Monika: How do you feel about the way transgender people are portrayed in the news?
Alana: Caitlyn Jenner has greatly increased awareness, and I have seen many more new people coming out since her coming out. So this is good. But she has also said some things that were hurtful to the community. I am sure none of it was intentional, and I wish her the best with her transition. I just want people to know that for the rest of us, transitioning is a very different world than her world. In other words, reality TV is not reality, in my opinion.
Monika: What kind of reality do you wish the public would better understand about transgender lives?
Alana: When you have heard firsthand so many of your sisters telling with tears in their eyes how they’ve lost their families, when you know how many have been homeless, and how many have lost their careers because of transitioning, you see a very different truth. And then there are those who have been severely beaten, or when you’ve sat beside a sister in the hospital who is under strict suicide watch and very fortunate to still be alive. That is the reality the public needs to hear.
Monika: In your view, can transgender women play an important role in politics?
Alana: Yes, and I believe we will have more transgender women in politics in the future. I also want to add that politicians need to be familiar with much more than just trans issues. I think this is something a lot of us forget. What good are trans or equal rights if we all lose our freedom through an act of war?
Monika: Shifting to a lighter topic, how would you describe your style when it comes to fashion?
Alana: You won't see me on the cover of Vanity Fair, LOL! I am not one to keep up with the latest fashions. I am a simple country girl at heart. Although I do wear dresses occasionally, you are much more likely to find me in jeans or a denim skirt. I guess you could say I’m a denim girl. (smiles)
Monika: What are your thoughts on transgender beauty pageants, especially since some activists argue they promote an unhealthy obsession with youth and beauty?
Alana: As far as the beauty pageants themselves, I really do not have enough personal knowledge about them to comment.
Monika: Even without following pageants closely, how do you view society’s overall focus on youth and beauty?
Alana: The overall obsession with youth and beauty is something we have been programmed into. All women are programmed every time we pick up a magazine, turn on a TV, or go online. We are told we need this product or that product, or we will not be attractive. They have drilled this nonsense into us so deeply that we unconsciously believe it. This is a problem for all of society, but it is especially damaging to trans women. We want to see a beautiful, young, pretty woman in that mirror. But how realistic is that for many of us?
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| Alana enjoying the view from North Mt., Phoenix, AZ. |
Monika: How do you personally cope with these pressures, and what message do you think is most important for trans women struggling with self-image?
Alana: I believe this is one of the top causes of depression, and probably suicide, among trans women, next to being disowned by family. True beauty is what’s on the inside, not our outside appearance. But we are constantly trained to think otherwise. This is one reason I do not watch TV, and I do not miss it either. Still, I struggle with it. Some days I think I look pretty good. Other days, I just want to crawl under a blanket and hide. But realistically, we have to reach the point where we accept ourselves as we are and love ourselves for the unique and wonderful people that we are.
Monika: What role does love play in your life?
Alana: Love, a word with so many different meanings. To many, love means a relationship, and to some it means sex. I would love to be in a relationship with someone to do things with. Take trips together, go hiking together, go out to dinner, go to movies, or sit at home and watch a movie while sharing a big bowl of popcorn, cuddling under a blanket to keep warm, and falling asleep in each other’s arms. Cooking together and sharing housework chores would be much more fun than doing them alone. Laughing together, crying together, pulling each other up when we’re down. These things would be more important to me than sex, although that could partly change with that very special person. (smiles)
Monika: Beyond relationships, what does love mean to you on a deeper level?
Alana: What does love truly mean to me? This enters the spiritual side of me. It’s unconditional love that matters most. This is what I seek myself, to love everyone and everything unconditionally, including myself. To see beauty in everyone and everything, including myself.
Monika: Do you believe this kind of love has the power to change the world?
Alana: If all of the world could live with this kind of love for each other, how different it would be. I believe in the power of love. I believe that just a tiny bit of love can lead to huge changes for the better.
Monika: What new projects or creative endeavors are you focusing on these days?
Alana: Since publishing Dreamy Morning, I'm trying to focus on my own life for a while. But I am getting ideas for possibly another book someday. I am still writing poems and music and still attending support meetings, hoping to help others in some small way.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender girls who are struggling with gender dysphoria?
Alana: Accept yourself for the person you are. Be proud of who you are. The sooner you can put the denial behind you, the better. If at all possible, find a good, experienced transgender therapist. Opening up to a good therapist is one of the absolute best gifts you can give yourself.
Monika: How can they build a supportive environment and cultivate self-love during their journey?
Alana: Find a way to start transitioning now, or at least start making plans now. Don't put it off. The longer you put it off, the more of your true life you are giving up. This is the one thing I would do differently. I would have found a way, somehow, years ago. And when you look into that mirror, see the beautiful, wonderful person that you are inside. Don't allow yourself to see anything else. Smile, and say, “I love you.” Surround yourself with people who lift you up. You don't need those who bring you down. Sometimes we just have to let go of some people. Don't be afraid to do so; it is their loss. Love yourself. Always, always, love yourself.
Monika: Alana, thank you for the interview!
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Alana Joy.
© 2016 - Monika Kowalska
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