Interview with Aleks - Part 2

Monika: Do you often experiment with your makeup?

Aleks: Makeup is enjoyable and gives me more confidence. It does brighten up and feminize my face even more. However I’m very 50/50 when it comes to makeup. I love having a clean bare face and letting my skin breathe. Being an esthetician I’m all about skin health and anti-aging. Makeup often clogs pores and leads to breakouts. So if I can get away without it I try to.

When I do opt for makeup I start by using a hydrating cleanser and moisturizer by CeraVe. Maybe a serum of some type rather than vitamin C or hyaluronic acid. Then I’ll apply an SPF of 30-50.

Next I’ll apply bare minerals brighten serum foundation in the lite shade and Maybelline concealer. Then comes an eyeshadow, mascara, a rosy blush, and the finishing touch is lip gloss. Sometimes I’ll use a hydrating rose water setting spray and I’m good to go. Watching YouTube videos and my mother applying makeup helped teach me how as I went through my gender transition.

Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks?

Aleks: Personally I think anyone loves positive compliments or reinforcement. It builds up your confidence and makes you feel good. My answer is yes! However I really only dress or put makeup on for myself to feel better. I don’t go fishing for compliments. But if some come my way it’s always lovely. Like having a woman ask where I got my shoes or something makes me feel valid and a part of womanhood that I missed out on for the first two decades of my life.

"There’s nothing worse than having regrets in your life."

Monika: Do you remember your first job interview as a woman?

Aleks: Funny you mention that. Ironically I have my first job interview this week for an esthetician position. After I got out of the modeling world I decided to focus on my transition working closely with my therapist and many doctors. I wanted to feel a bit better physically and mentally, look more passable and have all my legal changes made before pursuing actual employment again.

Monika: What would you advise to all transwomen looking for employment?

Aleks: Find something you’re good at and enjoy doing is the key. Really that goes for anyone no matter who or what you are. It is true that there are more trans friendly jobs in certain industries. I also advise to try and have at least one or two legal changes updated to make the employment process easier. Of course as I am a trans woman myself I know that’s easier said than done depending on your geographic location.

Also the legal process could come with confusion and financial barriers. However it does make life easier. Please know that it takes all kinds to make the world go around. Think outside the box and get creative when thinking of what type of job you would enjoy or feel safe at. Never settle for a job where you feel discriminated against or unappreciated. Something better is always out there if you look hard enough.

Monika: Are you involved in the life of the local LGBTQ community?

Aleks: Not yet! I moved one year ago with my family during the pandemic. So my goal of getting involved at local LGBT centers, joining boards or meeting other trans people was made basically impossible. Now that normalcy is being restored I'm looking into ways of getting involved. Very excited to do that and continue sharing my unique story to help others.

Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?

Aleks: Yes! Of course. To me love is very important. Sure I have the love of my family. But I truly feel everyone needs that one special person. Basically their other half. I’m someone who doesn’t need or want a bunch of people. Often that leads to stress or drama which doesn’t interest me. Not my personality. Being trans can make dating, relationships and sex very difficult. All things I know cis people can struggle with too, just not usually to the extent of trans people.

"My next step is just finally getting my life
on track at 25."

Despite being a proud transgender woman I’ve always been attracted to girls. Growing up male I was emotionally, socially, physically and sexually attracted to females. and my gender transition did not change that. It is my goal to find an accepting girlfriend. Personally I’d love to find another trans girl to date. I’ve been trying and talking to a few that have become good friends. Maybe it’ll turn into more. To me a relationship should be built around honesty and similar interests. I desire a partner for love, support, and fun times. Also intimacy and someone to grow with and learn from.

Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?

Aleks: That has been an occasional thought of mine. But I’m more interested in blogging via Instagram and eventually YouTube. But it’s my goal to share my story even more to larger news outlets. With the hope of educating society on what being transgender truly means. and share my rare infertility story of how I was born and came into the role of being a trans woman.

Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?

Aleks: My next step is just finally getting my life on track at 25. My biggest goal is to complete my transition. I’ve been through three years of hormone replacement therapy, underwent one surgery, and made simple cosmetic and legal changes. Personally I desire two more surgeries and simple cosmetic treatments to fully make me feel happy, healthy, affirmed, comfortable and complete. Time will tell.

Where do I see myself in 5-7yrs? Oh dear. That’s hard to answer. Personally I’m trying to make the most of each day and live in the moment. Factoring in everything I’ve been through and that time is never promised, I can’t see that far ahead. Every new day is a blessing though. I’m grateful to be here and to have the support of my family and others on social media. Lastly, finding love is a goal. That’s something you can’t force though and is unpredictable.

"Take baby steps in transition and surround
yourself with understanding supportive people."

Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender women that are afraid of transition?

Aleks: Real simple! Know that we all only live one life. As I mentioned above, time is never promised. Life is so short and goes fast. One thing we never get back is time I’ve learned. Personally I didn’t think I’d live to 20 due to how much I was suffering and sick from all the medical and psychological aspects of gender dysphoria. Yet here I am at 25 luckily. It hasn’t been without obstacles but no regrets.

There’s nothing worse than having regrets in your life. Being your happy and authentic self plus feeling healthy and honest is so important. It drains your soul if you can’t do those thighs. Take baby steps in transition and surround yourself with understanding supportive people. Know you’re not alone. Look to others for advice. It makes things less scary. It’s hard but very rewarding.

Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?

Aleks: Yes, I absolutely agree with the above statement.

Monika: Aleks, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!

Aleks: Thank you so much for interviewing me. It was a pleasure.

All the photos: courtesy of Aleks.

© 2021 - Monika Kowalska