Alessandra Bernaroli’s story became an important chapter in Italy’s struggle for transgender rights and legal recognition. In 2009, after completing her gender transition and obtaining legal recognition as a woman, she found herself facing an unexpected consequence: the authorities declared the end of the civil effects of her marriage, despite the fact that she and her wife wished to remain together. Their case raised fundamental questions about gender identity, marriage, and the right of couples to continue their lives together without state-imposed separation. Born in 1971, Alessandra began her transition in 2007, at the age of 36. She had studied economics, worked as a bank employee, and served as a trade union leader. After undergoing gender-affirming surgery in Thailand, facial feminization surgery in Spain, and voice surgery in the United States, she continued to build her life as a woman while confronting the legal obstacles that threatened her marriage.
In June 2014, Italy’s Constitutional Court ruled that the law governing the automatic dissolution of a marriage following the legal gender transition of one spouse was unconstitutional insofar as it failed to provide a way for couples wishing to remain together to retain a legally protected relationship. Although the ruling did not immediately preserve Alessandra’s marriage, it represented a significant legal victory and called on Parliament to introduce an appropriate form of civil union. The case is due to return to the Supreme Court of Cassation for a final decision. Alessandra’s struggle is about more than her own relationship. It challenges the barriers faced by transgender people seeking equal rights, dignity, and recognition under the law. In this interview, she discusses her personal journey, the implications of the Constitutional Court’s ruling, and her determination to contribute to lasting change for the LGBTI community in Italy.
Monika: Alessandra, welcome! It’s a pleasure to have you with us today.
Alessandra: Hello Monika, thanks for this opportunity to talk about LGBTI civil rights!
Monika: To begin, tell me a little about yourself.
Alessandra: I was born a man in 1971 and lived my life forcing myself to adhere to the image that society established for people who had a male appearance. In my teen years, there was neither Internet nor so much “correct” information about transsexualism, so I always tried to deny my innermost feelings, believing that they were wrong and that it was happening only to me and no one else in the world.
Monika: How did you live with those feelings while growing up?
Alessandra: However, that was not true; now I know it! I behaved trying to look as manly as possible, and I succeeded easily in doing this, also because of my physical appearance, which was, at that time, indubitably male both in aspect and in attitude. Year after year my deep feeling of being a woman didn’t disappear, of course.
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| Fashionista. |
Monika: What did your adult life look like before your transition?
Alessandra: I graduated in economics, served one year in military service, practiced chartered accounting, and finally worked as a clerk. In the meantime, I found love and I got married. Until then, it was 2005, and I was a man!
Monika: Then came June 2014. After your surgery and a five-year court battle to remain married to your wife, the Constitutional Court in Rome ruled that your being a woman was no reason to disregard your marriage. How did that news feel?
Alessandra: Well, initially we (me and my wife) didn’t believe it could really happen! We didn’t think that in such a reactionary country like Italy this Court could be so courageous and unconventional as to give such a ruling. So this piece of news was very unexpected and initially we were so joyful, but … after a while, after reading the whole text of the judgement, we started to think that Italy is still Italy, after all. In fact, on one hand, the Court said that it is not possible to dissolve our marriage because this would mean an infringement of the Italian Constitution; but on the other hand, at the same time, this Court said that it is not possible for a same-sex couple to be married in a union called “marriage”, because this would represent an infringement of the Italian Constitution!!!
Monika: What will that judgement mean for couples in your situation in the future?
Alessandra: It is not completely clear what this judgement will mean in future, but we can point out some elements: first of all, there is a sort of “cognitive error” in that a transgender couple is assimilated to a lesbian couple. That’s not true: in fact, homosexuality is related to sex, but transsexualism refers to the gender of a person, so they involve different spheres, biological and social ones.
In Italy, unfortunately, at this time there is not any law allowing same-sex marriages, but our case is completely different: in fact, our marriage, a transsexual marriage if we can define it like this, was initially a “regular” heterosexual marriage (celebrated in a Catholic church because in Italy Catholic marriage complies with the Italian legislation due to an article of the Constitution) in which one of the spouses had a gender (not sex, if we wish to be meticulous) change. This change is regulated by a detailed law (of 1982, revised initially in 1987) and this law speaks clearly that the marriage could be valid until the will of the spouse said stop! But as we know, in Italy law is written for the friends and (mis)interpreted for the others, as we used to say!
Monika: Why do you think the judges wrote the decision in such a contradictory way?
Alessandra: So, in brief, maybe for fear that giving us the full and unconditional ruling in favour of our marriage would have introduced same-sex marriages in Italy, some judges (because in Italy there is not any dissenting opinion, for instance as in the case of CEDU sentences) put pressure on the others to write an enigmatic judgement, which unfortunately collided with logic and common sense, too. It’s interesting and important to underline that the Catholic Church has not cancelled our marriage, which curiously is still valid for the Church (and the Church doesn’t change the name of a transsexual person, even after SRS). Being effective for the Church means that it is not contrary to “public order”. In the end, there is this bitter flavour of a Nation; Italy is not capable of making a clear decision in order to pave the way for progress and respect for human beings …
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| Lady in white. |
Monika: The legal battle has been long and exhausting. Where does it stand today?
Alessandra: Yes, it has been a long legal battle, maybe too long, and it has not ended yet. In fact, as I said before, now our lawsuit comes back to the “Cassazione” Court (Supreme Court) that, given the decision of the Constitutional Court, should say the last word about our marriage. I hope that finally they will be courageous enough to provide us with a clear and civilized ruling. This battle is really difficult, because it implies a change of mentality and a different cultural approach, and that’s not easy, especially in Italy.
Monika: What lies behind that resistance to change?
Alessandra: The problem is not only the Catholic culture that permeates the thinking of older and even younger generations; more generally, the difficulties we face are the mirror of a blocked society, unable to change, indifferent to the proper and natural claims of an important part of society, namely the trans, gay, and lesbian community. Our battle, in this sense, could be seen as a fight for the future of our society, deciding whether civilization could go further towards liberty, well-being, and self-fulfillment of people or towards barbarism and regression.
Monika: Beyond your own marriage, what does this victory mean for Italy’s transgender community?
Alessandra: This legal battle is for sure fundamental for transsexual (and, in general, for intersexual and LGB, too) civil rights in Italy; but if you, with the words “transgender community”, refer to the world of trans organizations, I’m not sure that there’s a real consciousness of the very importance of this battle in the minds of this kind of “political activists” (it’s a euphemism)!
Monika: Why have those organizations had so little influence on Italian politics?
Alessandra: The matter is that Italian trans organizations have never been numerous or full of members and, not only for this reason, haven’t had much clout in politics, despite some LGB activists (even a self-styled transgender) who have had some little political roles, even sitting in the national Parliament. In my opinion, the attitude of organizations towards politics was to pursue some “ideological” cultural targets referring to the so-called culture of diversity or freedom of expression, which, of course, are important and fundamental points, but they do not aspire to achieve the legal recognition of civil rights. The result, at present, has been some political chairs for some lucky ones, some public tasks, and just nothing that could really change and improve transsexual and intersexual lives.
Monika: Whether you intended it or not, you have become something of a transgender icon in Italy. How do you see that role?
Alessandra: Oh, I don’t know if I am so “iconic” as you say. For sure it was not my starting intention because, believe it or not, after my SRS I thought of living in stealth as long as possible! Maybe it was utopian, I must admit, just because I worked in a big bank and I was for many years a union leader in my institute. Now things have changed, and yes … I want to give the most powerful contribution I can to cause a strong change in my country, because I think the time is ripe and T* people have waited so long until now!
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| Evening in the city. |
Monika: Tell me about your own transition. How old were you when it began, and was the process difficult?
Alessandra: I started my transition process in 2007, at age 36, but, as we all know, the feeling of a mismatch between body and mind is inside you since childhood. I started the process when I was able to achieve a strong self-consciousness of my very essence. I found that the process is both physical and social, and it is so complex, to say the least! Regarding the physical side, once I decided on the kind of surgery I needed, it was difficult for me to find the right surgeon and clinic in which I could undergo the operation. In a few years I had SRS in Thailand (Dr. Suporn), FFS in Spain in three separate steps (Facial Team), and voice surgery in the USA (Dr. J.P. Thomas). Maybe I was lucky and for sure the surgeons were very good, so I didn’t have any complications and nowadays I’m very satisfied with the overall result.
Monika: The social side of a transition can be even harder than the medical one. Was that true for you?
Alessandra: With reference to my social acceptance, certainly it was a more difficult process. I was very worried about the transition, because I thought that I would never ever be able to live, act, and look like a woman. In fact, I worked hard all my life to be as manly as possible! Instead, after a very short period as a transvestite, in a sort of real life test, after starting TOS, I found every day easier to live in my feminine habits.
Monika: How did your friends, colleagues, and family respond as you changed?
Alessandra: Due to my friends and work colleagues, I underwent the changing process gradually, starting to dress little by little in a more unisex way and, most of all, trying to speak about LGBTI matters every time I had the occasion to do it. I made myself understood, so it was possible for other people to figure out the difficulty of the transsexual phenomenon in a world full of stereotyped messages. I put every effort into explaining my situation and needs to all the people around me. The effort was well repaid, I can say now! My parents, after the initial astonishment and disbelief, supported me thoroughly. However, the major and most important support came and is coming from my wife.
Monika: Were there any transgender role models you looked up to while you were transitioning?
Alessandra: To tell the truth, in Italy at that time there was no such role model to look up to. Abroad, surfing the web, I was fascinated by the success stories of some transsexual persons like Andrea James, Lynn Conway, Caroline Cossey, April Ashley, Coccinelle, Amanda Lear, and Jenny Hiloudaki. Moreover, I found many interesting and useful stories of various girls on the old “Geocities” website.
Monika: Coming out is rarely easy. What was the hardest part for you?
Alessandra: I feared that people would not respect me by saying that I was a transsexual woman. I feared the weight of having to demand my identity, fearing that someone could question it, which never happens to anyone else but a transsexual person.
END OF PART 1
All the photos: courtesy of Alessandra Bernaroli.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska