Monika: Are you satisfied with the effects of the hormone treatment?
Ceecee: This is a difficult question to answer. What were they supposed to do? It’s been so many years, I haven’t really thought about hormones for a very long time. But I do remember responding very well to them both mentally and physically.
Monika: You look like a million dollars. So I am sure this question is not relevant to you. However, I am curious about your advice. We are said to be prisoners of passing or non-passing syndrome. Although cosmetic surgeries help to overcome it, we will always be judged accordingly. How can we cope with this?
Ceecee: I can’t answer that in one simple answer. I have a lot of opinions about the topic. I’ll make sure to cover it on TikTok and/or my upcoming membership site.
Monika: Do you remember the first time when you saw a transgender woman on TV or met anyone transgender in person?
Ceecee: On TV was one of those awful old talk shows where trans people were treated like monsters. In person? It was in Scotland at a restaurant with my family. My sister had died that year so we went on a family holiday together to get away from everything. The waitress at this restaurant was trans and I remember how kind my parents were to her and how respectfully they spoke of her. She was young and they expressed admiration and hoped the world was kind to her. I thought “why can’t you think of me this way?"
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| "I think I’m pretty neutral on fashion. I have never cared about trends or anything like that." |
Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colors, or trends?
Ceecee: I think I’m pretty neutral on fashion. I have never cared about trends or anything like that. I am very into beauty and clothes are an extension of that, but it’s all about what I like. I focus on what I believe makes me look my best.
I have a traditional hourglass shape, so I can’t wear anything oversize or with lines that are too straight. I immediately look like a frumpy old lady. If I’m wearing a dress (and I often am) it will be a bodycon or wiggle dress. Occasionally I’ll wear a more “girly” dress, but I can’t veer from the overall shape. A-line dresses or dresses that are meant to hide rather than enhance my curves just look... awful on me haha! I SWEAR BY HIGH-WAISTED COTTON TWILL PANTS.
I do wear heels, but never more than medium height. I just don’t find sky-high heels very... elegant. Especially not for every day. I try to avoid any synthetic fabrics because my skin punishes me whenever I wear anything that isn’t natural fabrics, basically. My color palette is generally very light: whites, pastels (mainly lavender and variations of pink, but also some blues), neutrals (creams and beiges, and florals…. And red. God, I love red.
Monika: Do you often experiment with your makeup?
Ceecee: No, haha! I’m very much someone who sticks to what works for me. Contrary to what one might think, I wear very little makeup. I wear makeup nearly every day because I love it and I have my “look”, but it’s not a “heavy" look. I’m not sure I’ll ever stray too far from the makeup I do now. I have found something that I feel is ideal for me.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks?
Ceecee: I think any positivity that people decide to send my way is welcome and I am humbled that they would take the time. I don’t read too much into it.
Monika: Are you involved in the life of the local LGBTQ community?
Ceecee: I don’t really have a “base” right now, so no. I moved right before the pandemic and spent the past year and a couple of months in the countryside, isolated apart from my bubble, like everyone else. I try to do what I can online for trans and queer youth when they reach out to me. Once I settle somewhere, I will definitely be involved.
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Ceecee: What kind of love? Self-love? The love between friends? Family? Lover? In any case, to love is to be connected and connection matters more to me than anything.
Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
Ceecee: I have and I am. On and off. Hahaha!
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| "I try to do what I can online for trans and queer youth when they reach out to me." |
Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?
Ceecee: I have ADHD, I can’t possibly answer this haha! Hmm... I am going to Amsterdam in a couple of days. I’ll be there working on my membership site until Christmas. In the next 5 years, I hope to be back on the road, doing public speaking and connecting with people in person, sharing our trauma, recovery, and healing. Building friendships.
I am working on a “course” version of the philosophy I devised that helped me deal with my mental health and become a happier person which I am excited to share. Basically, just making sense of life the best way I know how: by being of service. If I leave people with anything, I hope it’s more kindness, the ability to forgive, and... self-deprecation.
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender women that are afraid of transition?
Ceecee: I can’t make broad generalized statements like that. Their fears might be perfectly valid. I would have to speak with them.
Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Ceecee: I do agree... except about the operating table part. Dreams should begin far before that.
Monika: Ceecee, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
Ceecee: You are very welcome. Thank you for having me!
END OF PART 2
All the photos: courtesy of Ceecee Jacobsen.
© 2021 - Monika Kowalska
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