Interview with Bright Daffodil

Meeting Bright Daffodil feels like stepping into a world where identity, spirit, and human experience blend into something both radiant and profoundly thoughtful. Born intersex in the United Kingdom, she has never shied away from telling her story. Through documentaries, interviews, and public conversations, she has invited audiences to see beyond labels and into the heart of a person who has spent her life searching for truth, love, and authenticity. Bright Daffodil speaks about her journey in a way that challenges conventions yet remains grounded in a deep sense of compassion. Her life has taken her through moments of struggle, reinvention, spiritual discovery, and activism, carrying all of these experiences with grace and a sense of higher purpose.

 

She has navigated the complexities of intersex and transgender life with a clarity and courage that few can match, speaking openly about the challenges she faced growing up, the struggles of her transitions, and the societal pressures that often sought to define her. Beyond her personal journey, she is a passionate advocate for community, solidarity, and visibility, using her experiences to educate, uplift, and empower others. Whether through her charity work, her creative projects, or her reflections on spirituality and love, she encourages people to embrace their identities fully and to live authentically. Her insights into society, politics, and human connection reveal a mind deeply committed to understanding and improving the world around her. Engaging with Bright is a reminder that self-acceptance and compassion are revolutionary acts, and that every person has the power to shape their own reality while inspiring change in others.

 

Monika: Bright Daffodil, it’s a pleasure to have you here. You’ve opened doors for many by sharing your story in the media, and today I’d love to hear it in your own words.

Bright Daffodil: NAMASTE Monika, an absolute pleasure to meet you.

Monika: How would you describe yourself and the way you experience your identity?

Bright Daffodil: I believe myself to be a Pleiadian, a star seed here in London. In human terms I’m an intersex person and a transgender woman, but I’m at a stage in my life where gender is nothing more than the perception of others. I don’t see myself as any gender anymore, just as a soul having a human experience. I think I have transcended gender, to be really honest. For my soul, it’s easier to live a female experience, however I don’t think I’m female or male. In knowing my true self, I am merely an organic being.

Monika: We both resonate with the quote, “Better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not.” How does this quote reflect your own journey? 

Bright Daffodil: That quote really sums up who I am. My early life was a struggle as I grew up in the male gender and felt constantly at odds with it. I spent many years living as a gay man to hide the fact that I was transgender, because I did not have a clear understanding of my intersexuality. I was taught to believe that a hormone issue was simply something to take medication for, without addressing it on a psycho-social level.

Monika: How did these experiences shape your understanding of yourself and your journey through gender?

Bright Daffodil: Living as a male and going through a transition was painful, but it is a process I am grateful for. Like all difficult experiences, it led me to a deeper understanding of myself. Losing and then transcending gender allowed me to reach a greater understanding of what it means to be human, which I consider a truly beautiful gift. Experiencing life from both genders’ perspectives is something that most people do not have the opportunity to understand.
Monika: You have always been very open about being intersex, participating in numerous press interviews and documentaries, including “I’m 80% Girl, 20% Boy.” How has being so public about your identity shaped your life and experiences?

Bright Daffodil: I believe the way forward for all gender-variant people is to own and embrace their identities. Personally, I am not stealth, even though I could be. I feel that being stealth instills a concept of taboo and shame onto our identity. After spending so many years being miserable, living as a male to please the expectations of family, lovers, and friends, I feel that living stealth is just as harmful as not transitioning.

Monika: Could you explain more about why you see living stealth as harmful, even when it might seem like a safe choice?

Bright Daffodil: It’s ironic. We change to be who we truly are, only to deny it again. Humanity loves denial in every sense, and it isn’t until we understand that we are all human and let go of rigid labels that we can progress toward a time of greater honesty with ourselves.
Monika: How would you describe the situation for intersex women in British society today compared to when you first transitioned?

Bright Daffodil: British society has changed considerably since my first attempt at transition in the 90s. At that time, Jerry Springer was very popular and often had trans guests on his show, meaning most of the transphobia reflected that kind of “human zoo” media.

Monika: What differences do you notice in trans visibility and the experiences of younger people now?

Bright Daffodil: Presently, we are living in a time of ever-increasing trans visibility. Younger people are not living as gay or lesbian before transitioning but are transitioning right away. I hear that gender identity services have never been so busy. There is still a lot of stigma and shame attached to the whole gender issue, but I feel it is up to us as a community to change that by respecting and supporting ourselves as a family.

Solidarity.

Monika: How does the experience of trans and intersex people in the UK compare to other countries you have lived in?

Bright Daffodil: Unfortunately, in the UK, there is a very different perception of the trans community than what I experienced living in the USA and Spain. Here, people are more isolated, and often there is a hierarchy. One other issue, which seems consistent in the UK, is a culture of victimhood around being trans or intersex. For me, they are the same experience. I lived as a male for many years and then transitioned. I don’t think this is a separate experience from an MtF trans person, so I identify as intersex and transgender.

Monika: Have you faced any criticism from within the intersex or trans communities?

Bright Daffodil: Yes, I have been criticized for calling myself trans by people from the intersex community, and vice versa. As a community, I feel unity is the way forward to changing perceptions. Until we lose the victim mentality and own our cultural and psycho-social identities, it is hard to move into a place of empowerment.

Monika: How do you think trans and intersex people can move from a victim mentality to empowerment?

Bright Daffodil: I would like to see more trans people empowering themselves by educating those who may abuse them rather than allowing themselves to become victims. I have been the victim of a hate crime and have also experienced domestic violence as a woman. I reported these incidents to the police and pressed charges because it is the most loving thing to do, both for oneself and for the person committing the abuse.

Monika: How do you personally view these experiences of violence and hate?

Bright Daffodil: In neither experience did I see myself as a victim, because the experience enabled me to awaken another person to the fact that their behavior was not serving them or others. I always try to act in love, though it is not always easy.
Monika: When did you first seriously attempt to transition into a woman, and what challenges did you face early on?

Bright Daffodil: I didn’t go through male puberty. I started seeing a child intersex specialist, Dr. de Ceglie, at St. George’s Hospital from the age of 12, but no one really explained my condition to me. I also had various surgeries, which have left me disabled and suffering from chronic pain. I manage these challenges by engaging in deep spiritual practice and acknowledging that my body is nothing more than a vessel. 

Monika: What was your experience like when you tried to transition as a teenager?

Bright Daffodil: I tried to transition at 16, but I was homeless and very vulnerable, as I grew up in care and lost touch with support services at that time. This was before mobile phones and the Internet, and I am from a very deprived area of the UK called Dudley. It felt easier, safer, and more loving for me to live as a gay man.

My second attempt to transition was in New York City at age 19, and I lived as a girl called Hope until I was 21. Trans visibility was virtually nonexistent then, and many of the trans women I knew sold sex and used drugs. I had a nervous breakdown and tried to commit suicide in 2000 after losing my foster parents, my friend network, and my job. These were devastating consequences of presenting as a gender-variant androgynous person. It was a very difficult time, and once again, I resigned myself to the idea that it was easier to live as a man and started taking testosterone. My goal in life was to find love, and I felt it was easier to do that as a gay man than as an androgynous-looking trans woman.

Monika: How did your life and identity evolve after this period of struggling and self-discovery?

Bright Daffodil: I went through puberty around 22 years old, got many tattoos, and did weight training as a form of masculine protest. I created a very punk rock male look that I felt I could live with and spent many years doing drag, using drugs, and living a fashionable London club kid lifestyle. It was like a drag queen version of Absolutely Fabulous with lots of sex.

 

Connection.

Monika: During your transition, were there any intersex or trans role models who inspired you or guided you?

Bright Daffodil: I came to a place of acceptance and personal inquiry after spending some time in Sydney and feeling disillusioned with my fruitless lifestyle at the age of 28. I believe this was my Saturn return.

Monika: How did your life change after that turning point?

Bright Daffodil: I stopped taking testosterone, ditched the macho façade, started taking estrogen, and got hair extensions down to my waist. My body and face luckily changed rapidly, and I found a new lease on life living as Adele. I quit doing drugs, trained as a support worker, and set up my charity project Silverfish to help marginalized and homeless trans people in the London area.

Monika: Who inspired the name and mission of Silverfish, and what impact did they have on you personally?

Bright Daffodil: I called the project after Alex Silverfish, a techno DJ who killed herself during her transition in 2008 due to hate crimes and ongoing harassment. She was a role model to me because she would often call me out when I presented as a muscle man on the gay scene and would sit on my lap and whisper in my ear, “You might be fooling them, but you’re not fooling me.” She saw me for who I truly was. She was an angel, and I miss her deeply.
Monika: Are there any transgender or intersex women today whom you particularly admire or respect?

Bright Daffodil: Monika, I respect and admire all people, even those who hate me. I don’t see any spiritual difference, apart from the fact that we are all using different vehicles, our physical bodies, to have experiences in life. I have done a lot of reading over the years and find that there are many spiritual messengers of peace and love in the trans community. Kate Bornstein was a great inspiration to me at the age of 22, when I made the decision to live as a man. 

Monika: Who has had the most lasting influence on you personally among trans women, and why?

Bright Daffodil: One of the most inspirational trans women in my life to this day remains Brandy Alexander, the leading lady in Chuck Palahniuk’s book Invisible Monsters. I agree with everything she stands for. We create our own reality through our perceptions, and if we don’t like that reality, we can change our perception of it. Byron Katie, though not trans, is also a very important inspiration to me.

Inspiration.

Monika: When you look back at your journey, what stands out as the most difficult part of coming out?

Bright Daffodil: The hardest thing for me in coming out as trans was the belief that no one would ever love me for who I was. At the time, I looked very butch with a shaved head, tattoos, and big masculine muscles, and I felt as if people would treat me like a freak. I also felt very comfortable having sex and relationships in a homosexual context and was not sure I would feel as comfortable with men who are into women. That is still a big issue for me.

Monika: How has your understanding of love and relationships changed since facing those fears?

Bright Daffodil: I am currently in a partnership with a man who has autism. We don’t have sex, and he sees me as a soul rather than a body, just as I see him. It is a refreshing change from the drama-inspired and sexually charged relationships of the past.
Monika: How do you feel about the way intersex and trans stories or characters are portrayed in films, newspapers, and books today?

Bright Daffodil: I still get very upset when trans characters are played by non-trans actresses and actors, and it is annoying. I think we are currently a hot topic in the media, and in many ways, if it is done respectfully, this is good. People do seem more open to the fact that we are part of life, even if they do not fully understand. I see more trans characters in everyday TV, which is a positive step toward normalizing an identity that was once sexually objectified.
Monika: How would you describe your involvement in politics, and what issues drive your engagement the most?

Bright Daffodil: I am very active in politics in the sense that I believe capitalism is failing the world and that we need to revise a system that is no longer working for us as human consciousness. I am currently writing a book about my beliefs, which some might find alarming and others might already understand. I have been researching the hidden history of humankind from ancient times to the modern day to uncover inconvenient truths and challenge them. I believe there is no longer any form of democracy on this planet because all political parties are funded by corporations to pursue corporate agendas.

Monika: Do you think voices from minority communities, including intersex and trans women, can influence political change today?

Bright Daffodil: In the UK under the Tories, we have seen a huge decline in concerns for social welfare. There are now more elderly people living in poverty, more people using food banks, and a growing number of homeless people who are vulnerable, as the Tories cut public services to fund wars in Iraq that the public did not want or agree to. I think any person from a minority who has experienced living in a minority, including those who are trans, should start speaking up now and unite against the totalitarian slide toward fascism that we are witnessing.

 

END OF PART 1

PART 2

 

All the photos: Courtesy of Bright Daffodil.

© 2015 - Monika Kowalska