Monika: Can you share an example of a news outlet handling a trans-related story particularly well?
Fran: A year or two after I left, there was the story of Karen Adell Scot, a longtime high school science teacher and former sheriff’s deputy up in the foothills just south of Yosemite, whose intended low-key coming out became public, and national, after a teacher who objected to her gossiped about it. The Bee was on the story and got all the nuances and vocabulary right, and while some of the comments were really vile, the stories treated her well. (As did many of her students and some of her fellow faculty.) The care with which they reported that story really stuck with me.
Monika: Despite improvements, what ongoing challenges do you see in the way the media covers trans issues?
Fran: There are still problems with news coverage. Many of them involve misgendering murder victims, accidentally or not. In some cases, it’s not the media’s fault; reporters get their info from the police, and in quite a few cases, the victim will have an ID that doesn’t match their gender or appearance. It’s a systemic issue that needs careful and proactive correction.
Monika: Is there a specific case that highlighted this problem for you?
Fran: I know that the Bee had a sticky situation a couple of years ago. It was in the killing of an elderly Fresno trans woman. She was white, in her 60s, and had just come out not long before. Late one night, a passenger in a van called over to her, and when she got to the window, he jabbed his knife in her neck and killed her. The images on the camera on the building in front of where she died were grainy; the killer was never caught; and, Fresno being Fresno, the cops misgendered her in the media. It was a grim reminder that how a person is remembered can hinge on the respect, or lack thereof, shown by institutions.
Monika: What was the family’s response, and how did the local media adjust its coverage?
Fran: She had only begun to transition maybe four months earlier, and even her brother, her next of kin, didn’t know. He knew that his sibling crossdressed but didn’t know she had gone full-time and by the name K.C. But the cops (the police and the public in Fresno generally don’t have a good relationship to start with) kept referring to the victim as male. The paper, in turn, initially identified the victim as male, based on the info from the P.D. But the Bee did do a follow-up story that focused on the public misgendering, as the story had gone national, and gave light to all sides of this: the victim’s family, her friends, the local trans organization, the police. It was one of those moments where local journalism had the chance to redeem itself a little.
Monika: How have other media outlets handled similar stories, especially in more sensationalized cases?
Fran: Contrast that with what the Plain Dealer/Cleveland.com did in 2013 with the murder of a trans woman. She was only 20, she was Black, she was brutally murdered, and her body was found in a pond a month later. The website ran a garish headshot of her that appeared to have been a mugshot, reddish-pink hair, facial hair shadow … and her male name. But that was nothing: Not only did the stories identify her throughout as a man, one headline read “Oddly dressed body found in Olmstead County pond identified.” On top of being murdered, the poor woman had her character assassinated by this alleged news outlet, and despite the firestorm of protest about the way her killing was handled, the paper doubled down on its stance. It's a stark example of how media can perpetuate violence even after death.
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| Looking fab heading to my 35th high school reunion, October 2014. |
Fran: I’ve Googled some stories since, and it seems they’re finally on board with the matter of getting the gender right with murder victims (and trans murders are still a huge problem in Cleveland, it seems), and talking to the families of the victims. Small changes can have big ripple effects when it comes to treating victims with dignity.
Monika: What are your thoughts on the major media outlets’ deeper coverage of trans issues, when they actually attempt it?
Fran: There was one more glaring journalistic sticking point with me. It was Time magazine’s Laverne Cox cover story, which I approached both as a trans woman and with a journalistic eye. On one level, oh yeah, great! A trans woman has made the cover of Time. But scratch beneath the surface. First, it was nine pages, but five of the nine were photos of trans people. The actual story was but a brief four pages, but worse, it was a shallow, not-very-faceted, Trans 101-type piece using Laverne as a launch point, something that could have, should have, been written years earlier, and in more depth. It was as if the Time powers-that-be said, “Look! We’re doing a transgender story! How hip and trendy of us to now notice that they exist!” A little late to the party, you know? It’s frustrating when visibility is framed as novelty rather than necessity.
Monika: What ultimately disappointed you most about the Time story?
Fran: The crime, as sometimes happens, wasn’t in the story itself, but how it was played. In this case, it was the timing. A story on trans people that should’ve run in a major publication years before was placed to coincide with the season-opener of Orange Is The New Black.
As I see it, our story was reduced to cheap product placement to promote a TV show. I wrote a blog post at the time with the headline “Dear Time: Thanks for Nothing.” I was pretty pissed about it. I don’t really read Time anymore, even in the doctor’s office. It’s a shame, because they had the power to do better, and chose not to.
Monika: Many trans people engage in advocacy through visibility, education, or even just everyday courage, but what about formal politics? Have you ever thought about taking a more direct role, like lobbying or running for office? And in your view, can trans women truly move the political needle?
Fran: I’d love to be able to work politically for the recognition of our civil rights, either in front of or behind the scenes. Who knows? Maybe run for office in a place where I might have a great shot at winning. But I live in a weird place geopolitically. The trans civil rights fight has been long settled in Connecticut, so maybe it’s best to look at national positions or offices as the best places to effect change. It’s a source of frustration for me.
I’ve always believed that the best way to bring about change is to win over hearts and minds, one or a few at a time, and I think I’ve done a lot of that just by living day to day, interacting with the world, and occasionally giving talks. Even small, local-level engagements can have ripple effects we don’t always see immediately.
Monika: Do you think there’s enough urgency within the broader American public to support real progress on these issues?
Fran: As I said before, it’s an afterthought to many of the people I’ve encountered. But progress is coming far too slowly, especially when many of us Americans across the board are in the fight of our lifetimes right now, from the enemies within, and I’m not sure how effective any battle might be now unless we can manage to flip Congress next year. There’s a real sense of holding our breath, waiting for the tide to turn.
Monika: Have other countries offered a more hopeful political path for trans women, in your opinion?
Fran: In general, on the political stage, we’re not there yet, but we will be eventually. Progress, though, has come faster in other countries. Four countries have had trans women elected to Parliament: New Zealand (Georgina Beyer), Italy (Vladimir Luxuria), Poland (Anna Grodzka), and the UK (Nikki Sinclaire). Here in the States, there was Stu Rasmussen, who served three terms as mayor of Silverton, a town in northwestern Oregon. But on larger stages, the Land of the Free lags behind.
I did follow Misty Snow’s campaign last year. She had a mountain of factors stacked against her, as a trans woman and a Democrat in Utah, but it didn’t stop her from running for the Senate against the incumbent, Mike Lee. She might have been beaten badly, but she did shine a national spotlight on trans people and the possibilities of one day being in positions of power. Those campaigns may not always end in victory, but they rewrite the political imagination.
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| My first girls' day out and my first makeover. San Francisco, MLK Day 2008. |
Monika: Do you think that we could live to see the day when a transgender lady could become the President of the USA? Or the First Lady at least? :)
Fran: I hope, given what we have dominating all three branches of our government right now, that we can all just live to see the next day, period! But if we get past what could become the worst crisis in our history, and we get our collective sanity back, I could see a transwoman eventually as president, though I’m not sure about it in my lifetime. I mean, why not? Of course, there would be an uproar if a non-trans woman didn’t break the glass ceiling first, which many of us thought definitely was going to happen a few months ago, but in time. Maybe not in my lifetime, but I can envision it.
Monika: Fashion means different things to different people, self-expression, play, identity, even comfort. How has your personal relationship with style evolved through your journey?
Fran: Well, I’m on the big side (all those years of anxiety and depression eating), though I’m doing my best to work it off (I do go to the gym four days a week). It does limit what I can wear, but it’s my fault; I know that. Had I been able to transition at a much younger age and not had to deal with the anxiety, perhaps I would’ve stayed the skinny thing I was until my mid-to-late 20s, maybe even pursued dance beyond the elective ballet and jazz classes I took as a senior in college. And bought lots of groovy paisley ’60s dresses at thrift stores. Fashion has always felt like a bit of a time machine to me, what you wear can evoke who you could have been.
Monika: When you’re putting together an outfit, what types of clothing make you feel best?
Fran: I knew very early on that I would have to wear a lot of loose-fitting clothes. I did some searching on the web when I began the journey, and I found a page that discussed what types of clothing were best for different body types. Look, if I could get away with ’50s dresses out of a Douglas Sirk movie, or tight blouses and pencil skirts, I would. But that’s not realistic at this point.
For me, it’s mostly tunic-type tops, and a few dresses, a couple of pairs of jeans, a couple of skirts, and lots of leggings and tights. I found a great website to buy tops early in the trip; it’s called HolyClothing.com, an American company that sells ethically made tops, dresses, and skirts from India, and their sizes run from small to 5X. Some of the dresses and skirts are too hippie or Ren Faire for my tastes, but their tops have done me well. Some of my other clothes are from a couple of friends in Fresno who lost a lot of weight; they still look great and I wear them proudly. Finding pieces that align with both your shape and your personality can feel like a small but mighty victory.
Monika: What about accessories, any particular wardrobe items that have played a symbolic or emotional role for you?
Fran: I was always a shoe fiend. I have dozens, some from eBay (which is sometimes a great place to find them on the cheap), others from various stores. Shoes were my first visual cue that maybe I was different. I was about 4 or 5, it was white go-go boots and Mary Janes. Eventually, as I grew a little older, ballet slippers. I wasn’t into heels, though that would come a bit later. My tastes as a grown kid run, naturally, to ballerina flats and Mary Janes in various colors. I still haven’t splurged on the go-go boots, but maybe one day… Shoes have always felt like little pieces of truth I could carry with me.
Monika: Are you into heels now, or do you prefer to keep things more grounded?
Fran: As far as heels go, I like them (at least until they start to hurt), not too high, generally, maybe 1–2 inches. And as I said above, I learned to stride very well in heels both literally and figuratively. However, I haven’t worn them in a long time. I blew out my right knee two and a half years ago, simply walking down a step heading to a subway in Grand Central, and while the knee is fine now (though my football career is over, I’m afraid), I’m still skittish about heels, as I was about stairs for a long time. There’s a vulnerability to injury that sticks around, even after the body heals.
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| In a moment of happiness. Cafe Nine, New Haven, May 2017. (Tom Hearn photo) |
Monika: Do you see yourself ever returning to your heels-in-a-box era, or is comfort now the ultimate fashion priority?
Fran: I need to drop more weight so I don’t have to worry about balance or extra wear on the knee joints. I have a few nice pairs that are just sitting in boxes, but I can wear wedges pretty well in the interim. For now, balance and stability win out, but I’m still holding out hope for the comeback.
Monika: Some say that just as the contraceptive pill helped liberate cisgender women in the past, cosmetic surgery has opened doors for transgender women today, especially around visibility and confidence. Do you think medical aesthetics have reshaped what it means to be free or "pass" as a woman?
Fran: I don’t think I’d go that far. That’s because plastic surgery is awfully expensive, and not covered by health insurance, and many trans women can’t afford it. (I could go for a good lipo and tummy tuck right about now…) Access to transformation should never be tied so tightly to privilege, but unfortunately, it still is.
Monika: The idea of “passing” often sparks strong feelings. How do you personally relate to it?
Fran: I wouldn’t call passing a “syndrome,” though. I mean, at least for me, the whole idea of passing has always been about wanting to look my best, the way I’ve wanted to look my whole life, wearing the things I always wear (within reason). But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think passing was a good defense mechanism in the everyday world, since there’s always the chance of running into some meathead somewhere who could give me a hard time if he read me. So for me, passing isn’t about pleasing others, it’s about protecting my peace.
Monika: And when it comes to your voice and presence, how do you feel those elements impact how you’re perceived?
Fran: If someone doesn’t want to pass one way or the other, fine; no biggie. Me? I choose to pass and live the way I always wanted to. Physically, I do pass, and in person, I trained my voice to be comfortably somewhere around midrange, not too deep anymore, not too artificially high. If you think about it, many men project from the bottom of their lungs, many women from the top, and sometimes my voice comes from closer to the bottom. Despite doing radio and narrating a movie, I still think it’s the weakest part of my game; on the phone, I get “sir” much more often than I like. But even with those slips, I’ve learned not to let them undo all the self-affirmation I’ve worked so hard to build.
Monika: Beauty pageants, especially those for transgender women, often spark debate about self-expression versus judgment. What’s your take on their value or impact within the trans community?
Fran: I was never a fan of beauty pageants at all, but if they make some trans people feel better about themselves, then why not? One of the great rewards of the whole transition process is becoming yourself, finding self-esteem, and people should be able to do that without others passing judgment on them, most especially other trans people. Then again, all beauty contests are about passing judgment on another level, aren’t they?
Monika: So many transgender women decide to write memoirs, both to document their personal journeys and to inspire others. Have you ever felt drawn to telling your story in a book?
Fran: I’m actually inching my way toward that. Some of my closest friends have been telling me for years, “Write the goddamn book!” (Yes, that’s a quote.) And the title came to me right at the outset. I started keeping notes, a journal of sorts, in 2008, after I had my epiphany.
Part of the reason I started my blog was to explain the transition trip to others, especially as I was living through the thick of it, and to condense some of my experiences for my book. I’ve cut back greatly on writing the blog because I think I’ve succeeded in explaining my experience to the point where most people now understand it better. The idea of helping others better grasp the realities of transition has always motivated me.
END OF PART 4
All the photos: courtesy of Fran Fried.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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