At 35, Kaya Kornecki is blossoming into the woman she always knew herself to be. A Danish trans woman in the early years of her medical transition, Kaya began hormone therapy in 2023, though her love for femininity traces back to childhood. From experimenting with makeup at sixteen to dazzling Copenhagen nightlife in drag during her twenties, she embraced the freedom of transformation, but it was never quite enough. Eventually, Kaya made the brave and life-affirming decision to live as her true self, every single day. Her journey hasn’t been without hardship. Kaya has confronted depression, anxiety, addiction, and the weight of what might have been had she transitioned earlier. But through therapy, sobriety, and self-love, she has found healing, and purpose.
Today, she’s training to become a pharmacist, a role that brings both structure and pride into her daily life. Kaya’s presence on social media is honest and unfiltered. She shares tender moments of self-discovery, reflections on womanhood, and the small triumphs that make a trans life joyful: her first bottle of perfume, a new passport, the quiet thrill of being called “she” at work. Her name, Kaya, was chosen with care, a blend of personal history and quiet strength, echoing her mother’s love for a Polish singer and her own identity as a Danish woman. Grounded yet glowing, Kaya is not chasing the impossible dream of cisness. Instead, she walks boldly in her truth, offering an image of trans femininity that is both soft and resilient. She may still battle dysphoria and self-doubt, but she has learned to embrace the power of simply being herself. Whether she’s in sneakers or lipstick, Kaya radiates authenticity, and in doing so, helps light the way for others.
Monika: Hello Kaya! I’m so thrilled you accepted my invitation to chat today. It truly means a lot to have this opportunity to connect with you and hear your story firsthand.
Kaya: You’re welcome.
Monika: For readers meeting you for the first time, could you share a bit about who you are and the journey that brought you here?
Kaya: I'm a 35-year-old trans woman, still in the early years of my transition, although I've been feminine or drawn to feminine things my whole life. I began my transition in 2022 and have been on HRT since 2023. I’ve been using makeup since I was 16 and did a lot of drag in my 20s, both professionally and for fun, going out partying in drag.
In the end, I realized that dressing up once a week just wasn’t enough, and that I needed to live as a woman full time to truly be happy. Getting to this point hasn’t been easy; I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and addiction to drugs and alcohol.
Today, I’m sober, I go to therapy, take antidepressants, and I’m currently in training at a pharmacy. It’s a three-year program that combines work and study, and once I finish, I’ll be a fully qualified pharmacist.
Monika: Sharing personal moments, especially those that touch on identity, love, and self-discovery, can be both empowering and vulnerable. What inspired you to open up and share your intimate life experiences on social media?
Kaya: I’ve always been a very honest person and never had a problem sharing personal things online. I use Instagram as a kind of diary, just a place to get some thoughts off my chest. At the same time, I also keep a personal diary that no one else sees.
Monika: Engaging with followers on social media often leads to a flood of curiosity and heartfelt messages. Do you receive a lot of questions from your followers? What are the most common things they ask about, whether it’s advice, personal experiences, or words of encouragement?
Kaya: I’d have to say no. Of course, I get messages from time to time, but unfortunately, they’re mostly from men, which I almost never respond to.
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| "I know that the worst thing I can do is compare myself to cis women." |
Monika: So many of us navigate the roles of wives, mothers, and daughters, often carrying the weight of our pasts and sometimes longing to leave it all behind. Yet, you’ve chosen to embrace your identity with such strength, becoming an advocate for transgender rights and vocal about presenting a positive image of our community in society. In the face of all this, have you ever felt the pull of staying in the shadows, of simply being seen as a woman, without the added layers of being a transgender woman?
Kaya: Yes and no. Of course, there are days when I just want to hide away. Then there are days when I feel strong and beautiful and want to show myself to the world, in a way. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will never be a cis woman, and I know that the worst thing I can do is compare myself to cis women.
I’ve learned that it makes me too depressed if I start thinking about what my life could’ve been like if I had been born a woman, so I try to stop those negative thoughts when they come up. Of course, there’s still a bit of jealousy sometimes, like when I see a cis woman I secretly wish I looked like, but I’ve learned that those thoughts aren’t healthy for me. I’ve gotten better at accepting that no matter how much I change about my appearance, I will always be a trans woman. I will always be open about that with anyone I meet, and I always make it clear in my dating profiles that I’m a trans woman, not a cis woman.
Monika: Choosing a name is such a deeply personal decision, one that can hold layers of significance and meaning. How did you come to choose the name Kaya? Does it carry a special resonance for you, perhaps representing a part of your journey or embodying a particular feeling or aspiration?
Kaya: I chose the name Kaya because it shares some of the same letters and sounds as my birth name. It’s a unisex name, which I liked, and it sounded unique without being too exotic for a Danish girl. Also, when I was a child, my mom used to listen to a Polish singer named Kayah, so the name holds a bit of nostalgic meaning for me too.
Monika: Transitioning is not just a personal journey; it also reshapes our relationships, especially with those who support us. Have you noticed a shift in how people treat you since your transition?
Kaya: No, my family and friends weren’t surprised, they’ve always known I was feminine. The only thing I’ve really noticed is that men look at me more when I’m out on the street. And a few times when I’ve been to clubs with friends, I’ve noticed that women tend to treat my gay friends better than they treat me. That’s been a big change from when I used to go out in drag in Copenhagen’s nightlife, where girls would talk to me and I didn’t feel invisible like I sometimes do now.
Monika: During your transition, did you have any transgender role models who inspired you or helped guide your journey?
Kaya: The first time I saw trans people on TV was in an episode of Oprah about transgender children, and that was the first time I really questioned whether I might be like them. Aside from that, I was very fascinated by Candy Darling in my teenage years, and later on, Cristina La Veneno became a huge inspiration. And of course, all the fabulous trans women I’ve met over the years in Copenhagen’s nightlife have also inspired me deeply.
Monika: I finally felt free after my transition. How about you? Was there a single moment, or maybe a series of moments, where you truly felt like you had stepped into your most authentic self?
Kaya: Hmm, I’m not sure there was one specific moment, but I think it was a series of experiences throughout my transition that made me feel excited and joyful. Things like doing my nails for the first time, buying women’s perfume, changing my entire wardrobe, getting my new name, receiving a new passport and personal ID, taking my first dose of Estrogel and Androcur, or getting my lips done for the first time, all of those little milestones made me feel like I was stepping more fully into my authentic self.
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| "The hardest part was being too afraid to transition in my 20s." |
Kaya: It’s been a journey, and it still is. Hormones have definitely made me feel my emotions more intensely, which is both good and bad. My anxiety got worse at times, but I also started feeling more excitement, like real butterflies in my stomach when thinking about something joyful.
I’ve become more empathetic toward other people’s experiences, I cry more easily, and I think differently about sex and intimacy with men. I also just feel much calmer in my body and mind as I’ve developed slightly more feminine features. That said, the dysphoria can still be really rough sometimes, and on those days, not even HRT can help. But then there are days when I feel great about myself.
Monika: The journey to being our true selves often comes with a heavy price, losing friends, family, and sometimes even our jobs. What was the hardest part of coming out for you, and how did you navigate it?
Kaya: The hardest part was being too afraid to transition in my 20s, even though I knew, deep down, that I was trans. I had to go through a drug overdose and start therapy before I finally realized that transitioning was the only way forward for me. So, coming out itself wasn’t the hardest part, it was realizing, and accepting, that I should’ve done it much sooner.
Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a trans woman on TV or met one in real life that helped you realize, “That’s me!”?
Kaya: Hmm, I have a friend who’s trans who once told me, back when I was still doing drag, that I would transition one day. At the time, I didn’t believe her, but I guess she was right. She’s inspired me a lot because she lives so unapologetically and authentically as herself. She has this confidence I really admire, something I don’t quite have in the same way. And of course, as I’ve mentioned, Candy Darling and Cristina La Veneno had a huge impact on me when I discovered them. Also, all the trans women I’ve met in Copenhagen’s nightlife have influenced my journey, no matter what kind of connection we had.
Monika: Many of us feel the pressure to “pass” as women, and even after surgeries, society keeps judging us. How do you personally deal with the outside world’s expectations?
Kaya: I feel like the biggest battle is actually with my own expectations. When my dysphoria is high, no matter what I do with my appearance, I can’t shake it. But then there are days when I feel beautiful and feminine even without makeup, just wearing comfy, simple clothes. I’m grateful that I somewhat pass in society, and luckily Danish people tend to be somewhat tall, which helps.
Honestly though, I never really know what people think of me when they see or meet me, I just smile inside whenever a customer at the pharmacy calls me “she.” I’ve also come to realize that no surgery will ever make me less trans or more of a woman. Being feminine is more about a feeling, an energy inside. What’s most important is that you can be the kind of woman you want to be. You don’t have to look like anyone else, and you shouldn’t. But of course, do whatever makes you feel more like yourself, whether that means changing your appearance or having surgery. Whatever brings you happiness, go for it.
Monika: What are your thoughts on the current situation for transgender women in your country?
Kaya: I feel like Denmark is a pretty good place to be trans, although it’s not perfect. Still, compared to the growing number of transphobic policies being introduced in other countries right now, I’m grateful to be living here. Of course, there are long waiting lists to start HRT, it usually takes about a year before you can get your prescription, and the wait for gender-affirming surgery is even longer.
I’m currently on the waiting list for bottom surgery, and it’s about four years, but I feel like it’s worth the wait. Sadly, a trans woman was murdered here in Copenhagen last year, which really scared me, but I still believe that violence against trans women in Denmark is relatively rare. Personally, I’ve never experienced any transphobic violence or hatred in real life, only some men online who become transphobic when I reject them.
Monika: I remember the time right after my transition, it was pure euphoria. My closet is still full of dresses and shoes that I literally bought by the dozens back then, and I must have tried on hundreds. I felt like I had to make up for all those years that were taken from me. Did you feel the same way?
Kaya: Yes, I get that. I do sometimes feel a deep melancholy over the childhood I didn’t have as a girl and the youth I missed out on, blossoming into womanhood. But I’ve come to accept that, as a trans woman, my experiences will be different from those of cis women, and that’s okay. We have our whole lives to grow into the women we were always meant to be.
I’m grateful that my parents let me play with dolls as a child, take dance and horseback riding lessons, and even use makeup during my teen years. I don’t feel the need to dress up as much now, maybe because I got to express that side of myself so fully through drag, wigs, makeup, dresses, and high heels. These days, I just wear what I like. I enjoy looking feminine, but I also prioritize comfort. I almost never wear dresses anymore, only for special occasions, and I’ve stopped wearing heels, they hurt too much and I don’t like feeling taller than I already am.
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| "I enjoy looking feminine, but I also prioritize comfort." |
Monika: How would you describe your personal style? Do you follow any specific fashion trends, or do you have go-to outfits that make you feel confident?
Kaya: A mix between casual, sporty, and elegant. I usually just wear sneakers, pants, and a T-shirt or a top, and I always carry a purse or some kind of handbag. I’m very simple. I mostly wear black, though sometimes I go for something more colorful, but I never mix more than two or three colors or shades. My favorite colors are pink, violet, and green. I always wear earrings, and I feel my best with a bit of makeup on and when I’ve done my nails.
Monika: Do you love playing around with makeup, or is it more of a “throw on the basics and go” kind of vibe for you?
Kaya: I used to spend hours playing with makeup during my drag years, but I’ve lost that creative urge and technique. Some days I wear no makeup, most days just a little, but for a special occasion like a date, a party, or Pride, I try to do a bit more. Still, I could never do drag makeup again, I’d feel like a clown very quickly.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks? Do you find it easy to accept compliments, or do you struggle with believing them?
Kaya: Compliments are always nice and always welcome, but I don’t feel like they mean that much coming from others. They mean more when they come from myself.
Monika: Did you ever feel pressure to meet a certain ideal of femininity, like I did by trying to look like the women around me?
Kaya: Yes, for sure. Especially with being constantly bombarded by pretty people on Instagram. Of course, sometimes you feel jealous of their beauty or hyperfemininity, but something that looks good on others doesn’t necessarily mean it will look good on you. You need to find a way to work with your own strengths and, at the same time, feel good about yourself, which can definitely be difficult at times. But I find that it really helps when I just accept myself and the things about my body and face that I can’t change, and focus instead on the features I do like.
Monika: What was the most surprising part of your transition, something you never expected, whether good or bad?
Kaya: I think the most surprising part of my transition was how deeply I got in touch with my emotions. I never expected just how intense and wild this emotional rollercoaster would be. It’s given me a lot more respect for what teenage girls go through emotionally during puberty. I was also surprised by how much trans women are fetishized by men, how many of them have this strange obsession with whether someone is pre-op or post-op, and how quickly they lose interest depending on the answer. It’s shocking how little they know about trans bodies and how little respect many of them show in the end. I’ve also been surprised by how hard dating is. It’s taught me to hold on more tightly to my friendships, because it can feel really lonely to be desired by so many men who don’t actually want anything meaningful with you.
Monika: How has love shaped your life and your journey as a transgender woman? Could you share what role love plays in your personal growth and happiness?
Kaya: Love is the best feeling in the world, but only when it comes from within. There’s nothing better than those days when you feel proud of yourself and your accomplishments, when you feel strong, beautiful, and at peace in your body. That’s the kind of love that truly matters. Of course, it can also feel nice to be loved, or at least desired, by someone else, but most of the time, it’s not love, just lust. Still, being desired can give you a confidence boost for a while. But the day will come when you’re no longer desired by men, and that’s why self-love is the most important kind of love there is.
Monika: Many trans women are writing their memoirs these days. Have you ever thought about writing your own book, and if so, what would its central message be?
Kaya: I’ve thought about it, but then again, maybe it would be a bit too sad and tragic to actually publish. I’m not sure. Right now, I’m reading Alvina Chamberland’s Love the World or Get Killed Trying, and it’s a really fascinating and powerful read. If I were to write my own book, though, the central message would definitely be about the importance of self-love.
Monika: Finally, what’s next for Kaya? What dreams and goals are you working toward now?
Kaya: Right now, I just want to finish my education so I can start earning more money and get my own apartment. My dream is really just to live a happy and peaceful life in a place of my own, with pink and green furniture, lots of plants, and a dog or a cat to keep me company. I’m also excited , and a little scared , about having bottom surgery in the near future, but it’s something I really want for myself.
Monika: Kaya, thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights.
Kaya: You’re welcome.
All the photos: courtesy of Kaya Kornecki.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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