Monika: How would you describe your fashion style? Are there particular outfits, colors, or trends you enjoy wearing?
Chris: I like to dress age-appropriately so I don’t attract unnecessary attention, but I do enjoy wearing dresses most days, making up for lost time. I won’t lie, I like to look sexy in black, purple, navy blue, or hunter green, paired with a great pair of pumps or wedges, and I’m good to go. I have a decent body, so I try to flaunt what I have. Fashion is a fun way to express myself and feel confident.
Monika: Do you enjoy experimenting with your makeup? How would you describe your makeup style?
Chris: Absolutely! Just like cis women, I’m always tinkering with my look, though I don’t like to bring attention to myself with wild makeup. I prefer a more subtle, natural look. I still need to get better at it and plan to do a professional makeover one of these days. I’ve always wanted to do it, but I’ve chickened out in the past. Makeup is a fun way to enhance my femininity, and I’m excited to continue learning.
Monika: When you first started transitioning, did you ever find yourself emulating the women around you, like your sister, mother, or other women, trying to create an ideal feminine look? I remember trying to look like an idealized version of femininity, and my cis female friends used to joke that I was trying to be a woman who doesn’t exist in reality. Did you experience something similar?
Chris: I most definitely did the same. I emulated my sister, my mother, and the women I observe to see what would work best for me. My mom loves Talbots, so I love Talbots. I love to observe women to see what the latest trends are in makeup and fashion. It’s like learning from the best of what’s out there, while also adapting it to make it my own.
Monika: By the way, how do you feel when people compliment you on your looks? Do you enjoy it?
Chris: I love it, and I’m still surprised when people say I’m an attractive woman. I like to always compliment others, so yes, I definitely appreciate being called a pretty or sexy woman. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be called attractive by so many people. I’m so grateful! It’s a reminder of how far I’ve come, and it really boosts my confidence.
Monika: Do you remember your first job interview after transitioning? How was the experience for you?
Chris: It was in educational sales, and it was easier than other fields because our industry is dominated by women, and we sell primarily to women. I am a much more confident and happy woman now, so the interview went very well. I’m a much better saleswoman than I was a salesman. I felt more comfortable in my own skin, and that made a huge difference in how I approached the interview.
Monika: When I came out at work, some of my male co-workers treated me as though my transition had lowered my IQ. Did you experience something similar? Do you think this happens because we’re women, because we’re transgender, or because of both?
Chris: A little of both, and I’ve run into that a few times as well. I find that as a woman, I get talked over and sadly treated with less respect. I’m often designated to do less important tasks, and of course, I lost my male privilege. It’s frustrating, but I remain strong and vigilant, proudly standing tall in my pumps. I remind myself that these challenges don’t define me, they just make me more determined to succeed.
Monika: What advice would you give to trans women who are looking for employment?
Chris: Just be yourself, stand tall, and don’t act much differently than you did in your previous shell. I’ve found that trans women are often more intelligent than the rest of the population, so stand your ground and nail the interview as the wonderful person you are! Don’t be afraid to enter so-called male-dominated workplaces. Embrace your uniqueness, being authentic is your strength.
Monika: Are you actively involved in your local LGBTQ community?
Chris: Not as much as I would like, but that will change when I retire. My goal is to mentor younger trans women, helping them with their transitioning and guiding them through some of the minefields that are often placed in front of them. I believe it’s important to offer support and share experiences to help others thrive.
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| "I document my transitioning experiences every day in a diary." |
Monika: Could you share what role love plays in your life, especially since your transition?
Chris: It's everything to me, and I find I can more easily express my love for family, friends, and people I meet. I was always empathetic, but now I don’t have to hide my love for others as much… I hope this makes sense. I am lucky to have a great family that loves me unconditionally, regardless of my being a trans woman. Their support has made me even more open-hearted and confident in who I am.
Monika: Many transgender women choose to write their memoirs to share their journeys and inspire others. Have you ever considered writing a book about your own experiences?
Chris: Yes, I document my transitioning experiences every day in a diary, and perhaps one day I will put them all together to make a book... “All-American Boy Is Now a Woman!” I would do a book like a self-help guide to transitioning and avoiding some of the minefields that lay in front of you. I am all about positivity because I am so proud to be a trans woman... we are special people if you ask me. Writing it all down helps me reflect on how far I’ve come and how much I want to support others on this path.
Monika: Would you say transgender women are special people? If so, in what sense do you feel we are?
Chris: Well, I absolutely believe this 100% because I have met so many intelligent and amazing trans women, and they have the best insight on life and wisdom about fitting in as trans women. Also, we have a unique perspective on living as men and women, and we have had experiences that very few people have had or can relate to. I consider us special because we are courageous, kind, compassionate, intelligent, and loving! Our journeys demand resilience, and that resilience often turns into strength we can share with the world.
Monika: What is the next step for you at this point in your life, and where do you see yourself in the next 5 to 7 years?
Chris: Living my life as a “blendable” woman and supporting transgender causes and lending support to my fellow trans men and women… and living out my days as a kind and warm woman who can now show all my emotions and express love to others a bit easier now. Reach out to my trans brothers and sisters to help when needed! I hope to be someone others can look to for encouragement, strength, and a reminder that authenticity is always worth it.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender women who are afraid to begin their transition?
Chris: Please live your authentic life and transition as soon as you can (I regret not doing this much earlier)... we only go around life once and it goes by so fast, so do it sooner than later. No regrets! There are many to support and love you during this transition time. You are not alone, you have many people who care about your well-being! And once you begin living as your true self, you'll find a sense of peace that makes the challenges worth it.
Monika: My pen-friend Gina Grahame once told me that we should never limit our potential because of how we were born or by comparing ourselves to what other transgender people are doing. She said our dreams shouldn’t end on an operating table, that’s where they begin. Do you agree with her perspective?
Chris: I most definitely agree with this. Transitioning is not the end of the journey, it’s the beginning of a more authentic, empowered life where we can pursue our goals without hiding who we are.
Monika: Chris, it was truly a pleasure to interview you. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story with me.
Chris: It was so nice to share a little about my transitioning, and I just have to say I loved this experience. Thank you so much! I hope my words can offer encouragement to someone out there on a similar journey.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Chris.
© 2023 - Monika Kowalska
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