Monika: Today let me introduce you to Chris, an American woman from New Jersey that documents her transition on social media. Hello Chris!
Chris: Hi Monika, it’s an honor to connect with you again and I am so happy to share my story and be a part of this illustrious group of sisters. You asked me to do this a few years ago when I was so busy but I wouldn't miss the chance to take part again… Thanks again for asking me, and you are a special woman!
Monika: Could you say a few words about yourself?
Chris: Well, I am so excited to be asked to participate in this first of all. I am 60 years old and I have known I was a woman born in the wrong body since around 8 and started dressing and experimenting with matching my body/dress to my inner soul around that time. I played HS Football and ran sprints for the track team. During this time in my youth, I was a boy scout who loved camping and the outdoors and obtained the Eagle Scout award. I had all kinds of traditional macho jobs like landscaping while in college I dated women and adored women with all my heart but longed to be living as a female.
I went on to college and began a 35+ year career as an account executive in the educational textbooks/technology world. I met my wife at an exhibit for schools and we have been married for almost 33 years. We are blessed with two wonderful daughters. I love sports, music, cars, and landscaping so a bit of a tomboy.
Monika: By the way, I love your hair! You must have a great hair stylist!
Chris: Thank you so much, and I really believe my hair has made a huge difference with my transitioning. I always had short slicked back business hair before my transition so my curly hair was a pleasant surprise for sure. I was advised to consult a curly hair stylist for the maintenance of my curly hair. She was fabulous and we are working on my grow-out to below my shoulders. I love finally having long hair after wearing wigs for years. It is one of the many things I love about being a woman having long hair.
Monika: What inspired you to share your intimate life moments on social media?
Chris: Well, I was inspired by many on Reddit to finally transition after over 50 years of suppressing my being a transgendered woman so I thought I would pay it back. If Reddit was around in the 1970’s I would have transitioned years ago but it was a totally different day back then. I didn't think it was possible to transition at my age at the time I was 55 so when I saw many “seasoned” transgender women I decided to go for it.
 |
| "I am very proud to be a trans woman." |
I had dressed as a woman all my life, so I had my look pretty much nailed down to what I wanted my look to be. I am very proud to be a trans woman so I wanted to share the joy my transitioning is offering me.
I never hated living as a man but I longed to live as my true self. It's fun to share my joy and offer support and encouragement to other trans women it is what I am about trying to make others feel better about themselves.
Monika: Do you get many questions from your social media followers? What do they ask for?
Chris: Yes indeed, I receive many questions regarding my transitioning at an older age (late 50s) and now 60. They are curious why I waited so long and how HRT is working on an older woman like myself.
I explain that even though I was kinda macho I had an androgynous look to me that made this go well for me as well. I have always been a health nut and took my vitamins and ate properly, drank very little, and never was a smoker. I am also asked about my family and how they handle it but I keep this to myself for the most part I like to leave them out of this.
Monika: We all pay the highest price for the fulfillment of our dreams to be ourselves. As a result, we lose our families, friends, jobs, and social positions. Did you pay such a high price as well? What was the hardest thing about your coming out?
Chris: My family has been great and see me as the same person just wrapped a bit differently now. I worried about it for years but the urge to transition helped me overcome those fears. The hardest part was telling my wife and daughters. I assured my daughters I would still walk them down the aisle. I am a much better woman than I was a man…
I guess I was always angry and frustrated that I wasn’t living as my true self so I took it out on my family. I am not proud of this but it is what happened. As I often say I have lost my male privilege but I am just as happy to have lost it. Bottom line I am a much much better woman than I ever was a man.
Monika: Was your family surprised by your transition?
Chris: Absolutely because I was such a great actor and had everybody fooled. I was the “all American boy” so they were shocked and amazed I transitioned into such a pretty and feminine woman. I got caught dressing when I was young but I guess my parents forgot. I was kinda a man’s man to overcompensate for my underlying feminine soul/brain. I am a kinder woman and not as angry and much more willing to lend support to others. I was always a people person but now to another level.
Monika: Did you wear feminine clothes after the marriage? Did your wife never suspect anything?
Chris: I did but on the lowdown for the most part only panties on a regular basis. I work from home so I had many opportunities to dress and work on perfecting my look. My wife never suspected anything close to me being a trans woman.
Monika: Do you remember the moment when you came out to your mother and sister?
Chris: Well I am the youngest of 3 and I am very close to my sister and I dressed in her clothes growing up. I subtlety mentioned about 5 years ago that I was a trans woman and they were very comforting and supportive of my transitioning. They said in hindsight I was always good at advising with makeup dress and overall female styling. I was always on top of fashion and women’s latest trends. They say I seem a lot happier since embarking on transitioning.
Monika: Are you satisfied with the effects of the hormone treatment?
Chris: I am elated with the amazing results I have received from my hormone treatment. If I knew it would go so well I would have done this years ago. I had many andro features before transitioning so I guess that has helped. I have good hair... a nice developing feminine body... and my mind is so clear now not fuzzy as it was before HRT.
 |
| "I am elated with the amazing results I have received from my hormone treatment." |
Chris: Yes indeed on this question for sure. Even though many feel I pass well I still have my insecurities about my goal to blend in as a woman. Yes, we must stop worrying about passing and just let HRT do its thing and deal with the cards we are dealt. I was trying to be a beauty queen and this isn’t possible for a 60-year-old 6 ft 185 lbs trans woman but I do my best to fit in.
I am always offering positivity but not false expectations to my trans sisters because I also think giving false impressions is bad too. Keep it positive but realistic! I don’t plan on any FFS just bottom surgery in the near future.
Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a transgender woman on TV or met anyone transgender in person that opened your eyes and allowed you to realize who you are?
Chris: Renee Richards and I would read all about her and totally relate to her and this pretty much sealed it for me that this was me too… I was a trans woman for sure. Christine Jorgensen, Donna Rose, Jenny Boylan, etc I would rush home to watch Donahue and later Oprah to see trans women topics… I came to the conclusion if they can do this so can I!
Monika: Did you have any transgender sisters around you that supported you during the transition?
Chris: I do have a few that are very helpful and very different than the relationships I had with my male friends… much more open to discussing issues that are not often discussed by guys. I reach out for advice and get their opinions on hair dress and makeup.
Monika: What do you think about the present situation of transgender women in your country?
Chris: It’s scary but getting a lot better and we must keep the pressure on our legislators to offer fair and equitable legislation to assist our community. I subscribe to my local LBGTQ chapter here in NJ and try to stay on top of the latest issues regarding us.
Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colors, or trends?
Chris: I like to dress age accordingly so as to not bring attention to myself but I do like dresses a lot and wear them most days I guess making up for the lost time. I won’t lie I like to look sexy in black, purple, navy blue, hunter green a great pair of pumps or wedges and I am good to go. I have a decent body so I try to flaunt what I have.
 |
| "I am a much much better woman than I ever was a man." |
Monika: Do you often experiment with your makeup?
Chris: Absolutely just like CIS women I am always tinkering with my look and I don’t like to bring attention to myself with wild makeup. I am more into a subtle look. I still need to get better at it and plan to do a professional makeover one of these days I always longed to do it but chickened out.
Monika: I remember copying my sister and mother first, and later other women, trying to look 100% feminine, and my cis female friends used to joke that I try to be a woman that does not exist in reality. Did you experience the same?
Chris: I most definitely do the same I emulate my sister, my mother, and the women I observe to see what will work best for me. My mom loves Talbots so I love Talbots. I love to observe women to see what the latest trends are in makeup and fashion.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks?
Chris: I love it and I am still surprised when people say I am an attractive woman. I like to always compliment others so yes I appreciate being called a pretty or sexy woman... I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be called attractive by so many people... I am so grateful!
Monika: Do you remember your first job interview as a woman?
Chris: It was in educational sales and it was easier than other fields because our industry is dominated by women and we sell primarily to women. I am a much more confident and happy woman, so the interview went very well. I am a much better saleswoman than I was a salesman.
Monika: When I came out at work, my male co-workers treated me in a way as if the transition lowered my IQ. Did you experience the same? Do you think it happens because we are women or because we are transgender? Or both?
Chris: A little of both and I ran into that a few times as well… I find as a woman I get talked over
And sadly get treated with less respect for sure. I am designated to do less important tasks and of course, I lost my male privilege. It is frustrating but I remain strong and vigilant and proudly stand strong in my pumps.
Monika: What would you advise to all transwomen looking for employment?
Chris: Just be yourself and stand tall and really don’t act much different than you did in your previous shell. Trans women I have found to be more intelligent than the rest of the population so stand your ground and nail the interview as the wonderful person you are! Don’t be afraid to enter so-called male-dominated work places.
Monika: Are you involved in the life of the local LGBTQ community?
Chris: Not as much as I would like but that will change when I retire. My goal is to mentor younger transwomen and help them with their transitioning and help guide them through some minefields that are often placed in front of them.
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Chris: It's everything to me and I find I can more easily express my love for family, friends, and people I meet. I was always empathetic but now I don’t have to hide my love for others as much… I hope this makes sense, I am lucky to have a great family that loves me unconditionally regardless of my being a transwoman.
Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
Chris: Yes, I document my transitioning experiences every day in a diary and perhaps one day I will put them all together to make a book... ”All American boy is now a Woman!” I would do a book like a self-help guide to transitioning and avoiding some of the minefields that lay in front of you. I am all about positivity because I am so proud to be a trans woman... we are special people if you ask me.
 |
| "I document my transitioning experiences every day in a diary." |
Monika: Are we? In which sense?
Chris: Well I absolutely believe this 100% because I have met so many intelligent and amazing trans women and they have the best insight on life and wisdom about fitting in as trans women. Also we have a unique perspective on living as men and women and we have had experiences that very few people have had or can relate to. I consider us special because we are courageous, kind, compassionate, intelligent, and loving!
Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?
Chris: Living my life as a “blendable” woman and supporting transgender causes and lending support to my fellow trans men and women… and living out my days as a kind and warm woman who can now show all my emotions and express love to others a bit easier now. Reach out to my trans brothers and sisters to help when needed!
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender women that are afraid of transition?
Chris: Please live your authentic life and transition as soon as you can (I regret not doing this much earlier)... we only go around life once and it goes by so fast so do it sooner than later. No regrets! There are many to support and love you during this transition time. You are not alone you have many people who care about your well-being!
Monika: My pen-friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Chris: I most definitely agree with this.
Monika: Chris, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot.
Chris: It was so nice to share a little about my transitioning and I just have to say I loved this experience. Thank you so much!
All the photos: courtesy of Chris.
© 2023 - Monika Kowalska
No comments:
Post a Comment