Aeris Houlihan is a British transgender woman, football player, musician and video blogger who documented her transition on YouTube. Born in Dublin, she moved to England at the age of around three and spent the rest of her childhood there. Outgoing and sociable, Aeris has always enjoyed keeping fit, experimenting with fashion and makeup, producing music and working with video special effects. Like many transgender women, Aeris knew from a very young age that something about the gender expected of her did not feel right. For years, however, she tried to suppress those feelings, believing she could somehow control them, only to find that doing so brought unhappiness and internal suffering. Eventually, she decided that living authentically was more important than continuing to hide a part of herself. One of Aeris's greatest fears when coming out was the possibility of hurting or losing her family. Fortunately, she also experienced considerable support in another important part of her life: her workplace. Working in a large office with hundreds of people, she remembers the anxiety of arriving for her first day as herself, only to discover that, after the initial period of adjustment, her transition gradually became simply another part of everyday life.
Aeris is also passionate about visibility and believes that openly sharing transgender experiences can help replace fear and misunderstanding with knowledge. She has a particular love of fashion, describing clothes shopping as one of her favourite hobbies, and enjoys mixing high-street fashion with designer pieces. A self-described social butterfly, she moves easily between different communities and enjoys meeting new people and trying new experiences. Looking ahead, Aeris is preparing for another important milestone in her transition while also hoping to return to the live music scene and develop the songs she had been recording in her home studio. Above all, her journey is about finally being able to look in the mirror and recognise the woman she had always known was there. And with so many plans, passions and ambitions still ahead of her, I was delighted to sit down with Aeris and learn more about her remarkable journey.
Monika: Aeris, it's wonderful to finally sit down with you. Hello!
Aeris: Hi Monika.
Monika: Before we dive in, could you tell us a little more about yourself?
Aeris: I was born in Dublin and moved over to England when I was around three. I have lived in England ever since. I'm an outgoing individual who loves to keep fit and take care of her appearance. I love clothes shopping and trying new makeup techniques. I'm a musician, music producer, and I love to work on video special effects.
Monika: Documenting something so personal takes courage. What inspired you to share your transition journey on YouTube?
Aeris: I think the more awareness is raised, the better it is for everyone. I also think it helps people who are not transgender have a better understanding. Knowledge is key, people get nervous if they don't understand something, so I guess some of us transgender girls don't mind sharing our experiences. By documenting my journey, I hoped to provide guidance and reassurance to those who might be struggling with similar feelings. Seeing someone go through the process can make it feel less intimidating and more achievable. I've also received messages from people who told me my videos helped them come out or take the next step in their transition, which means the world to me. It's not always easy to be so open, but I believe that visibility is powerful. If my story can help even one person feel less alone, then it's all worth it.
|
| 4 months on HRT. |
Monika: Where do things stand for you right now in your transition?
Aeris: I have been on HRT for four months. I have been living as a female since February 2012. It's been an incredible journey so far, full of both challenges and amazing moments. Every day, I feel more comfortable and confident in my own skin.
Monika: How do you feel about the changes hormone therapy has brought so far?
Aeris: I am very much so happy with them. At times I look at myself and think wow, but then I have days where I look at myself and think I'm having a bad day, but I guess that's just the same as natural-born females. The changes have been gradual, but I can definitely see and feel a difference, both physically and emotionally. My skin is softer, my facial features are subtly shifting, and I feel more aligned with the person I've always known myself to be. There are still aspects I hope will continue to develop over time, but patience is key in this process. Some days require a little more self-love and confidence than others, but overall, I wouldn't trade this journey for anything.
Monika: Take me back to your childhood. When did you first sense that being seen as a boy didn't feel right?
Aeris: Very young, but I suppressed it, thinking I could control it. In the end, that leads to internal suffering and unhappiness. I constantly tried to fit into societal expectations, which only made me feel more disconnected from myself. It wasn't until I grew older that I realized I had to embrace who I truly was, no matter the consequences. Looking back, I can see how that inner conflict affected everything from my relationships to my overall well-being.
Monika: School, college, and university are often the hardest years for transgender girls, filled with discrimination and struggles for acceptance. Did you face similar challenges, or was your experience different?
Aeris: I work in an office full of many people, hundreds in fact. I remember walking in on the first day as a female and thinking, yes, it's a big deal now, but if I can just get past the first three months, it will be old news. I was right. I have had a lot of support at work from the get-go, and I feel lucky to work where I work. Of course, there were some awkward moments early on, but my colleagues were understanding, and over time, it became second nature. I made an effort to be myself, and that helped build trust with my coworkers. The support I've received has made a huge difference in my overall confidence and sense of belonging.
Monika: Did any transgender role models inspire you or shape how you saw your own possibilities?
Aeris: Not one particular person, no. I just remember watching TV shows and thinking, wow, if I could look like that, I would feel very happy. It wasn't necessarily about one person, but about the idea of being able to live authentically and feel comfortable in my own skin. Seeing people express themselves so freely gave me hope that one day I could do the same. It was more about the feeling of possibility and empowerment that inspired me than any individual.
Monika: Looking back, what was the hardest part of coming out?
Aeris: The thought of hurting my family and potentially losing them. I feared that they wouldn't understand or accept me, and that thought weighed heavily on my heart. It felt like I was risking the most important relationships in my life, and that was terrifying. But over time, I realized that living authentically was worth more than holding onto a version of myself that wasn't true. The process was difficult, but it ultimately strengthened the bond I share with those who truly care about me.
Monika: How would you describe the current situation for transgender women in British society?
Aeris: I think it's good on average; in fact, I have more friends now than before, which shows it's good on the whole. There's still work to be done, especially when it comes to ensuring full acceptance in all areas of life, like employment and healthcare. But the increasing visibility of transgender women in media and public life has definitely made a positive impact. Overall, I feel that attitudes are shifting, and people are becoming more open-minded and supportive, which gives me hope for the future.
Monika: More transgender women are stepping into the public eye these days, and many are becoming recognized figures in their fields, think of Lana Wachowski in film directing, Jenna Talackova in modeling, Kate Bornstein in academia, Laura Jane Grace in music, and Candis Cayne in acting. Do you see a similar trend taking shape in England, with transgender women gaining visibility and recognition across different industries?
Aeris: No, I think the UK is yet to have a transgender star. I think when that person breaks through, it will be a really positive thing. It's definitely a matter of time, and it will be a game-changer for the visibility and acceptance of transgender people. A well-known transgender figure in the UK could inspire so many others and show society that there is no limit to what we can achieve. It would also help break down some of the remaining barriers and stereotypes that still exist.
|
| Aeris featured in a Daily Mail article. |
Monika: Do politics or lobbying play any part in your life? And do you think transgender women can have a real impact in that arena?
Aeris: I do vote on election day, but that's as far as it goes. Yes, I do think transgender women can make a difference in politics. With the right voice and the courage to speak up, we can bring attention to issues that affect not just transgender individuals but also the broader society. Our perspectives are unique, and as more transgender women enter politics, they can help shape policies that are more inclusive and just. There's still a long way to go, but every step forward counts, and visibility is key to creating change.
Monika: Fashion seems close to your heart. What styles do you gravitate toward, and are there particular designs, colors, or trends you love?
Aeris: Now we are talking. I love fashion, yes, yes, and yes. I mix and match high street clothes with designers. I love shopping for clothes; it's one of my favorite hobbies. I'm all about experimenting with different styles and creating unique looks that reflect my personality. As for colors, I tend to lean toward bold, vibrant tones, but I'm also a fan of classic neutrals for a more timeless vibe.
Monika: What are your thoughts on transgender beauty pageants?
Aeris: I think they are beautiful and can confuse a lot of men, lol. I would be happy to be involved in a beauty pageant in some way or another, it's one of the items on my to-do list. There's something empowering about seeing transgender women embrace their beauty and showcase their confidence on stage. I think these pageants help challenge societal norms and show that beauty isn't confined to a specific gender or look. Plus, they offer a platform for transgender women to celebrate their journeys and connect with others who understand their experiences.
Monika: How involved are you in your local LGBT community?
Aeris: I am in a way, but I am involved in a lot of communities. My friends say I float around like a social butterfly. I love meeting new people and delving into new experiences. The LGBT community is one I hold close, though, because it's a space where I feel understood and accepted. I try to support events, attend meet-ups, and contribute when I can, but I also like to be involved in other groups that align with my passions. Ultimately, I think the more communities we're part of, the richer our lives become.
Monika: What advice would you offer transgender women who are hesitant to transition early, or who fear discrimination and hatred?
Aeris: Ultimately, you can either stay unhappy and please others, or you can give it a go and see if it's right for you. It might be right for you, or you might think it's not what you expected it to be. Just try to be safe and sensible, take baby steps to build your confidence when you start your journey. Only tell people whom you trust at first, don't tell the world, as you might change your mind in the early days. If you can afford it, start your laser hair removal and voice training as soon as you can. These two steps are the first thing on your transition. And remember, there's no rush, your journey is yours to take at your own pace, and it's okay to make changes along the way. Trust yourself and be kind to yourself through it all.
Monika: What's next for you, and where do you see yourself in five to seven years?
Aeris: Well, my operation for SRS is going to be in January 2014, so that is not that far away now. After my operation, I'm planning on getting my music out on the live scene again. I have been recording my songs in a home studio, and they will be ready in a short while. I have a lot of other little projects that I am working on, which I will introduce on my YouTube channel in the future. Over the next few years, I want to build my career and personal brand while continuing to share my journey with others. I also see myself becoming more involved in activism and using my platform to support the transgender community.
Monika: Would you say you're a happy woman today?
Aeris: It's lovely looking in the mirror and finally seeing someone you always knew was there. Every day feels like a step closer to being the person I was meant to be, and that brings me a sense of peace and joy.
Monika: Aeris, thank you so much for this conversation, it's been a pleasure.
All the photos: courtesy of Aeris Houlihan.
© 2013 - Monika Kowalska
