Monika: And documentaries?
Andie: Even documentaries about gender dysphoria are presented as if no one will watch unless there is sensation. Our media bête noir here is The Daily Mail newspaper, which seems to be obsessed with finding and treating trans life stories as exceptional and weird.
There is a real place for trans narratives to be portrayed in order to highlight what gender dysphoria is like to deal with, and how it is regarded in society. Too often it is taken up with sexualized portrayals of inadequacy because it’s more titillating.
There is a real place for trans narratives to be portrayed in order to highlight what gender dysphoria is like to deal with, and how it is regarded in society. Too often it is taken up with sexualized portrayals of inadequacy because it’s more titillating.
Monika: The transgender cause is usually manifested together with the other LGBT communities. Being the last letter in this abbreviation, is the transgender community able to promote its own cause within the LGBT group?
Andie: Yes and no. Sorry! The only thing the T has in common is that we are also in a minority that is loosely clumped together in a fuzzy zone characterized by sex. LGB is clearly sexuality, and transgender people have sexualities frequently overlapping with these. T itself is nothing to do with sexuality. LGB folks need each other to fulfill what they are. Trans people do not.
LGB people want to be where they are, securely and safely. Their cause is one of no change. Most of us move out of being trans when our transitions become history. For me, the whole point is that I identify as a woman, not primarily as transgendered or transsexual. Our cause is one of being allowed securely and safely to change.
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| Proud parent in pink, her son graduates; the last family photo, 2012. |
Monika: Is there anyone in the transgender society whose actions could be compared to what Harvey Milk was doing in the 60s and 70s for gay activism?
Andie: Again, I wonder in what sense we are a transgendered ‘society’ or ‘community’? Our identities don’t require us to meet each other. We have a clinical or physiological status in common, but not in our personalities or wider life objectives. Famous, prominent, or self-promoting transfigures can at once cheer for us and alienate us.
We are so diverse that a cheerleader for young trans people gets up the noses of the later-life folk and vice versa. Many prominent figures annoy me one way or another because they don’t represent me. I can speak for myself. I am active without being an activist, and I remember baulking at being called an activist in another period of campaigning on another issue altogether. I thought I was just being an outspoken concerned citizen! Harvey Milk didn’t set out to be an icon, and many icons only become that by being adopted.
There are key figures who are mainly remembered for living ordinary lives whilst pressing the case for better education and equal treatment. They are the ones behind the organizations like Press for Change, Trans Media Watch, GIRES, Mermaids, and so on. I am immensely grateful for the progress they have made through hard graft and persistent, honest dialogue.
Again, I think 100 trans people assertively refusing to be othered are more powerful in the long run than 100 people cheering on a big name. Seeing so many trans people in the top 100 Pink List is far more powerful than one big name at number 1, in terms of lasting impact, because they are diverse and represent a broader range of trans people.
So for me, there have been lots of good folk pushing in the right direction, but thankfully no over-dominant figureheads.
Again, I think 100 trans people assertively refusing to be othered are more powerful in the long run than 100 people cheering on a big name. Seeing so many trans people in the top 100 Pink List is far more powerful than one big name at number 1, in terms of lasting impact, because they are diverse and represent a broader range of trans people.
So for me, there have been lots of good folk pushing in the right direction, but thankfully no over-dominant figureheads.
Monika: Are you active in politics? Do you participate in any lobbying campaigns? Do you think transgender women can make a difference in politics?
Andie: No, I’m not. I’m not a very political animal. I’ll always sign a good petition, stand up for rights, be present at events, and write my fingers to the bone. Our voices have to be heard, but if it’s only ever seen as lobbying or activism, then we become exceptional people rather than included people. Transgendered people in public politics do make a difference though, and I’m always happy to be invited or speak.
Trans politicians are there because it’s what they do, not because they’re trans, and in the course of that, make it their concern to work for trans equality and awareness. The point is, transgendered people are in all walks of life and every profession. From these places, we need to demonstrate that we aren’t exceptional or strange, and deserve to be treated like anyone else.
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| Publishing Grrl Alex, her first author with Bramley Press, 2012. |
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Andie: Absolutely central. It is everything. I think it accounts for a substantial part of my musings on my blog. Coming to terms with being transgendered brought home very harshly that “love” is not always what you think it is.
It is, as far as I have experienced, heavily conditional. When all is well, you feel secure and mutually committed, but it can all disappear very suddenly. My interpretation of much of what we call “love” is that it is an expression of gratitude that the other makes us what we want to be. Iris Murdoch described genuine love as “the extremely difficult realization that something other than oneself is real.” I think I understand this now.
So I have been re-evaluating “love” for the last two years, to understand what I mean by it, how I use the concept and expression, and how honest I am as well. There are people I really do love, and instinctively I feel I have a great deal of it to offer. I have also had to come to understand the friendship of women, and that love can be a part of this without any reference to physical intimacy. My desire for physical intimacy, for being loved and wanted, to be touched, is very strong indeed, but it is now carried on an understanding that it doesn’t consume other parts of my life in compromise.
Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colors, or trends?
Andie: I like fashion, but at nearly 58 I have to be careful! I dress sensibly and appropriately for my age (I feel 10 years younger), on the smarter side for work, and nicely casual socially. It took me ages to wear trousers again, because of the “profile” (which gets easier on T-blockers!) and history. Mostly I wear skirts and err on the side of slight elegance. I shall love dancing in leggings after the op!
It took very little effort to discover my preferred palette of jade/teal/purple with their pastel counterparts, after a lifetime of dull blue and grey. If there’s one thing I do get right and enjoy, it’s co-ordination with accessories. In summary, I dress like women my age, though slightly more colorfully sometimes. I never went through the frilly/girly/miniskirt stage of “lost female adolescence”, because I just loved being an ordinary woman. Mind you, I have slapped my own wrist a few times when clothes-shopping!
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| Performing at Polari, Southbank, Royal Festival Hall, 2012. |
Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?
Andie: I am just a few months away from gender confirmation surgery. That is the final piece in my jigsaw. I’ve certainly tired of the years of having to prove to clinicians who will never really understand, that I really am a woman and just need help in adjusting everything.
Leaving all that behind, and being fully healed after surgery, I think I will just go on being ordinary but with even more confidence that no one can challenge me over it anymore. The next step, along with the surgery, is my gender recognition certificate, and then the last document: my birth certificate. Nothing left to do but be myself, play the music and dance - and see if there is any possibility of an intimate relationship again.
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender girls struggling with gender dysphoria?
Andie: Don’t! You will never win by resisting it. You are who you are and what you are, and this is your life, nobody else’s. No one else can be you, so get out there and be you. It’s what you’re here for. Nothing you lose will be a fraction of what you gain by living an authentic life. So don’t waste time.
Be safe, be sensible, get real support from genuine friends, and commit 100 percent to make the most of who you are. Don’t imitate anyone, find what’s right and comfortable for you, and be prepared to be different. In everything you do, be present as yourself. You don’t need to be abrasive to be authentic, accept that not everyone will like it, but that this is their choice to make, not yours to adapt to.
Monika: Andie, thank you for the interview!
END OF PART 2
All the photos: courtesy of Andie Davidson.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska
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