Monika: When you came out, did your mother embrace you as her daughter? And do you feel any connection to her in the way you look, carry yourself, or even in your style and mannerisms?
Avianna: My mother was beyond supportive; she was thrilled. She has told me that this has been like having another child, except without all the (satisfying) work of having to raise them. So, all the fun parts. For me, I get to have the mom-daughter experience, which has been as wonderful as my mother-son memories. Both she and I draw on the lessons and strength of her mother/my grandmother, may she rest in peace. I am taking her name, Constance, as my middle name. My father has also been wonderful. I thought it would be tough on him to adjust to the new me, but he and my stepmother have been there for me from the start.
Monika: Do you remember the first time you met a transgender woman in person? What was that experience like, and how did it make you feel?
Avianna: A couple of years ago, when I realized something was changing inside of me, I reached out to the only transgender woman I knew (we had first met as co-workers years earlier), and described what was happening to me. In her wisdom, she said three things to me that I’ll never forget. One, I am trans. Two, I am not alone. And three, I cannot do this alone. She became my mentor, a sort of transition sherpa who knew the path well enough to keep me from falling into any crevasses along the way. She knows I will always be indebted to her, and although I have now grown my own wings, we still remain in touch.
Monika: Many of us feel the pressure to “pass” as women, and even after surgeries, society keeps judging us. How do you personally deal with the outside world’s expectations?
Avianna: That is an interesting question. Even when we are in geographies and environments where society is more supportive of our community, as trans women many of us still feel this need to “pass”. I confess to this desire, and I think it comes from a need for daily affirmation that tells us we have traveled a long way on our journeys. I am a bit ashamed of this, as I know a woman’s beauty flows from within, and any ability I have shown to “pass” thus far has been due to that, and not the scalpel. I am scheduled for FFS in January, and wonder if I will look any different afterwards, or pretty much the same. I almost just want to get it over with so that I can know what my “final” look will be and learn to embrace it and embrace myself.
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| “A woman’s beauty flows from within.” |
The pressures from the outside world are regrettably much deeper and are rooted in society’s fear of differences. It’s the same bigotry that has always defined our species, only now there is a spotlight on the transgender community because we are a small voting bloc and therefore an easy political target and the latest scapegoat. We cannot win this fight alone given our small size. We need our allies to step up in the same way that we support them.
Monika: I remember the time right after my transition, it was pure euphoria. My closet is still full of dresses and shoes that I literally bought by the dozens back then, and I must have tried on hundreds. I felt like I had to make up for all those years that were taken from me. Did you feel the same way?
Avianna: I was a closeted cross-dresser for periods of time earlier in my life. The items I bought then do not reflect what I as a woman would wear on an everyday basis, and thus I gave away all my pre-transition clothes once I began living as Avianna. And in a wonderful little story that demands I laugh at myself, these clothes and shoes that I donated to a local LGBTQ+ center are serving as the wardrobe for a drag camp that’s about to launch. My legacy will be a group of young drag queens sashaying about in my 6-inch heels and sequined bodycon dresses!
Monika: Do you remember the first piece of clothing, pair of shoes or beauty product that made you think, “Oh, I really enjoy being able to do this now”?
Avianna: That piece was my first high-quality wig, which I bought at the start of my transition. Upon putting it on, I was transformed. For the first time, I saw a woman in the mirror looking back at me. Not a man attempting to become a woman, but a woman. Period. Second to that would be leggings, which are just more comfortable than anything I wore in my prior life. Clothing is a wonderful way to express ourselves. I use my daily outfit as an amplifier to express my mood or desires for a given day.
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“Clothing is a wonderful
way to express ourselves.” |
Monika: How would you describe your personal style? Do you follow any specific fashion trends, or do you have go-to outfits that make you feel confident?
Avianna: My style is certainly evolving, and I try to put a little extra effort into it, as a way of learning and developing my fashion sense. During the day I focus on well-fitted and color-coordinated pieces, and experiment with asymmetric tops and ruched designs. I have a rather busy social life, centered on the theatre or concert performance, and for those events I go with a sophisticated look and, once again, I experiment with hats, bold belts, and extra jewelry (bangles, arm jewelry, etc.). For the late-night bar and club scene, I go with sheer tops to stand out. That I want to stand out, instead of hide as I used to in my former life, is the biggest personality surprise for me.
Monika: Do you love playing around with makeup, or is it more of a “throw on the basics and go” kind of vibe for you?
Avianna: I haven’t had a professional makeover yet but intend to. My sister gave me a makeup lesson once I came out, and I must say it is my only look (although my range of colors has expanded). But I receive compliments about it, so if it ain’t broke…
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks? Do you find it easy to accept compliments, or do you struggle with believing them?
Avianna: It’s human nature to feel good about receiving a compliment, and I generally don’t experience impostor syndrome when someone offers me one. While I don’t know if I’ll ever be classically beautiful in the physical sense, I’ve noticed when people compliment my looks, the universal thread has been that I was smiling, which I do a lot now. In the same way that sadness creates a downward spiral reflected in our outer appearance, joy lifts us up and makes us appear more beautiful.
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“Joy lifts us up and makes us
appear more beautiful.” |
Monika: The image of flying with new wings suggests not only freedom but also a future full of possibilities. What are you looking forward to most in this next chapter of your life?
Avianna: I look forward to three categories of experiences. One, the basics. There are a lot of things we do in our daily lives and I still haven’t done all of them as Avianna…and guess what? Every one of them so far has been a better experience as the woman I now am, with the exception of having to make some dietary changes (goodbye, White Castle.) Second, relationships. I have begun dating and find the woman-to-woman experience beyond compare and adequate description, although double violin concertos come to mind. Third is purpose. My volunteering energies have been rechanneled, with my current and future focus being to work with members of the transgender community, in addressing the challenges they bravely face.
Monika: Avianna, thank you so much for sharing your story.
Avianna: Thank you, Monika. The experience has helped me to grow a bit more. Please keep doing what you are doing. We need to share our stories and our voices.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Avianna Raczko.
© 2026 - Monika Kowalska
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