Interview with Carla Lewis

Carla Lewis is a woman whose life story is as inspiring as it is complex. Carla is a transgender woman, activist, software engineer, mother of two, grandmother, and U.S. Air Force veteran. She makes her home in East Tennessee, near the foothills of the Smoky Mountains, with her loving partner Jaime. To say that Carla has lived many lives would not be an exaggeration, her journey weaves together resilience, advocacy, creativity, and an unshakable belief in living authentically. Carla’s path has never been easy. Growing up in Arkansas, she carried within her a sense of difference that she could not yet put into words. Later, her dreams of becoming an astronaut led her to the U.S. Air Force Space Command, but her service was cut short when her gender identity was discovered. What might have ended as defeat became the beginning of a longer story, one of survival, rebuilding, and ultimately embracing the woman she always knew herself to be. 

 

Her transition in the late 1990s was marked by loss, heartbreak, and even moments when life itself hung by a thread. Yet Carla’s courage to begin again, to choose truth over silence, became the cornerstone of her new life. Over time, she reclaimed not only her identity but also her family, reuniting with her children after years apart and stepping into the joyful role of grandmother, a role she embraces with warmth, humor, and a touch of playful mischief. Beyond her personal journey, Carla has been an outspoken advocate for transgender rights. Whether through local LGBT community work, online petitions that influenced corporate behavior, or simply standing proudly as herself, she has made her presence a force for change. She understands the dangers transgender women still face, from discrimination to violence, yet she continues to raise her voice for equality and dignity. Carla is also someone who finds joy in creativity and community. 

 

She has a love for science fiction, fantasy, and comics, and her passion for sewing and cosplay has taken her to Dragon*Con year after year, where she transforms into her favorite superheroine, Power Girl. These moments of joy remind us that resilience is not only about survival, it is also about celebration, laughter, and self-expression. What strikes me most about Carla is her honesty. She doesn’t sugarcoat the struggles, nor does she hide the scars of her past. Yet in every story she shares, there is hope, determination, and the reminder that life, no matter how broken it may seem, can always be rebuilt. It is a true honor to share this conversation with Carla Lewis. She embodies the spirit of courage, love, and persistence, and her story is one that speaks not just to the transgender community but to anyone who has ever had to start over and find strength in the face of adversity. Dear readers, please join me in welcoming Carla to The Heroines of My Life. 

 

Monika: Carla, it’s such a pleasure to have you here. Welcome to The Heroines of My Life!

Carla: Truthfully, I’m honored that anyone would care to know about me.

 

Ready for shopping.

 

Monika: How has life been treating you lately, and what does a typical day look like for you?

Carla: The only recent significant change in my life was a closed head injury as a result of a rear-end collision in December of 2011. I’m plagued with constant migraine-like head pain that makes it difficult to do some of the things I normally take for granted.

That aside, I’m part owner of a small computer service company. That keeps me busy during business hours. When I’m not at work, I enjoy the hell out of science fiction and fantasy movies, hero comics, and a newfound love of sewing and cosplay. The highlight of every year is now our annual trip to Dragon*Con in Atlanta, Georgia, where I get to dress up as my favorite superheroine, Power Girl, and Jaime gets to be whichever hero I feel like creating for her.

Monika: Let’s go back in time a little. Where did you grow up, and what kind of places shaped your early years?

Carla: I’m a native of Arkansas. I spent most of my childhood in a small town called Shannon Hills in Arkansas, a suburb of the capital city of Little Rock. In the mid-1990s, I moved to East Tennessee, where I now reside, at the foothills of the Smoky Mountains.

Monika: Looking back on your childhood, how would you describe it? 

Carla: I think my childhood wasn’t that different from many. My parents divorced when I was quite young. My mother remarried when I was about four years old. I played baseball for many years as well as American football while in junior high school. In junior high and high school I played the French horn in the school band. I liked to play in the woods, ride my motorcycle, and eventually write computer programs.

Even so, from an early age I “knew” there was something different about me, a feeling of “wrongness.” However, I would never describe it as feeling as if I was in the “wrong body.” I believe I actively started cross-dressing at the age of eight.

Carla at graduation.

Monika: Many transgender women describe their school and college years as the most difficult, often marked by bullying or discrimination. How would you describe your own experience during that time?

Carla: I really don’t think so. I’m not quite sure how I was perceived by others, but I know I was sometimes seen as an angry, smart, poor kid. I was often considered a “class clown” by many, seeking attention however I could get it. I was frequently in trouble with the faculty and disciplined often. Luckily, I had a reputation for being very smart and didn’t have to study very hard. I got along with most everyone.

Monika: You once served in the U.S. Air Force Space Command. What drew you to the military, and what were your original goals when you enlisted?

Carla: I never wanted to be a soldier, but rather an astronaut. My grades were good enough to be awarded many academic scholarships, including M.I.T. Unfortunately, I could never afford housing or other expenses at such schools. Instead, I attended a local university and quickly lost interest. I joined the Air Force as an alternative to college, hoping I would find the motivation to do something with my life. It just so happens that my entrance and performance scores were such that I was put in Space Command. While I could have probably enjoyed a successful career in the military, things didn’t turn out as I had hoped.

Monika: What ultimately brought your military career to an end? 

Carla: Eighteen months into my enlistment, I was married with two children. At my newest duty assignment, I was required to undergo a rigorous security investigation because of the sensitive nature of my assignment. During the investigation, it was discovered that I had gender issues and I was discharged from the service.

Carla in her 30s.

Monika: You began your transition in your late twenties. What made that stage of your life the most difficult?

Carla: It was the most difficult thing I had ever done, but not for the reasons many would suspect. Being a husband and father, I had committed to filling that role to the best of my ability and foregoing any dream of ever transitioning. Truly, back then, I wasn’t really aware that it was an option. Even though my wife had been made aware of my gender issues when we were in high school, this was not the issue that ultimately destroyed my marriage, but rather her infidelity.

Monika: How did the breakdown of your marriage affect your work and personal life?

Carla: At the time I was working as a software engineer at Philips. Also working there were my father-in-law and mother-in-law. When my wife finally decided to leave me for another man, she and her family made sure that everyone at the company knew I was transgender. Having lost my children, my wife, and being certain that I would also lose my job, I overdosed on sleeping pills. Not having shown up for work for a couple of days, my boss found me unconscious in my home. I remained hospitalized for quite some time.

Monika: After such a devastating experience, how did you find the strength to start over and continue your transition?

Carla: During my hospital stay, I had lost my home, my vehicle, had no clothing, and no personal possessions left. My boss and his wife took pity on me and invited me to live with them until I could walk again and find a place of my own. Within a few months, I had started to rebuild my life, and transitioning was a part of that new life. I had lost everything but my life, and I decided that life would not be wasted on living a lie.

Monika: Many transgender women talk about the challenges of “passing” in the early stages of transition. What was your own experience like, and did you choose to undergo any surgeries to help with that process?

Carla: When starting transition, I think most people have trouble passing. It isn’t necessarily because of appearance but because we don’t yet “own” the image we are trying to show everyone else. When I became comfortable with what was inside me, the outside was able to reflect it much easier. I have had breast implants, probably too big!

Monika: Today, cosmetic medicine makes it possible for some people to transition even later in life, sometimes in their fifties or sixties. Do you believe age makes a difference, and what advice would you give to someone beginning their transition at that stage?

Carla: I don’t think it matters what age you are when you decide to transition. The real difficulty is accepting yourself. Happiness can really only occur once that happens.

Monika: When you began your transition, were there any transgender role models who inspired or guided you? How much information about transitioning was available to you at the time?

Carla: I had very little knowledge about transgender issues or transitioning. The internet was still in its infancy. Unlike today, information on transitioning was still “underground” and inaccessible to many, at least, that is how it seemed. I was aware of no role models at the time, but have since compiled a shortlist of those that I admire: Lynn Conway, Martine Rothblatt, Danielle Berry, Wendy Carlos, Amanda Simpson, and Lana Wachowski.

 

At National Equality March.

 

Monika: You have two wonderful children. Many people say that when a parent transitions, the relationship with their children can change dramatically. How did your transition affect your bond with them?

Carla: I was unable to have contact with my children for several years. It broke my heart. My parental rights were removed and my children were adopted by their new stepfather. I thought I would never see them again. My daughter turned 14 and sought me out. Jaime and I eagerly took her in. A year later, my son came to live with us. Shortly after, my children’s parents divorced and the adoptive father died in a motorcycle accident. I petitioned for guardianship and it was granted. When I saw my children for the first time after many years of absence, it was as if I had just seen them the day before. Once again, I felt whole. 

Monika: And what about your wife at that time? How did she react to your transition and the changes it brought?

Carla: I don’t understand how we remained married for nine years. I don’t have much to say about her except that for many years I wished her nothing but ill will. Karma has destroyed her life over and over and now I feel nothing but pity for her.

Monika: Life has come full circle, and now you are a grandmother. How does stepping into that role feel for you, and do you allow yourself to spoil your grandchildren?

Carla: It’s true, but it shouldn’t be possible. I don’t feel old enough to be a grandparent. The grandchildren live close by and I do spoil them when I can. It’s kind of fun to fill them with soda and chocolate and hand them back to their parents!

Another lovely haircut by Jamie.

Monika: Looking at the bigger picture, what is your opinion on the current situation of transgender women in American society?

Carla: The struggle of transgender people in America will be our last great civil rights struggle. In most communities, there is no one more despised, disparaged, or held in more contempt than a transgender person. While each of us applauds the achievements of our transgender brothers and sisters, the truth is that a hundred fall for everyone that is lifted up. I want to see full equality, not just in the eyes of the law, but in the eyes of my fellow Americans.

END OF PART 1

PART 2

 

All the photos: courtesy of Carla Lewis.

© 2013 - Monika Kowalska