Monika: Do you participate in any lobbying campaigns? Do you think transgender women can make a difference in politics?
Aleana: I really don’t get into politics. I pay attention and I raise my voice when needed. But activism is not really my bag of beans. I spend my time raising my children to be good members of the community. I feel I can influence the world directly by first being a good parent. My father once said make sure your own house is in order before worrying about others.
I took that to heart and while I am sharing custody with my Ex on a 50/50 basis I am at school every day to say good morning and at the end of their school day to make sure they had a good day. I speak all the time with the teachers as I feel small changes are easier than big ones when it comes to education. I expose them to all communities’ LGBT+ and otherwise. I also expose them to multi-cultural environments.
Do I think Transwomen can make a difference? Simple Yes. Some people are very good at and it does not matter what gender they are.
Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion brands, colors, or trends?
Aleana: Gosh I am really bad. One of my close girlfriends points out on a regular basis I am such a Femme. To that, I have to admit I am a girly girl. Allen Was a black or black type of person, there is only one color and that was black.
Aleana: I really don’t get into politics. I pay attention and I raise my voice when needed. But activism is not really my bag of beans. I spend my time raising my children to be good members of the community. I feel I can influence the world directly by first being a good parent. My father once said make sure your own house is in order before worrying about others.
I took that to heart and while I am sharing custody with my Ex on a 50/50 basis I am at school every day to say good morning and at the end of their school day to make sure they had a good day. I speak all the time with the teachers as I feel small changes are easier than big ones when it comes to education. I expose them to all communities’ LGBT+ and otherwise. I also expose them to multi-cultural environments.
Do I think Transwomen can make a difference? Simple Yes. Some people are very good at and it does not matter what gender they are.
Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion brands, colors, or trends?
Aleana: Gosh I am really bad. One of my close girlfriends points out on a regular basis I am such a Femme. To that, I have to admit I am a girly girl. Allen Was a black or black type of person, there is only one color and that was black.
Now I love the ability to wear colors and the way they can make me feel. Yellow is a no-go zone I have since found out someone should have told that to a 17 y/o Allen a long time ago.
Trends, oh I am in my 40’s trends, haha. But yeah I do try to avoid clothes that make me stand out. But I sometimes get suckered into very vibrant colors and clothes. I think once I came out of the shadows I was free and enjoy the colors of life and I am not going to stop. RED mmmm. lol
Monika: I have read somewhere that cisgender women were liberated thanks to the development of contraceptive pills whereas transgender women are free now thanks to the development of cosmetic surgery, so they are no longer prisoners of passing or non-passing syndrome …
Aleana: No, the Trans community is still a prisoner to so many different issues. I think the passing non-passing is only the tip of the iceberg. A case in point is the issue that some of us feel that to be accepted we have to have facial surgeries, vocal surgery, and the like no matter the risk.
Monika: I have read somewhere that cisgender women were liberated thanks to the development of contraceptive pills whereas transgender women are free now thanks to the development of cosmetic surgery, so they are no longer prisoners of passing or non-passing syndrome …
Aleana: No, the Trans community is still a prisoner to so many different issues. I think the passing non-passing is only the tip of the iceberg. A case in point is the issue that some of us feel that to be accepted we have to have facial surgeries, vocal surgery, and the like no matter the risk.
 |
| Aleana with Son H. |
When you look at ciswomen they come in all shapes sizes and levels of beauty. The more we accept the media classification of beauty the more we become slaves to it. Yes, I will agree that you have a right to shape your body to your level of so-called beauty. But where does it end? Also by doing so are we teaching young women that to be beautiful you have to conform?
What lies under the water is the struggles all women face. So are we really free?
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Aleana: Well this is the can of worms’ question, lol. Let’s start off with I am very much in love with being a parent to my children and their lives. They are my world and I show them in every way that they are loved and cared for. I learned that from my experiences that love for your children can make or break their childhood.
Now for a different part altogether on this question. I was married for 14 years to the mother of our last three children with whom I share equal custody. When it ended I felt a loss that shattered all my ideals on the term “True love”. In these last few years, I have had the ability to reach an understanding of what is important in my life as far as love in concerned. I started to look at what I needed in a partner and tried to avoid the issue of want. I also looked at the issue of misunderstanding of mistaking lust for love. In doing so I am able to know what I am looking for in a partner.
But I would also like to touch on something that is a real fact for the Trans community. That being the issue of finding relationships is so very hard and in a way very new. You see I am still attracted to women and I have no clue how to approach them. Let alone who I can approach so now I am hanging back and seeing what time will unfold. It is a whole new world of dating women who are attracted to women.
Then you have others like a friend of mine who are attracted to men. There are a huge amount of unforeseen risks there. Some that women have been dealing with since the dawn of time.
But I will also like to stress to everyone there is NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE! Don’t accept it and think it will change, it doesn’t believe me I have learned.
Monika: Are you working on any new projects now?
Aleana: Oh gosh yes. I am working on about 3 books at the same time. I would have never thought that I would ever be a writer after all I am Dyslexic. I would be lost without my editor, I hope she does not kill me for not giving this to her first, lol.
I am hoping by the end of the year to have my second book published called “Leaves”. This is the first book I am not writing in front of the world it is a bit of a top-secret until it is out.
My second book is a cookbook I know it sounds funny and if you know my mother she had a very hard time cooking. Microwaves were the biggest blessing growing up, thanks, dad. I learned a lot about cooking and some wonderful meals that my kids have grown to love.
What lies under the water is the struggles all women face. So are we really free?
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Aleana: Well this is the can of worms’ question, lol. Let’s start off with I am very much in love with being a parent to my children and their lives. They are my world and I show them in every way that they are loved and cared for. I learned that from my experiences that love for your children can make or break their childhood.
Now for a different part altogether on this question. I was married for 14 years to the mother of our last three children with whom I share equal custody. When it ended I felt a loss that shattered all my ideals on the term “True love”. In these last few years, I have had the ability to reach an understanding of what is important in my life as far as love in concerned. I started to look at what I needed in a partner and tried to avoid the issue of want. I also looked at the issue of misunderstanding of mistaking lust for love. In doing so I am able to know what I am looking for in a partner.
But I would also like to touch on something that is a real fact for the Trans community. That being the issue of finding relationships is so very hard and in a way very new. You see I am still attracted to women and I have no clue how to approach them. Let alone who I can approach so now I am hanging back and seeing what time will unfold. It is a whole new world of dating women who are attracted to women.
Then you have others like a friend of mine who are attracted to men. There are a huge amount of unforeseen risks there. Some that women have been dealing with since the dawn of time.
But I will also like to stress to everyone there is NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE! Don’t accept it and think it will change, it doesn’t believe me I have learned.
Monika: Are you working on any new projects now?
Aleana: Oh gosh yes. I am working on about 3 books at the same time. I would have never thought that I would ever be a writer after all I am Dyslexic. I would be lost without my editor, I hope she does not kill me for not giving this to her first, lol.
I am hoping by the end of the year to have my second book published called “Leaves”. This is the first book I am not writing in front of the world it is a bit of a top-secret until it is out.
My second book is a cookbook I know it sounds funny and if you know my mother she had a very hard time cooking. Microwaves were the biggest blessing growing up, thanks, dad. I learned a lot about cooking and some wonderful meals that my kids have grown to love.
 |
| Aleana with Son G. |
Well, I said to the world if that nutter called Trump becomes the President I am quitting. So, I have started my application to become an Australian Citizen. I have had it, too many stupid people ignore the warning signs over there. On top of that Australia has been very good to me. I need to pay it back by being able to vote.
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender girls struggling with gender dysphoria?
Aleana: When times get hard and we both know they will. Learn to ground yourself and then learn how to take ten minutes to center your energies. Then learn to take one night a week and have a relaxing bath with nice music and bubbles, candles, and just pamper yourself.
Just take the time to reflect on nothing but your physical needs. I find that once my physical needs are reset I can then start to reflect upon life-based issues and see a clearer path and solution. I was very lucky to have a brother from another mother who is an expert in helping others. Who saw my needs in grounding and worked very hard to teach me how to do it and the benefits. Ever since I am able to reset when I need it the most.
Yes, I still have my dysphoric times and that cannot be avoided but I now have the power to avoid them from shutting my world down.
Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transsexuals and transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Aleana: I think I would like to expand upon her thoughts. This last year I took the time to study Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. I then started to reflect upon my needs more than my wants and once those were met I began to understand the true importance of life. I started to see the blessings that I am surrounded with.
My children and I after we fled from domestic violence we gave our time to do a bread run. What a bread run is, is taking the left-over bread from a local bakery and giving it to those who are doing it a bit hard. I found that this not only allowed us as a family to grow it helped us see that our problems are not as big as they might seem. We did it for a year we saw so many faces shine in love for our acts of kindness. What was even better is I am Trans and I cared for them without asking for anything in return.
Then I was asked by a friend if I might be willing to take my experiences to a different audience. I was invited to join the Human Library project. I have been so blessed to enjoy talking to others about my life and about being a Transwoman. To others who might never meet me on another stage.
I started my blog about 3 years ago in a way to make money. But as I kept writing it I started thinking maybe it is better to give away the information about being trans. Once I started to look at giving to others it made my outlook on life change.
So, in conclusion, I would say this we are more than a bag of bones and blood. We are more than a sum of our parts. We are amazing creatures filled with love, hopes, dreams, and kindness. Once we grasp who we really are magic of our souls will truly flow.
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender girls struggling with gender dysphoria?
Aleana: When times get hard and we both know they will. Learn to ground yourself and then learn how to take ten minutes to center your energies. Then learn to take one night a week and have a relaxing bath with nice music and bubbles, candles, and just pamper yourself.
Just take the time to reflect on nothing but your physical needs. I find that once my physical needs are reset I can then start to reflect upon life-based issues and see a clearer path and solution. I was very lucky to have a brother from another mother who is an expert in helping others. Who saw my needs in grounding and worked very hard to teach me how to do it and the benefits. Ever since I am able to reset when I need it the most.
Yes, I still have my dysphoric times and that cannot be avoided but I now have the power to avoid them from shutting my world down.
Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transsexuals and transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Aleana: I think I would like to expand upon her thoughts. This last year I took the time to study Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. I then started to reflect upon my needs more than my wants and once those were met I began to understand the true importance of life. I started to see the blessings that I am surrounded with.
My children and I after we fled from domestic violence we gave our time to do a bread run. What a bread run is, is taking the left-over bread from a local bakery and giving it to those who are doing it a bit hard. I found that this not only allowed us as a family to grow it helped us see that our problems are not as big as they might seem. We did it for a year we saw so many faces shine in love for our acts of kindness. What was even better is I am Trans and I cared for them without asking for anything in return.
Then I was asked by a friend if I might be willing to take my experiences to a different audience. I was invited to join the Human Library project. I have been so blessed to enjoy talking to others about my life and about being a Transwoman. To others who might never meet me on another stage.
I started my blog about 3 years ago in a way to make money. But as I kept writing it I started thinking maybe it is better to give away the information about being trans. Once I started to look at giving to others it made my outlook on life change.
So, in conclusion, I would say this we are more than a bag of bones and blood. We are more than a sum of our parts. We are amazing creatures filled with love, hopes, dreams, and kindness. Once we grasp who we really are magic of our souls will truly flow.
Monika: Aleana, thank you for the interview!
Aleana: You’re more than welcome.
All the photos: courtesy of Aleana Robins.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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