Monika: Today, I’m inviting you on a journey to the East Midlands region of England to chat with Kamila, a truly inspiring woman from Poland. Kamila is not only a transgender activist but also a successful business support analyst working in the British civil service. I’ll be discussing her experiences of living as a transgender woman in both Poland and the UK. Hello Kamila! Dzień dobry!
Kamila: Dzień dobry, Monika! First of all, I would like to thank you for your invitation to take part in this project. I'm humbled by your invitation. It’s always a pleasure to share my story and raise awareness about transgender issues.
Monika: Could you share a bit about yourself and what brought you to the UK?
Kamila: As previously stated by you, I am originally from Poland. However, I have been living in the United Kingdom since 2005. The whole reasoning behind the move was to transition and become the person I am today. Most of you would probably be aware of Poland’s transphobic approach and lack of LGBTQ+ acceptance. I am a 34-year-old civil service employee who is bubbly, outspoken, and a little bit glitzy. Like a glitter tornado! I’ve learned a lot about resilience along the way, and I now thrive in an environment that allows me to express my true self.
Monika: How have you been navigating the challenges of the pandemic, and how has it impacted you personally?
Kamila: I am trying to remain focused and positive. Here in the UK, the virus was really unkind and affected so many people, taking so many lives. It's heartbreaking. Many of my friends were badly affected. Although times are hard, I believe soon we will be able to tackle this pandemic and hopefully return to normality. Through all of this, I’ve become more grateful for the small moments of joy and connection in life.
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| "I started HRT in 2008 and I couldn't be happier. I understand that medical transition is not an option for many but I cannot praise it enough." |
Monika: Did you begin your transition before moving to the UK, or did you wait until you arrived there?
Kamila: No, I did not. I tried. As soon as I reached 18 years of age, I did seek help from a gender specialist back in Poland, but that didn't work out. The easiest route for me was to move and transition here in the UK. I felt like I had to leave behind the limitations of my environment to fully embrace who I am.
Monika: I've interviewed some British trans women before, and a few of them shared concerns about long waiting lists and the quality of services provided by the National Health Service to the trans community. What’s your perspective on this issue?
Kamila: This is correct and accurate. But it's also worth mentioning that even though we have to manage long waiting lists, these critical services are still available. We are very lucky indeed to have a designated NHS team to look after us. In many countries, trans people don’t have access to any specialized care, so we should appreciate what we have.
Monika: Are you aware of any other Polish transgender women who have moved to the UK to transition?
Kamila: Sure, I am. Many, like myself, are deciding to move and transition here. The UK offers a more supportive environment for us, which makes it a popular choice.
Monika: How involved are you in the local LGBTQ community, and do you still stay connected with Poland's trans community?
Kamila: I am trying to be. I am definitely supportive, but my heart still belongs to Poland, and I am trying to uplift people’s spirits there. I am a moderator of one of Poland's biggest Transgender Support forums, transpomoc.pl. We have over 11 thousand users, and I am heavily involved in making this a safe place for any transgender person in Poland. It's amazing to see how much we've grown and how much support we can provide. I also work on a few other collaborations that I'm not allowed to discuss just yet. All I'm going to say is watch my Instagram for updates!
Monika: You’ve been very vocal about the struggles facing the transgender community in Poland, and the pervasive transphobia in society. What are the biggest challenges a trans girl has to face there?
Kamila: Prejudice, lack of help and support from the Polish government, and poor education on what it actually means "being transgender." We are being fetishized and excluded from the community. In many cases, people are disowned by their families. Transition is expensive, and many people don’t have the money to afford it. Socially, it’s also still taboo, and demonizing our community by the conservative Catholic government doesn't help. It feels like the government is actively working against us instead of providing any real support.
We are living in the 21st century, and Polish President Mr. Duda publicly calls us an ideology – not human beings. This is extremely difficult, and there’s no way I could fully express in just a few sentences the challenges the transgender community is facing in Poland. Very upsetting. I miss my country, my friends, and (most) of my family, but as things stand right now, I cannot imagine living there.
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| "My transition and passing went all very smoothly really. I would say one step at a time." |
Monika: We all pay a high price to fulfill our dreams of being ourselves. We lose our families, friends, jobs, and social positions along the way. Did you have to pay such a high price as well? What was the hardest part of your coming out journey?
Kamila: I was petrified and scared. Looking back now, I honestly don't know how I managed to do it. Certainly, I didn't expect things to turn out the way they have. The hardest part for me was dealing with my family. I knew most wouldn’t understand, and I’ve lost many people who I thought loved me. But, in a way, I’ve also gained a lot more, myself, my true self.
Monika: I know it myself. Our transition is always a test for love and friendship. If someone loved or liked me as a man, why should they stop doing so when I am a woman? I noticed some photos with your friends, mostly girls. Are they your school friends? Did you manage to keep those friendships?
Kamila: I'm going to surprise you here! In fact, yes! My support network still includes a fair few of my childhood/school friends. I'm totally chuffed about it that our friendship not only survived my gender transition but also the distance. It's proof that true friendships can endure and grow, no matter the challenges life throws at you.
Monika: Kamila (or Camilla) is a beautiful name. How did you choose it, and does it hold any special meaning for you?
Kamila: Full credit to my amazing mother. She is behind this decision. She picked this name for me and stood by my side through thick and thin all the way. She's my rock, and I'm blessed to be called her daughter. Every time I hear my name, it reminds me of her unwavering love and support.
Monika: Was your mother surprised when you officially came out and began your transition?
Kamila: She watched all of it happening over the years. I doubt she was surprised—maybe in a positive way? I'm still growing as a person and definitely have a few tricks up my sleeve left! I think there is still a lot of room to surprise her and others, of course! Her unwavering support has been my greatest source of strength.
Monika: Many of us struggle with the pressure of "passing" or not, and while cosmetic procedures can help, society will always judge us in some way. What advice would you give to trans women dealing with this challenge?
Kamila: My transition and passing went very smoothly, really. I would say, take it one step at a time. There are plenty of non-invasive procedures that can help with that too. In the end, it's not about what others expect you to be or look like, but what feels right for you. Beauty comes from within. My advice is: keep your head high and crack on! Self-love and confidence are the most important—no procedures will help you better than this. Surrounding yourself with supportive people also makes a huge difference.
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| "I was petrified and scared. Looking back now I honestly do not know how I managed to do it." |
Kamila: Absolutely! Best decision of my life. I started HRT in 2008, and I couldn't be happier. I understand that medical transition is not an option for many, but I cannot praise it enough. It's amazing. Truly. It has not only changed my appearance but also brought me inner peace and confidence.
Monika: Are there any transgender role models who have inspired you or influenced your journey?
Kamila: Of course! Dana International! She won the Eurovision Song Contest in 1998, and by doing so, she made me realize who I am and what I want. Her confidence and success showed me that being true to yourself can lead to incredible achievements.
Monika: Was Dana International the first transgender woman you ever saw on TV? And do you remember the first time you met a transgender woman in person? What was that experience like for you?
Kamila: She was, indeed. I do remember, sure! We are still good friends. LOL
Monika: Are you passionate about fashion? What styles do you usually go for, and do you have any favorite designers, colors, or trends that inspire you?
Kamila: I am inspired by Katie Price mixed with Kim K. I love very feminine styles. I'm not really into labels. As long as it's sexy and sparkly! You have to maximize your assets if you know what I mean. Confidence is the key to making any outfit shine!
Monika: Oh yes, I do! Speaking of beauty, do you often experiment with your makeup, or do you prefer to stick to a signature look?
Kamila: I'm addicted to it! It gives me power and enjoyment. I tend to keep up with all the trends. Currently, I can't get enough of big lashes and nude lipsticks! Makeup is like art to me—there’s always something new to try!
Monika: By the way, do you enjoy receiving compliments on your looks, and do they boost your confidence?
Kamila: I think every woman likes it. It's nice being appreciated. And for us, transgender females, we take extra pride in our appearance. A simple compliment can make my whole day brighter!
Monika: How important is love in your life, and how has it shaped your journey?
Kamila: Love is the only treasure we can have in our lives. Life without it would be miserable. That's why once you have it, do keep hold of it as it's so precious! Trans or not, everyone deserves it. It's important to me to have this bond and connection with someone. Humans are not designed to live by themselves. Although I can't complain about romantic interest around me, I am still waiting for my Prince Charming! I believe that love, in all its forms, is what truly gives life meaning.
Monika: When it comes to dating, do you feel it's important to be open about being transgender from the start?
Kamila: In day-to-day life, I tend to keep my transgender status to myself. At the end of the day, it's no one's business, really. However, when it comes to dating, I feel I have to be open about it. You can't expect to build anything on cracked foundations, hence why I always disclose this to my dates. Honesty is the foundation of any good relationship, and I believe that openness leads to better understanding.
Monika: Many transgender women have shared their stories through memoirs. Have you ever considered writing one yourself?
Kamila: Totally! It would put ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ to shame! Who knows what life holds! I'm at this stage of my life where nothing seems impossible. If I strike a book deal, you will be the first one to know! And this is a promise! I think it could be an inspiring read for others in the community, showing them that anything is possible.
Monika: That sounds amazing! What’s next for you in the near future, and where do you see yourself in the next 5-7 years?
Kamila: Right now I'm focusing on my job. This is my main priority. After two years of trying, Queen Camilla is sitting in the British civil service! Who would think that? I want to be successful and progress in what I'm doing. I'm planning on purchasing my first property here in the UK in one of the coastal towns (I absolutely adore the seaside). I also hope to continue inspiring others, especially within the transgender community, as I climb the career ladder.
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| "Next 5-7 years? To be the best version of myself. To be happy. I hope for a romance, dog, and good company and of course to be healthy!" |
Next 5-7 years? To be the best version of myself. To be happy. Everything else falls into place then. I hope for a romance, a dog, good company, and of course, to be healthy! So far, life has been very kind to me, and expecting more seems greedy. I think the key is to continue embracing the present and be open to whatever life brings next.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender women who are afraid to take the first step in their transition?
Kamila: Don't let anyone EVER dull your sparkle! Be bold, be brave, and be outgoing. We only get one chance in life, so we might as well have a blast! Nothing in this world matters more than being at peace with yourself. Trust yourself, take it one day at a time, and remember: the world needs your unique light.
Monika: Do you agree with the idea that our dreams shouldn’t end with surgery but rather begin there? My pen friend, Gina Grahame, once wrote to me that we shouldn’t limit our potential based on how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing.
Kamila: Hell yes! Being transgender does not define you as a person. Don't let it stop your dreams! Go better, harder, stronger. Transition is only the beginning. What are you going to do next? Be the girl or boy you always wanted to be and aim high! Possibilities are endless. Never give up! Your journey is yours alone, make it a masterpiece.
Monika: Kamila, it was truly a pleasure to interview you. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me!
Kamila: Monika! You are an absolute babe. I am very touched that you chose me to appear on your blog. It's been such a pleasure talking to you. Keep sparkling, my angel. All the best! I hope our paths cross again soon.
All the photos: courtesy of Kamila.
© 2021 - Monika Kowalska
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