to myself as an adult, I just kinda moved on.
Monika: The journey to being our true selves often comes with a heavy price, losing friends, family, and sometimes even our jobs. What was the hardest part of coming out for you, and how did you navigate it?
Jesse: I don’t know how to actually answer this question. It depends on what you think loss is. I lost most of my friends and family but kept my job with no issues (though I do somehow hold the title of the most internal interviews and rejections for a qualified candidate). The toughest part was knowing I was living in a world where our collective intellectual capacity seems doomed to registering life in a binary. In a world where everything needs to be black or white, all other colors get removed. And yet, that’s how I was created. It’ll be a long fight, but someone’s gotta do it.
Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a trans woman on TV or met one in real life? Did that moment spark something in you?
Jesse: Yes, so I found out about trans people through adult entertainment at 19 years old. Someone at my college dorm told me about the trans woman category and how it was the “best of both worlds.” I was absolutely floored when I looked it up that night and realized there were people who looked the way I felt. I remember being in a daze saying, “Omg, that’s me! Wait, that’s who I am!?!?! Omg, there’s others like me!” It was the most powerful moment of my life. Still took another fifteen years to admit it to anyone, though.
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| "I waited nearly 30 years to transition." |
Jesse: I’m one of those people who struggles to believe they can appear convincing, but I compare myself against my own internal expectations, not society’s. I imagine most of us know what that’s like, but I deal with the judgment side of things by remembering that most people just naturally fear what they don’t already understand. It makes them feel like they’ve lost control over their paradigm, and that’s not my fault.
It’s worth noting that I had four surgeries in a year and received a lot of judgment from the trans community for “moving so fast.” Why? Because most people don’t do it like that. While I get that, I waited nearly 30 years to transition. So, everyone is gonna judge you over something. Just let them do it.
Monika: Transitioning changes our relationships, sometimes in unexpected ways. Have you noticed a shift in your connections with loved ones, friends, or even strangers?
Jesse: Very much. My wife and I are closer than ever. I also connected to my children more because I finally let my family have their emotions. Funny how you stop suppressing others when you get to be yourself, eh? My wife and I also found that we’re both polyamorous and now I have a boyfriend of two years. All three of us are close and they are very good friends on their own. It’s amazing. I’m much happier in my interactions with others as well so I hope it has the positive impact I think it does.
Monika: What are your thoughts on the current situation for transgender women in your country? Do you think we are progressing, or does it feel like we’re moving backward?
Jesse: Been thinking about the centuries-long Spanish inquisition lately, where thousands were murdered in the church’s pursuit of ill-defined “heretical” activity. America has a LONG history of marginalization and violence- lynchings during the Jim Crow era or Executive Order 9066, for example . I’m terrified, in short, but I’m scared for the world. With Trump here, gains of the FPÖ in Austria, or far-right movements in Germany and Italy, nationalism once again appears to offer majority populations a justification to forcibly oppose change (sharing equality). When one is oppressed, all are oppressed and we have forgotten that, not realizing it inevitably means we all will lose something, sooner or later.
Monika: Are you into fashion? What’s your go-to style, and do you have any favorite designers or brands?
Jesse: Dresses. I love dresses all year long! And long sleeves with cute pants in the winter. I was more complicated at first, but that’s what I’m into currently. I love leggings as well but that’s tough for me. Not to be crass but hrt did not have a shrinking effect on me so I have to do a freaking ritual every time I wear them, often it’s just not worth it. My favorite colors are orange, pink and yellow. And I started loving hoop earrings. So cute!
Monika: Do you experiment with makeup, or do you stick to a signature look?
Jesse: You know, I actually don't. I love wearing makeup but I usually stick to my routine because I’m still so happy with how it makes me look. I’ll try more in the future though. I did a little filming one time and the make-up artist made me look amazing; I just can’t copy her skills yet, lol.
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| "I never copied anyone." |
Jesse: I never copied anyone. For years it was just putting on my mom’s clothes (or later my wives), looking in the mirror, hating my body and saying “if only” and that was it. I was so terrified of being found out that I dared not even try to draw attention to myself. This was made worse by the fact, in 9th grade, that I wore nail polish from a girlfriend for fun and my math teacher belittled me in front of the class for it. That was enough to stop me for years, from any expression.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks? Do you find it easy to accept compliments, or do you struggle with believing them?
Jesse: I want to say yes, but truth be told, I don’t believe anyone when they do compliment me. The reason is just because I still struggle with letting go of the perfect image of femininity in my head- it’s one I’ll never attain and therefore never quite succeed, if that makes sense. I am so much happier when looking in the mirror than before, don’t get me wrong but if we are talking deep, dark secrets, then that’s the reality. Raise your hand if you’ve experienced that feeling.
Monika: Do you remember your first job interview as a woman? Did you feel nervous, or did you approach it with confidence?
Jesse: Kind of, I think. It was internally at my company so everyone already knew I was trans anyways, when I came out at work, it was a big deal just by happenstance that it went kinda viral. I’m one of about five of us and I was a leader for our LGBTQ+ team for a few years so, yeah, just a regular interview.
Monika: When I came out at work, my male co-workers suddenly started treating me as if my transition had lowered my IQ. Did you experience a similar shift in how people perceived your intelligence or competence?
Jesse: I am very intelligent so no one can ever talk my capabilities down. The issue I run into is that those who don’t approve of me simply talk over me, down to me or ignore me. Some don't take me seriously. I think it happens to women for one reason and trans people for another reason. For women, I think it’s because America’s pseudo-meritocratic belief was built on a sex-based caste system where women must be second in order to justify the structure of society. And if we get down to it, this stems from man’s traditional claim that Eve caused the fall of Adam.
For trans women though, cis men seem to struggle with believing anyone who has the sex phenotypes normally attributed to males, would not want to be male, let alone be male. It never seems to dawn on some men that trans women are not men. And they just assume the status their bodies afford them are desired by all who walk the Earth. It’s just not true.
Monika: What was the most surprising part of your transition—something you never expected, whether good or bad?
Jesse: I can’t decide if I want to be negative or positive about this. On the good side it’s that people actually want to follow me… like what, really??? I’ve got maybe 30k followers across a couple apps but still don’t believe it. On the bad side, it’s how effectively we are being used by the rich to perpetuate the culture war in America, to keep the populace from noticing the class conflict that has torn their rights away from everyone. We are on the cusp of losing everything and yet a couple million people are blamed for everything that’s gone “wrong” in our country. Now, where have we seen this before?
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| "We are on the cusp of losing everything." |
Jesse: I have for sure but also have a sort of reverse Dunning-Kruger effect happening. The more I learn about myself, being trans, being human, the less confidence I have that I understand it all. I wonder what I could possibly write about that helps someone else. In the end I think I’d be most effective writing as a historian from a non-normative perspective. For example, most books written in the west about our past are from heteronormative Euro-Anglo points of view.
In social science the idea of letting the story tell you what is happening, rather than making assumptions and trying to find data to support that, is called grounded theory. I’d like to write about what happens in the next 4 years, with an added commentary from LGBTQ+ people.
Monika: If you could tell your younger self one thing about being a transgender woman, what would it be?
Jesse: I wouldn’t tell little Jesse a thing. If I could get even a moment with her it would be to do nothing more than sit down and hug her til my arms hurt. Then, I’d sit and ask, “what do you want to tell me? I’m listening”. She’s had enough of adults telling her what they think they know. This is for her to have her voice.
Monika: Finally, what’s next for Jesse Patterson? What dreams and goals are you working toward now?
Jesse: Two things. Have you ever seen the Pale Blue Dot picture taken by Voyager 1? As the space probe left our solar system, scientists (including Carl Sagan) turned it around and snapped a family portrait of the planets. By luck, Earth appeared as barely a speck of blue inside a sunbeam. Carl Sagan said of this, “Look at that dot. That is home. That’s us. On it, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives.”
Humans are afflicted by something termed Darwinian Demons: namely that any person will willingly forgo long term safety or success, especially for the group, in return for personal short term gain, even if it dooms them as well. This is why we are always fighting about everything we can think of, all the time. Should we step back for even a moment, zoom out, we’d see how small we really are. In doing so we see how small our problems become and when that happens, the hate we spread becomes small too. Based on this I try to find middle grounds with people and discuss this understanding as much as possible. A massive uphill battle, I know but it can work. My dream would be to see this awareness start a movement because I believe there’s room for all of us, but it starts with removing hate for each other.
Monika: Jesse, thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights.
Jesse: I was once told that someone could solve me with a tall tree and a short rope. How quaint for a one-liner. So, when I say thank you for talking with me Monika, it means more than you know. I really appreciate this opportunity to share!
All the photos: courtesy of Jesse Patterson.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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