Monika: Out of everything, what surprised you the most about transitioning, good or bad, something you just never saw coming?
Lea: How little transphobia I encounter in public. I had expected it to be way worse because I know that for so many others it is. And it also baffles me that so many people seem to think that it is okay to ask you about your genitals when you are trans…
Monika: Loneliness is such a common thread for a lot of trans girls. Did that hit you too, or were you lucky there?
Lea: I have always been good at being alone. At first I did find some online communities to connect with others who went through the same things I did. But in the end I had enough support to keep real loneliness at bay, especially my best friend Marnix, who was always there when I needed him and still is. I indeed would call myself lucky in that aspect.
Monika: Here’s one I think about a lot myself: have you ever felt the pull to just disappear into being seen as “a woman,” no extra layers, no advocacy, just quietly blending in?
Lea: If you mean trying to hide that you are trans, would that not just be another way of trying to blend in by becoming something you are not? Also, I think I am too stubborn and full of myself to not tell people what I think is right. So no, if there is one thing I won’t ever do anymore, it is hiding who I am and what I stand for.
Monika: How are things right now for trans women in the Netherlands, in your honest opinion?
Lea: As I alluded to in previous questions, I think that, at this moment in time, there is almost no better place in the world to be trans than here in the Netherlands.
Monika: You shared the “Niet in mijn naam” campaign a while back too. Why is it important to you to speak up about things outside your own story?
Lea: Most of the time I try not to let the big problems in the world weigh me down too much because I have little to no influence on solving them. But the way Israel is systematically discriminating against, bullying, and murdering the people in Palestine is so cruel and horrific that I just can’t believe that our government and many others are letting this happen without even speaking up, sometimes even defending their actions and backing the Israeli government. I wanted to add my voice to the shout of outrage towards Israel and against the cowardly tone of the Dutch government on the matter.
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“Children are often underestimated in what they understand about feelings.” |
Monika: When you put out that call for help and it actually worked, what shocked you more: that people showed up, or how it changed the way you think about asking for help at all?
Lea: I was surprised about how quickly things can turn around if you happen to reach the right people. You can go from being days away from being homeless to having an amazing apartment that is affordable in an afternoon. It also makes it painfully clear how having the right connections in the right places can give you an unfair advantage. I needed help and got it, for which I am thankful, but there are so many people who deserve it as much as I do but don’t reach the right people and are left empty-handed because of it.
Monika: You mentioned starting a YouTube channel for your music. What do you want people to get from that, that they maybe can’t get from a live show or a post?
Lea: I hope that through it my music might reach people who would otherwise forever be unaware of its existence. But for that I need to make it happen first.
Monika: You’re a mom on top of everything else. How do you talk to your daughter about who you are and everything you’ve been through?
Lea: Like I talk with anyone who wants to know about it. Children are often underestimated in what they understand about feelings. Sometimes they lack the vocabulary that adults have, but they are smarter and understand more than most adults give them credit for. That is why I will always make room for answering questions and having a conversation, and for being vulnerable with her.
Monika: So many trans women are writing memoirs lately. Have you ever thought about writing your own? What would the heart of it be?
Lea: Not really, no, but if I had to, it would probably be about trying to listen more and talk less. We should be looking for ways to understand and connect with people who are ‘against’ us, because at this moment our community is mainly trying to disgrace and attack those who are against us, and that understandable but polarizing behavior will always make them more hateful and less likely to consider our message and reasoning.
Monika: Last one, girl: what’s next for you? What are you dreaming toward right now?
Lea: Two months ago I met an amazing man and fell for him head over heels. I am looking forward to building something great and long-lasting together. I hope that I will be able to keep performing on stage and maybe find the funds and people to record some singles or even an album. And most of all, I will be giving my daughter as much support as I can while she finds her way into this world.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Lea de Vries.
© 2026 - Monika Kowalska
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