Monika: Do you remember the first time you met a transgender woman in person? What was that experience like, and
did seeing another trans woman in front of you change the way you imagined your own future?
Diane: I do, though it was actually two women at the first support group meeting I went to who were kind to me
despite my being something of a mess. The first, Joyce, I thought was the spouse of one of the crossdressers. She
was maybe fifteen years older than me, and when she let it drop that she had transitioned in the mid-1970s, I was
floored. She just seemed so normal, as did her life. That was eye-opening to me, that you could just move on and
have a peaceful, average life after transitioning. The other, Sue, was maybe five years older than myself, and like
Joyce, she was living a normal, happy life. We really hit it off, and we still get together about once a month to
catch up.
Monika: I remember the time right after my transition, it was pure euphoria. My closet was suddenly full of
dresses and shoes that I literally bought by the dozens, and I must have tried on hundreds. I felt like I had to
make up for all those years that were taken from me. Did you experience anything similar, that almost childlike
excitement of finally being able to explore femininity?
Diane: I can totally relate to that, as I spent months putting together my work wardrobe. I knew I was going to be
under a microscope, so it was important to me to look professional and as good as possible. I remember that first
day heading into work. Just before I walked out the door, I stopped to look in the mirror and was filled with
nothing but joy, despite my nervousness.
Monika: Did you ever feel pressure to meet a certain ideal of femininity, as I did by trying to look like the
women around me? And has your definition of what it means to be a woman changed with age?
Diane: For certain. Women are judged harshly on their appearance. As a trans woman, I knew this judgement would be
turned up to eleven. Anything that could be seen or twisted into a "flaw," not presenting one hundred percent
feminine, would be mocked and used to justify bigotry. So I was very cautious and didn't allow myself the freedom
all women deserve, which is to be themselves, no matter where that may fall on anyone's gender scale. As I've gotten
older, I've definitely learned not to care about other people's definitions of femininity. For example, I now have
visible muscles, and rather than worrying that they come off as "too masculine," I embrace them and am proud of
them. I never could have done that when I first came out.
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| "I've certainly considered writing a book." |
Monika: Many of us feel the pressure to "pass" as women, and even after surgeries, society keeps judging us. How
do you personally deal with the outside world's expectations, and have you reached a point where you care less
about whether other people see you as feminine enough?
Diane: For the most part, I don't care anymore. I know who and what I am. That said, I still make sure I'm on point
for any special social occasion.
Monika: Was there anything about transition that surprised you, something nobody warned you about because people
tend to talk about hormones, surgery and clothes but not about the quieter psychological changes?
Diane: The biggest surprise was how much people make assumptions based solely on your gender. I already knew women's
opinions were often not weighted the same as men's, but the level of misogyny is off the charts.
Monika: Many trans women are writing their memoirs these days. Have you ever thought about writing your own book,
and if so, what would its central message be?
Diane: I've certainly considered writing a book, but the truth is I doubt I have the drive to ever do it. I was more
inclined when I was younger, as I thought I was unique, but now I feel that isn't so much the case. My message is
that no matter how much you fight it, you have to be yourself. Trying to change for others is a road that leads to
failure and misery. In the end, we all only have one life, so we may as well make it a happy one.
Monika: Finally, what's next for you? What dreams, projects or slightly improbable adventures are you working
toward now, and what would make you look back a few years from today and think, "Yes, that was another very good
chapter"?
Diane: I hope to continue to inspire older people like myself to make healthier choices and to just keep moving.
Being fit is an incredible gift, not just to yourself, but to your loved ones as well.
Monika: Diane, thank you so much for taking the time to share your story with me.
Diane: Thank you for reaching out to me, and for working to promote positive examples for the community with The
Heroines of My Life!
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Diane Sauer.
© 2026 - Monika Kowalska
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