Monika: You have spoken openly about the financial realities of gender-affirming surgery, including comparing
options in different countries. Why was it important to you to talk publicly about the cost?
Chloe: I don’t know if I’ve deliberately talked about the cost much. I try not to talk about it too much. But I
think it’s important for people to have a rough idea. I’m going to Thailand in November, which is only a couple of
months away, because it’s September today, for the operation, for several reasons. First, the NHS waitlist is so
long, and NHS Wales has paused referrals. Luckily I’d already made this decision, otherwise that would have spun me
right out. Second, the surgeons in Thailand have so much experience, and do it so frequently, that it’s the best in
the world. And the cost is a lot cheaper: the basic penile inversion, if you get it done privately in the UK, is
about £30,000, I think, so it’s about a third of that in Thailand.
Monika: You’ve clearly done a lot of research before making your decision. What were the main things you considered when deciding which surgical approach was right for you?
Chloe: I’m going with the penile inversion. I did all the research, and the surgeon I’m going with has been doing it for 20
to 25 years and is one of the leading surgeons in the world, so it should give me everything I want. If money were
no object, I think the best would be California, done by robots, the “perfect” way to do it, but it’s more of a time
thing. I’ve worked my whole life very hard, and it’s not that I’ve got money lying around, it’s going to hurt
financially. But it’s that important to me. You only live once, and I spent so long not being me that I want to feel
as complete and as good as I can, as fast as I can. So, I got a bit passionate there, didn’t I?
Monika: You eventually explored surgical options outside Britain, including Thailand. What did that experience
teach you about the global landscape of gender-affirming care?
Chloe: Thailand is pretty much the best in the world. The perineal pull-through was what I was going to go for, but
that’s less commonly done, although some surgeons still do it, and the best for that is in San Francisco. There are
other options worldwide, but Thailand has surgeons with decades of experience. For me it came down to reviews from
other people who’ve been through it. A girl on Reddit that I spoke to at length had the same surgeon and her results
were brilliant, which really helped, knowing the same surgeon had good reviews and decades of experience with a very
well-known technique. If the only option had been to spend big bucks and get it done in the UK, I would have done that, and it would have
hurt a lot more financially. The fact it’s cheaper in Thailand is a beautiful bonus, and I think that would help a
lot of people.
|
|
“It really is gender affirming,
dating boys.” |
Monika: Your marriage eventually came to an end, and you have spoken about being separated and dating again. How
has transition changed the way you think about love and intimacy?
Chloe: That’s a really good question, I could talk about this for hours, I’ll try not to. I always thought I was a
cis male attracted to women. About a year into my transition I was on Instagram and started getting chatted to by
boys, and it would make my heart go. That became more and more real, more and more something I wanted to explore.
With boys the attraction is physical in a way it never was before; with women it was cerebral. The desire to be with
men is quite strong. And because I’ve had an orchiectomy, I don’t produce any testosterone, so for me sex isn’t
about climaxing, it’s about being desired and being held. That’s the big difference. I want my man to really want
me, I want to really look after him, and I want him to hold me and protect me. It feels like a deep-seated need.
Monika: Has dating as a trans woman changed the way you approach men or the way you decide who to let into your life?
Chloe: I’ve also learned that boys are not all great, not all guys, but most of them are full of it. I do have quite a big
heart, and I’m an optimistic person, so I still try to leave my heart open. But I don’t often tell guys that I’m
trans. I’m not ashamed of it, but when I first put on dating sites that I was trans, I just got a lot of fetishists,
and it made me feel icky. I like to think that if I meet a guy and he likes me, and then I tell him, I’m still the
same woman he liked before I told him. It doesn’t often happen that way, which is really sad. A couple of guys have
been okay with it, and some say they’re okay with it and then ghost you.
Monika: And where does that leave you now? Are you hoping to find a relationship, or are you simply enjoying dating and seeing where life takes you?
Chloe: Because I’m travelling around so much, I’m enjoying going out, meeting people, having dates, having a little cheeky
snog, and that’s about it really. I’d love to have a boyfriend, but whether it will ever happen, I don’t know. I
listened to a podcast about the societal pressure to find “the one”, so I’m not looking for the one. I’m just
looking to live my life as Chloe and enjoy it, and if there’s a snog at the end of the night, even better.
Monika: What has dating as Chloe taught you about yourself that you could not have learned before transition?
Chloe: Oh, crikey, just how ridiculous I am. It’s quite funny: touching a guy’s arm, “Oh, do you work out?”, and I’m
thinking, “What are you doing, girl?” But it really is gender affirming, dating boys. Unless you experience it, you
don’t know, do you? I would never have known what it’s like to kiss a guy unless I went out and kissed a guy. I
won’t say more than that though.
Monika: Many trans women are writing their memoirs these days. Have you ever thought about writing your own book?
Chloe: That’s what I’m doing at the moment. I’ve written one book already, Trans-Atlantic, about a British woman
called Zoe, no link to Chloe whatsoever, who moves to Canada and falls in love with a sexy Canadian guy called Jack.
I’ve sent it to a few literary agents but no bites so far, so I’m thinking of self-publishing it next year.
|
|
“Be you, find out who you are,
like you, and live as you.” |
Monika: And what about your own story? I know you’ve also been writing about your travels. What is that book about?
Chloe: My second book is about my solo travels from October 2025 to January 2026. It’s called Girl:Avanting - Solo Travel
Adventures of a 47-year-old Trans Woman, and I’ve also got a YouTube channel called girl\:avanting where you see my
travels.
Monika: It sounds as though those travels became much more than simply seeing new places. What did that experience teach you about yourself?
Chloe: During my travels it was the first time I was single, the first time dating boys, so it’s about experiencing myself
while experiencing the world at the same time. It’s a bit of a memoir, but also about my daft adventures: kissing a
boy by the Caspian Sea, falling for an Italian boy, getting outed in a spa in Almaty, which was terrifying, and all
the peaks and troughs, getting trapped on the Paris Metro, all sorts of silly things. Hopefully it’s one part travel
memoir, one part trans memoir, and one part good companion comedy. I’m really enjoying writing it, and I’m just over
two-thirds of the way through the second draft.
The central message would be: be you, find out who you are, like you, and live as you, and don’t try to be something
you’re not. My motto at the moment is: wander and wonder, live with kindness and joy, look up at the stars but look
out for the lampposts.
Monika: Chloe, thank you so much for sharing your story, your thoughts, and such personal parts of your journey
with us. It has been a real pleasure getting to know you through this conversation.
Chloe: Thanks for reaching out to me and asking me to do this interview.
END OF PART 3
All photos: courtesy of Chloe Kelly.
© 2026 - Monika Kowalska
No comments:
Post a Comment