Nia Chiaramonte is a storyteller of transformation, both lived and lovingly told. A mother of five, a devoted wife, and a transgender woman who came out after 35 years of hiding, Nia embodies the kind of courage that blooms quietly in the face of fear. Her life is a powerful mosaic of motherhood, advocacy, and humor, stitched together with threads of faith, empathy, and radical honesty. Professionally, Nia is a seasoned Human Resources executive with over two decades of experience building compassionate, inclusive workplaces across education, health, and global humanitarian spaces. She believes in putting “Employees First,” and brings that same conviction to her advocacy for trans and queer families. Whether guiding an organization toward equity or speaking directly to a parent navigating their child’s coming-out journey, Nia leads with love, and a laugh when needed (which, she’ll tell you, is often).
With a B.A. in Psychology and an MBA in Human Resources, Nia has dedicated her career to understanding human behavior, only to discover her greatest revelation in herself. Since coming out as a transgender woman, she has turned her truth into purpose, writing a memoir, co-founding Love in the Face with her wife Katie, and hosting the heartfelt podcast Embracing Queer Family. Today, she lives near Baltimore with her family, a rescue dog, and an enduring love for The Office. She is living proof that healing is possible, families can evolve, and joy is a birthright, even, and especially, in the face of change.
Monika: Hello Nia! Thank you for accepting my invitation.
Nia: Thank you so much for reaching out!
Monika: There’s a sentence on your website that really stayed with me: “I’ve spent my whole life trying to understand human behavior, but didn’t understand myself.” I saw so much of myself in that line. And yet, with your background in psychology, you’d think understanding yourself would come a bit easier, right?
Nia: As someone who came from an evangelical, fundamentalist Christian, midwestern US environment, my trans identity was buried pretty deep. I lived with an understanding I was different, but wasn’t sure why or how. I thought that studying people would help me understand myself and ultimately it did help me understand my own human motivation, but in order to use my Psych background to help understand myself and come into my full identity, I first had to get through the shame and worthlessness that had become my identity from my religious upbringing. Once I dealt with that, discovering who I am became less of a study and more of just being.
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| via lakedrivebooks.com |
Nia: Yes for sure. I tried to live my life as authentically as possible. I was open with people around me, tried to be vulnerable, and to some extent was successful. But I was hiding a huge piece of me.
As I have moved through life, I realized that not only was I hiding my identity from everyone else but I was hiding it from myself too. Once I was able to see it, I was able to realize that while yes, I had been vulnerable and authentic, I didn’t even really know what that was.
Monika: There’s a growing number of transgender women sharing their stories through biographies and memoirs. What do you think it is about this format, the biography, that calls to so many of us? Is it about reclaiming our narrative, creating a roadmap for others, or something else entirely?
Nia: I think it’s a combination of things. I know when I came out, other people's stories, especially in memoir form, really helped me to think about and see myself in their journeys. I definitely want to pass that along to others. I want to be able to tell my own story, reclaiming my narrative too. When I came out, many other people talked (gossiped) about me through the church prayer chain and beyond. While I knew I couldn’t control it, there is something satisfying about being able to use your own words to “set the record straight.”
In addition, I wrote this because I needed to write during my journey. There was an element of necessity, looking for hope, looking for something beyond the hard moments that I was experiencing when I came out. I needed to write to get it out of my body, to know I was still alive and wasn’t crushed beneath the expectations of others, which I felt strongly at the time. So I’d say multiple reasons, but taking control of my own journey and narrative is definitely a through line.
Monika: You’ve had such an impressive journey, from earning your B.A. in Psychology, to completing your MBA focused on HR, then progressing through key roles at Heartland Area Education Agency, leading as Senior Director of People at LifeStraw, and now serving as ATD’s Executive Director of Human Resources. But beyond all these accomplishments, there’s so much more you’re doing now, both alongside Katie and in your own unique way.
Nia: I feel like my career and actually my gender journey too have been pretty organic. I fell into HR because I didn’t want to go back to graduate school right after earning my Psychology degree. I realized I loved helping people. I love creating safe spaces for people at work as people need it to thrive. I created a safe space while working at Heartland AEA, so much so that I felt like I could come out. When I did, I was fully seen, and others in the organization started to ask questions like, “I have a grandchild who is trans, can you help me find some resources?” I’d like to think that the safety I created and the open stance that I have in HR allowed people to come to me with questions like that.
Ultimately, Katie and I started Love in the Face to support LGBTQ people and their families. In the process of mentoring trans people and their spouses, we learned a lot. Drawing from our own journey, we published Embracing Queer Family, to help families move through the coming out process in a loving way, even when relationships feel unstable. It became the practical guide we wished we would have had as partners and for our family during the coming out process.
Monika: You’re a mother of five? That’s not just heroic, it’s mythical. While I’m over here losing track of my coffee cup and emotional stability, you’re raising five entire universes. Honestly, it feels like something out of a modern-day epic. Do you ever sleep, or just run on love and caffeine?
Nia: Ha! I actually didn’t start drinking coffee until last year (I know right?). I think with our kids, raising them to be curious, loving people, parenting is much more of a joy. Every time I try to clamp down on them it becomes a slog, but when we set them free it’s really fun. My wife and I are great partners in parenting too which really helps. And I’m also tired all the time.
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| "When I came out as transgender, I knew Katie would love me no matter what." |
Monika: How did you and Katie meet? Was it one of those rare moments when something just clicked deep inside you or did your connection grow slowly, shaped by shared values and quiet understanding?
Nia: We actually met in second grade. We became best friends in middle school. I think inherently we knew that we were providing safety for each other to be ourselves, even if we didn’t even know what that was or who we were in middle school. We started dating in High School and haven’t looked back. Our love grows with each joyous moment and each heartache. It sounds cliche, but we see each other in ways others can’t.
Monika: During your transition, was there a moment when you realized Katie’s love and commitment were unwavering? Or was it something you always quietly trusted deep in your heart?
Nia: When I came out as transgender, I knew Katie would love me no matter what. I didn’t know what it would mean for our marriage, but I knew she would support me, even if it meant we might have to separate due to incompatible sexualities. When I came home after therapy and told her I was trans, she said, “I know.” There were many conversations after that to understand what it would mean for us, but in the end, Katie discovered her own Queer identity and we realized we are more in love now that we can see all of each other.
Monika: So many of us navigate the roles of wives, mothers, and daughters, often carrying the weight of our pasts and sometimes longing to leave it all behind. Yet, you’ve chosen to embrace your identity with such strength, becoming an advocate for transgender rights and vocal about presenting a positive image of our community in society. In the face of all this, have you ever felt the pull of staying in the shadows, of simply being seen as a woman, without the added layers of being a transgender woman?
Nia: There are definitely moments where I just want to blend it like I used to be able to do so well. But most days I recognize that being trans is a unique experience. I want to be able to honor all parts of me, and that means talking about where I’ve come from and how I’ve grown. Also, I am a trans woman, no matter if I would like it to be otherwise. I am a woman with a trans experience which is very different from cis women. Just as I want to learn from other cis womens’ experiences, I think we can learn a lot from trans womens’ experiences and I’m happy to share mine.
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| via broadleafbooks.com |
Nia: Yes and no. People who are still in strong relationship with me did change how they treat me and interact with me, because I have asked them to. I said I’m a woman, please treat me as such. But those who know me well, also know that I’m not any different.
I’m more outgoing now, probably more fun to be around, but I’m the same person. Certainly my close relationships, like that with Katie, have changed. She calls me her wife now. We interact differently, but no differently at the same time. It’s hard to describe but it’s really a both/and situation.
Monika: During your transition, did you have any transgender role models who inspired you or helped guide your journey?
Nia: I definitely read some memoirs, but those folks felt inaccessible. The accessible women who I looked up to were mostly on social media. I would reach out, talk to them, get advice, and most people were so generous with their time and would help me get a better feel for the trans woman experience. I think that’s another reason I wrote my book. I want people to know that I am accessible and would love to create a safe space for others.
Monika: I finally felt free after my transition. How about you? Was there a single moment, or maybe a series of moments, where you truly felt like you had stepped into your most authentic self?
Nia: There were definitely little moments, but one of the biggest that I talk about in my book had to do with the shame and worthlessness that I inherited from my evangelical, fundamental Christian upbringing. I had this moment, like a waking dream, where I discharged the man that I knew myself to be. I told him I appreciated his protection, but he was no longer needed. In that moment, when he walked away, it felt like he took all the shame and worthlessness with him, and I felt completely free. It was pretty wild.
Monika: Many transgender women have a variety of experiences with hormone therapy. Looking back, how do you feel about the physical and emotional effects it’s had on you?
Nia: Being on HRT has allowed me to feel. I kept everything so bottled up for the first 35 years of my life. When I came out, my feelings started to come out, and when I got on HRT, I was able to feel my body for the first time which allowed me to also feel my emotions. I was finally able to see the body that I thought I should have after being on HRT a while too, which brought me to a place of contentment, which I never thought would be possible.
Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a trans woman on TV or met one in real life that helped you realize, “That’s me!”?
Nia: I do. Unfortunately they were terrible depictions of trans women in movies and TV like the Jerry Springer show. They would bring out folks and show them as sick and twisted, but I’m sitting there going, that’s me! It was confusing for sure. The first trans woman I met was while I was working at an employment agency. She came in to find work and I was so drawn to helping her. At that point my identity was still hidden from me, but seeing her made me go, oh, I see myself a little more now.
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| "I honestly hate the word pass." |
Monika: Many of us feel the pressure to “pass” as women, and even after surgeries, society keeps judging us. How do you personally deal with the outside world’s expectations?
Nia: It’s such a dance. I honestly hate the word pass. It implies there is a way to be a cis woman and I should aspire to it. I think the COVID pandemic helped me evaluate what I was doing because I needed to do it for myself and what I was doing for others. My voice is a great example. There were moments early on where I was ashamed of my voice. I thought if I had a higher voice, people would stop judging me. But when COVID hit, and I couldn’t be around others, that feeling went away. I didn’t care about my voice, it doesn’t really give me dysphoria.
It’s really the feeling of judgment that I don’t like. Sorting that out can be really tough, but I typically have to ask, if no one was around, how would I feel about this. That usually helps me understand where my discomfort is coming from. Also, I came from having expectations put upon me, that I act like a man, and I don’t ever want to go back into a box like that, even if it’s a box made for a woman.
Monika: What are your thoughts on the current situation for transgender women in your country?
Nia: It’s rough right now. There is so much fear. As laws start to be implemented and rights start to be taken away, there is also an empowering of people who might want to hurt trans people. There’s a lot of unknown. There are so many people who are speaking up in support of the LGBTQ community though, and it gives me hope that the folks who would like to do trans people harm hopefully won’t be in power forever.
In the short term though, it’s hard to navigate which states can I use the women’s restroom in and where could I get in trouble for being a trans woman. Living in a supportive US state, it especially comes up when I travel away from my home. And others have to live with unsupportive state governments every day.
END OF PART 1
All photos: courtesy of Nia Chiaramonte.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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