Michelle Grace Herman emerges from the public record as someone who has turned a deeply personal journey into a life of movement, advocacy, education, and community building. A trans creator, entrepreneur, social worker, and activist, she has spent years documenting her transition and using her public voice to advocate for inclusion, equity, and empowerment. Her story has also taken an unexpected geographical turn. After years of LGBTQIA+ advocacy in the United States, Herman left the country in 2025, first moving to Phnom Penh and then to northern Thailand, and now lives in Bangkok, where she teaches English. She has written candidly about the emotional and political reasons behind that decision, including her feeling that she had reached a point where leaving was necessary for her physical and emotional well-being. In Cambodia, she described an experience of everyday dignity and safety that had become increasingly difficult for her to take for granted in the United States.
But there is more to this chapter than simply escaping somewhere else. Michelle has approached life abroad as an opportunity to learn, teach, travel, and reconsider what makes a place feel like home. Her writing about Thailand explores cultural ideas such as kreng jai, respect and consideration, and reflects her curiosity about the ways different societies understand community, individuality, and belonging. She has also been developing an identity around travel and cultural immersion through her Michelle Overseas project, while exploring teaching and work-exchange opportunities as part of her new life abroad. At the same time, her activism has not stopped at the border. Herman has been creating Bloom, a soon-to-launch digital mental health and wellness membership community for transgender and gender-diverse people. She has written about why trans-only communities can function as infrastructure for connection, safety, learning, and leadership. Her journey raises questions not only about transition, but also about what happens when someone who has spent years fighting for change decides she needs to build a life somewhere new. Those questions form a natural starting point for our conversation.
Monika: Michelle, welcome to The Heroines of My Life! I’m so happy to have you here. Your journey has taken you from activism and community work in the United States to a new chapter in Southeast Asia, so maybe we can start with something light. After all the places you have lived, worked, traveled, and explored, what is one thing you have discovered about yourself abroad that you might never have learned by staying home?
Michelle: Thank you for including me in your work here. I have been reading this blog for years, and I love it. Probably the main thing I have learned is that I am more resilient than I gave myself credit for. Going through a gender transition will certainly build your resilience! But navigating life in a foreign country, dealing with visas, work permits, transportation, and different medical systems is very challenging. Of course, I looked forward to new countries, different foods, and languages, but the daily grind can really get to you, especially as a solo traveler or expat. But through it all, I have realized I can build community even in places far from home. Home is wherever I am.
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| “Home is wherever I am.” |
Monika: Looking back at the years you have spent documenting your transition and advocating for LGBTQIA+ inclusion, which achievement feels the most personally meaningful to you, rather than simply the most visible?
Michelle: Simply being yourself as a trans person is a significant achievement, especially when facing government opposition, the loss of health care, and harassment. In fact, all trans people deserve medals! Personally, the accomplishment I value most is leading and managing a team of incredible people, this time as my authentic self. Although I led ministry and nonprofit organizations before I transitioned, experiencing the empathy, connection, and pride of being my true self in a leadership role has been deeply meaningful.
Monika: Your path has brought together social work, entrepreneurship, activism, content creation, and now teaching abroad. What connects all of these seemingly different chapters for you?
Michelle: The common thread has been helping people become freer, more confident, and able to shape their own lives. My journey has taught me that you don’t have to stay in the life you were handed. Through traveling and living abroad, I want to show people that it is never too late to reinvent yourself and create a life that truly fits who you have become.
Monika: After years of advocacy in the United States, what finally made you decide to build a life abroad? Did it feel less like an adventure and more like something you genuinely needed?
Michelle: It was both. After Trump was reelected, I knew I wanted to leave the country, at least for a period of time. I also wanted to travel, so I took the opportunity, got my TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) certification, and left. The first few months were more about adventure, new cultures, new everything. As I settled in a small town of 7,000 people in Northern Thailand to teach for a year, I realized how much I needed it. The slow pace of life, with no traffic and motorbike rides through the mountains, was healthy and healing for me.
Monika: Living abroad has introduced you to new cultures and ideas, including the Thai concept of kreng jai. What small everyday pleasures or rituals have become especially meaningful to you since leaving the United States?
Michelle: The combination of kreng jai, a Thai cultural value that emphasizes consideration for others, and Thailand’s Buddhist tradition, which promotes respect for everyone, leads to many rituals and celebrations. One of my favorites is one of the simplest. The Wai is a greeting gesture that involves bowing. It’s so uncomplicated, yet profound. You bow to everyone you greet each day. The person’s status determines how low you bow and how high your hands go. Monks receive the deepest bows, then people of authority and teachers, and then peers get the lightest bow. I love that immediate foundation of respect people give each other here, very different from the US.
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| “I can’t control what people think, but I can choose how much it affects me.” |
Monika: Choosing a name is such a deeply personal decision, one that can hold layers of significance and meaning. How did you come to choose your name? Does it carry a special resonance for you, perhaps representing a part of your journey or embodying a particular feeling or aspiration?
Michelle: As a child, I asked my mom what my name would have been if I were born a girl. She replied, “Michelle.” From that time, I knew what my real name was. Right before I transitioned, I played around with other names, but Michelle always felt right.
Monika: When you came out, did your mother embrace you as her daughter? And do you feel any connection to her in the way you look, carry yourself, or even in your style and mannerisms?
Michelle: For several years, I had little contact with my parents. My father’s narcissism and my mother’s constant support of him made communication difficult. After 49 years of marriage, my mother finally divorced him. When I began my transition, her main concern was my happiness, though she struggled to accept me as a woman and her daughter. We went through a period of misgendering and deadnaming. A year and a half into my transition, I had facial feminization surgery. During my recovery, my mother stayed with me for a week. That time together changed everything; we talked openly, and she began to understand why I needed to transition. Since then, our relationship has grown much closer.
Monika: Do you remember the first time you met a transgender woman in person? What was that experience like, and how did it make you feel?
Michelle: Yes, I do. Years before my transition, I connected with a trans woman on Twitter who lived nearby. After we got to know each other, we met in person. I asked her many questions and learned about her transition experience. What stayed with me most was realizing that transitioning was possible and that I could pursue it in the future.
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| “These days, I try to live as myself.” |
Monika: Many of us feel the pressure to “pass” as women, and even after surgeries, society keeps judging us. How do you personally deal with the outside world’s expectations?
Michelle: I’ve spent so much time worrying about how others see me, and truthfully, I still wrestle with it sometimes. That pressure is exhausting. Transitioning is helping me to separate my sense of self from what other people expect or want to see. I’ve had surgeries, but I’ve realized no operation will ever make everyone accept me; people’s expectations always shift.
These days, I try to live as myself, instead of chasing someone else’s idea of what a woman should be. I can’t control what people think, but I can choose how much it affects me. More than anything, I hope I’m remembered for my kindness, what I stand for, and how I’ve shown up in the world, not for how closely I fit someone else’s idea of womanhood.
Monika: I remember the time right after my transition. It was pure euphoria. My closet is still full of dresses and shoes that I literally bought by the dozens back then, and I must have tried on hundreds. I felt like I had to make up for all those years that were taken from me. Did you feel the same way?
Michelle: Yes! I started my transition a few months before the COVID lockdowns. I had to rely on online shopping to figure out sizes and styles. I remember going kinda crazy buying shoes. I loved them so much: heels, sandals, loafers, etc. Then… my feet shrank due to estrogen! I ended up giving about 10 pairs of shoes to my brother’s girlfriend! Now I still have a good amount of shoes, especially as an expat, but I love them! And I agree; it definitely felt like I was making up for lost years.
Monika: How would you describe your personal style? Do you follow any specific fashion trends, or do you have go-to outfits that make you feel confident?
Michelle: My style has definitely simplified since traveling. As a teacher, I have to wear certain types of clothing and colors. When I left the US, I got rid of dresses, jumpers, overalls, jeans, and more revealing tops. I gave a carload of clothes to the University of Arizona LGBTQIA+ Center. I miss a lot of those clothes! Now my go-to outfit to explore Bangkok is cut-off shorts and a sleeveless tank top.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks? Do you find it easy to accept compliments, or do you struggle with believing them?
Michelle: I do. I think most of us enjoy being told we look good, and I’m no exception. I’ve had this innate desire to be pretty since I was young. It is incredibly affirming when someone says I’m attractive or that they like my hair or eyelashes, etc. But I also value being recognized for my character, my work, and the person I am beyond my appearance. It feels good to be seen as beautiful, but it feels even better to be seen as a person who cares and is kind.
Monika: Did you ever feel pressure to meet a certain ideal of femininity, like I did by trying to look like the women around me?
Michelle: Definitely. When I began my transition, I felt pressure to measure myself against other women and wondered whether I was feminine enough to be accepted. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing there’s a particular way a woman should look, dress, or behave. I’ve come to understand that womanhood isn’t a competition, and femininity can take many forms. My journey has been about discovering what being a woman means to me, rather than trying to fit someone else’s ideal.
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| “Womanhood isn’t a competition.” |
Monika: For a lot of trans girls, loneliness can become a part of life. Did you ever feel that, or were you lucky enough to avoid it?
Michelle: One of the biggest things I was looking forward to before the transition was female friendships. I saw that living as a man (and a married man) limited my ability to connect with some women I really liked and wanted to be closer to. I have had the amazing privilege of finding a group of women I truly love and connect with as a woman. I had to give up my proximity to them when I left the US, but we still remain in contact. One of them has become the best friend I have ever had, and we talk very regularly. I miss them so much. I’ve also built good friendships with other international teachers I have worked with here in Thailand. However, I deeply miss my friends in Arizona, and that sense of loss contributes to the loneliness I experience as a trans woman living abroad.
Monika: Many trans women are writing their memoirs these days. Have you ever thought about writing your own book, and if so, what would its central message be?
Michelle: I have, but so many people have done it better than I could. Shout out to my good friend, Nia Chiaramonte. However, I have blogged a lot and keep all my social media accounts public, so people can access them. I was the only trans and gay person 99% of my friends knew before my transition. Most of them want no contact with me, but I do see their names pop up occasionally when they look at my posts and other writings. I spent 52 years hiding, and I never want to hide again. If I wrote a book, it would be about the art of living authentically and the lessons the trans community can teach the rest of the world.
END OF PART 1
All photos: courtesy of Michelle Grace Herman.
© 2026 - Monika Kowalska
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