Monika: Did you ever consider any other names that held emotional or symbolic meaning for you?
Felicia: I also had another consideration... Long before I came out, I would go to the goth clubs en femme. People called me “Wednesday” after Wednesday Addams, because I wore braids. It was the first time in my life I ever felt seen, and because of that, I guess I built an emotional connection to that name. Also, as it happens, I was born on a Wednesday. The universe was speaking to my heart! So what to do? Felicia means “happy,” and according to a great aunt of mine, it means “beloved daughter.” I loved that, true or not. Ultimately, I decided on both. Now and forever, I am Felicia Mercoledì De Rosa, and it feels exactly like me.
Monika: Transitioning is not just a personal journey; it also reshapes our relationships, especially with those who support us. Have you noticed a shift in how people treat you since your transition?
Felicia: **falls out of chair, laughing** Yes, I have absolutely noticed a shift in how I am treated. Cis men try to talk over me, explain things to me that I already know (oftentimes better than they do!). And in most cases, just after I explained the thing to them! Before I came out, I was afraid of cis men. Afraid they'd see through my disguise. Now? They amuse me. Cis guys, especially the older ones, often try to put their hands on me. It's that old-school, implied toxic sense of ownership that a majority of men seem to have in regards to women's bodies. I guess I tick some boxes? It never goes well for them. I memorized their rulebook, after all, and if needed, I can use that knowledge against them.
Monika: Have you noticed similar shifts in how women relate to you?
Felicia: Cis women, I have found, get weirdly competitive with me, which totally confuses my brain. I am not a competitive person. Not at all. I mean, I didn't transition for anyone but myself, and if my mere existence makes someone uncomfortable, how's that my problem? Seems to me that person needs to do some work on themselves, right? Does that make me bold? Confident? I don't try to be. I'm just living my best life as much as I can, and spreading love and kindness wherever I'm able, in my own weird way.
But at the same time, I don't take shit from anyone, ever. I am very much my grandmother's granddaughter that way.
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| Lust. |
Felicia: Most of my friends stayed my friends. I lost a few, sure, but for the most part... they were happy that I was happy. Sadly though, over time, more and more of them have faded away. Now it's just a few of the really good ones that are left. Likewise for my family. Sometimes it bothers me, but mostly I figure I'm probably better off without them. Life is short. I don't have time for one-sided relationships.
I have always believed that when you transition, so do the people in your life. I have found this to be really true more often than not. It's important then, for each of us to keep that in mind as we evolve, make sure the people in our lives have resources and community, too.
Cis girls have said that me being a woman has made them rethink what being a woman means to them. I get asked what I am doing in the name of feminism, and how I will be a good role model for young women. I always answer: “By living honestly, being true to myself, and staying connected to all the strong women who inspired and influenced me when I was a girl.” Empowered women empower women, after all.
Monika: During your transition, did you have any transgender role models who inspired you or helped guide your journey?
Felicia: No one famous, but definitely my friends. I am very fortunate that I have the community and chosen family that I have. It honestly saved my life more than once.
Monika: Many transgender women have a variety of experiences with hormone therapy. Looking back, how do you feel about the physical and emotional effects it’s had on you?
Felicia: This part is complicated for me to describe. According to my doctor, I am on the intersex spectrum. For me, it's chemical as opposed to genetic. I don't really know what to make of that information. All I know is that physically, I have always taken after the women in my family. I was small, and I had a higher voice.
I survived so much bullying and abuse…
So when I started HRT, it hit me like a wrecking ball. I changed SO MUCH.
When I was starting, I didn't really know what to expect, if anything. I figured it would be a TRANSITION, and I would gradually change and after 6 or 7 years see where I was at, and go from there. But my body, as it turned out, had different plans. Within a month or so, I had noticeable breasts, so there was no gradual anything. It was me being thrown in the deep end of the pool and having to tread water as best as I could.
Physically, I was constantly trying to keep up with myself.
Monika: How about the emotional effects? How did hormone therapy impact you mentally and emotionally?
Felicia: Emotionally, I actually leveled out and became more stable. But I was starting from 11-year-old me, before I locked her away. In a sense, I had to grow up all over again... except this time, it was in a much more affirming way.
Monika: The journey to being our true selves often comes with a heavy price, losing friends, family, and sometimes even our jobs. What was the hardest part of coming out for you, and how did you navigate it?
Felicia: The hardest part was having to start my life over. I have lost almost as much as I have gained. Grief and loss are now old friends of mine. How do I navigate it? How does anyone? One step at a time, sweetie.
What I can say is that I didn't come this far to ONLY come this far, and I'll be damned if I let anything or anyone get in my way.
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| Rome is Burning. |
Monika: Many of us feel the pressure to “pass” as women, and even after surgeries, society keeps judging us. How do you personally deal with the outside world’s expectations?
Felicia: To me, in this context, there is no right or wrong way to “be a woman.” Once I learned that, it got easier to let myself be myself. I just don't care what the world's expectations are. I am Felicia; I am a living allegory.
Monika: What are your thoughts on the current situation for transgender women in your country?
Felicia: In a word? Dire. The whole trans community in the U.S. is facing complete socio-political erasure and violence. Under the weight of close to 900 pieces of unconstitutional, poorly written, and vague legislation on the verge of becoming law, we are losing healthcare, housing, employment, marital rights, you name it. We are strong and fighting hard, but we're being worn down. At this point though, with the avalanche of literally EVERYTHING ELSE that's happening, it's become painfully clear that anyone who is not a cis white hetero Christian man is under attack.
Monika: I remember the time right after my transition, it was pure euphoria. My closet is still full of dresses and shoes that I literally bought by the dozens back then, and I must have tried on hundreds. I felt like I had to make up for all those years that were taken from me. Did you feel the same way?
Felicia: Yes, definitely. I went through all the phases a girl goes through when growing up and figuring out who she is. Most of it was OK, but there were a few moments where I realllllllly needed a style advisor, haha.
Monika: How would you describe your personal style? Do you follow any specific fashion trends, or do you have go-to outfits that make you feel confident?
Felicia: Peasant goth? Folk punk? I have been a goth since the late '80s. Not much has changed, really. Sometimes, I'm flowy and romantic, other times I'm vampy. Occasionally, especially if I am speaking somewhere, I'm more “corporate goth.” It depends. I do make, remake, or modify most of my clothes to better suit my personality.
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| Katheryn. |
Felicia: So, in the beginning, I played with a lot of gothy styles, landing pretty hard on “Disney Villain” glam. As I write this, it occurs to me that most of my friends are either drag or burlesque performers... they may have influenced my rather “theatrical” look a bit, lol.
After a few years, I started asking myself, “Do I really need to put on a full face of makeup to get groceries? To go to the studio?” It seemed excessive, so I kinda stopped wearing makeup, except for special occasions or, like, date night. I'm kind of the goofy, spooky girl next door. My lesbian friends call me a “hard femme.” Maybe that's my vibe? I like having options and not conforming to social standards. It allows me to be more of a shapeshifter.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks? Do you find it easy to accept compliments, or do you struggle with believing them?
Felicia: I blush. It feels weird when people compliment me. I was an abused kid, so I have a hard time trusting people. I spent so much of my life feeling ugly. I try to accept the compliment with grace and offer one back, if it's appropriate. Who knows? Maybe one day I will believe it.
Monika: Did you ever feel pressure to meet a certain ideal of femininity, like I did by trying to look like the women around me?
Felicia: I think initially. I felt like I had to look perfect or something, or I couldn’t leave the house. I guess I was as affected by image culture as much as anyone else. It can be pretty overwhelming, the human need to fit in… finding your community and feeling accepted, it’s primal. It’s SAFE. I honestly think I made myself a little crazy with it all.
Monika: When did that pressure start to shift, and how did you come to define femininity on your own terms?
Felicia: After a while, I sat down with myself and really thought about what I wanted. What was my goal? I wanted to look like the women in my family. Basically, I wanted to look the way I would have looked if I had been assigned female in the first place.
Once I realized that, the pressure went away on its own and things felt more... attainable? Grounded? Having affirmation surgery definitely HELPED. I look like a twin of my younger sister.
When I feel off or maybe down on myself, or if my dysphoria flares up, I look at a side-by-side image I made of my sister and me to remind myself: “Hey! You’re doing OK! Calm down.”
Monika: What was the most surprising part of your transition, something you never expected, whether good or bad?
Felicia: This is a trip. I was just having this conversation. I look at pictures of old me, and I do not recognize that person as me. It's more like I'm looking at a picture of a dead sibling or an ex-boyfriend or something. In my head, all my memories have edited the boy out entirely and rewritten Felicia in. Same memories, same lived experiences, just as my authentic self. I cannot remember a time when I was not “this.” It's probably a PTSD/trauma thing.
Monika: How has love shaped your life and your journey as a transgender woman? Could you share what role love plays in your personal growth and happiness?
Felicia: My transition eventually ended my marriage. It was the worst thing I've ever experienced. I'm still badly heartbroken, but it's been a few years, and I'm starting to come out on the other side of it. It's not easy to let a 20-year relationship go. We are trying to remain friends, but I don't know if it's sustainable. I'm single now, and it's so surreal. As it turns out, I've transitioned into a “straight” girl. I did NOT see that coming.
Monika: What has dating been like for you since transitioning?
Felicia: I've tried dating... met a few nice guys... I'm currently hanging out with a cute bartender!
I do worry that I've become too emotionally numb to connect to someone new. Plus, I'm quite demisexual, so I need that emotional connection to feel safe enough to enjoy physical intimacy. I don't know if I will have that again or not. So for now, I'm dating myself. I'm learning who I am outside a coupling. It's not too bad. I get a lot done. Besides, with the world on fire, a new relationship is really the furthest thing from my mind.
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| DivaNation |
Monika: Many trans women are writing their memoirs these days. Have you ever thought about writing your own book, and if so, what would its central message be?
Felicia: I AM writing a book! It's about vampires!! It's folklore. It's historical fiction. It's fantasy. And, it's horror. I'm SO CLOSE to finishing!! As far as memoirs, I do have a draft of one going. I feel like I want to wait a bit longer before I really dive in, though. There's a lot happening right now, so I'm mostly taking notes.
Monika: Finally, what’s next for Felicia? What dreams and goals are you working toward now?
Felicia: Finishing my transition. Staying alive long enough to enjoy it. Publishing my novel. Showing my art. Spending time with my chosen family/community. Possibly fleeing the country?
The takeaway here is that I am looking toward the future for the first time in my life, ever.
Yes, I can see the irony.
Monika: Felicia, thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights.
Felicia: Anytime! ❤️
END OF PART 2
Writer's blog - My blogspot
Instagram - My Instagram
Patreon - My Patreon to get support for my book
transstorytelling - My grassroots trans org
@Felicia_DeRosa
child-of-woe.bsky.social
@Felicia_DeRosa
child-of-woe.bsky.social
DeRosa-Life-Love-Art-Transition - The documentary stream on Amazon
All photos: courtesy of Felicia DeRosa.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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