Monika: Being outed is always a difficult situation.
Babs: I knew my employees would see the picture as they read that paper every morning. I came in late that next morning and no one said anything, but I knew I had to be proactive and called my managers and assistants into my office when business slowed down early in the afternoon. I explained the situation that I was transgender, a woman, I had been living a dual life for many years, my late wife knew, I haven’t shaved for several years from the electrolysis, etc, etc.
They were concerned that because most of our customers were tradesmen, they might not understand and we would lose their business if I started showing up very fem. I allayed their fears and those of my daughter who worked in the business. I reminded them that I had been making small changes over the years and no one really knew and that I would just continue to make gradual changes but perhaps just a little faster. I would eventually appear as one of our female tradespeople in dress, rather than one of the decorators in high heels.
Monika: What role does love play in your life, and how has it influenced your journey?
Babs: I was married and shared my life for 34 years with Carol, an incredible woman. Love makes all the difference, love, and hard work as in any marriage... just a bit more challenging. We shared much of my early transition, so much of my basic education as a woman. She was extremely supportive although she would have much preferred that we be a “normal” male-female couple.
It was the love and strength of our relationship that made it possible ... and being the type of “positive” person who could make lemonade out of a lemon.
After she passed away, I had a small group of friends that pushed me to continue to be active socially and politically. At one of the Imperial Court events, (Carol and I were both Princesses), I met a woman for whom there was immediate chemistry. I was not ready emotionally for anything serious and she was in a caregiving relationship with a long-term partner, but we respected our situations and our friendship and love grew to a real relationship. We’re together now.
Babs: I knew my employees would see the picture as they read that paper every morning. I came in late that next morning and no one said anything, but I knew I had to be proactive and called my managers and assistants into my office when business slowed down early in the afternoon. I explained the situation that I was transgender, a woman, I had been living a dual life for many years, my late wife knew, I haven’t shaved for several years from the electrolysis, etc, etc.
They were concerned that because most of our customers were tradesmen, they might not understand and we would lose their business if I started showing up very fem. I allayed their fears and those of my daughter who worked in the business. I reminded them that I had been making small changes over the years and no one really knew and that I would just continue to make gradual changes but perhaps just a little faster. I would eventually appear as one of our female tradespeople in dress, rather than one of the decorators in high heels.
Monika: What role does love play in your life, and how has it influenced your journey?
Babs: I was married and shared my life for 34 years with Carol, an incredible woman. Love makes all the difference, love, and hard work as in any marriage... just a bit more challenging. We shared much of my early transition, so much of my basic education as a woman. She was extremely supportive although she would have much preferred that we be a “normal” male-female couple.
It was the love and strength of our relationship that made it possible ... and being the type of “positive” person who could make lemonade out of a lemon.
After she passed away, I had a small group of friends that pushed me to continue to be active socially and politically. At one of the Imperial Court events, (Carol and I were both Princesses), I met a woman for whom there was immediate chemistry. I was not ready emotionally for anything serious and she was in a caregiving relationship with a long-term partner, but we respected our situations and our friendship and love grew to a real relationship. We’re together now.
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| Barbara Siperstein Biography (YouTube) |
Monika: I've noticed that many transgender women share their stories through memoirs. Have you ever considered writing a book to tell your own journey?
Babs: I suppose I’ve thought about writing a book. I suppose I’ve done things and looked back in amazement that I had the guts to those things, the many trips we took together, the close calls of being outed, but you do what you feel you must after taking calculated risks and you reap the rewards. There was much that I had to prove to myself that I could do as a woman and without using the advantages and privileges of my old male self.
I was devastated when my wife passed, but serendipitously I met a woman several months later when I least expected and gradually developed a relationship. We have been together for over 10 years. I suppose I’ve been “Twice Blessed”.
Monika: You have three grandchildren. Do you spoil them?
Babs: I try. My two older grandchildren will be coming up here for a week this summer. They will surely keep me busy, but I can’t wait to spend quality time with them. They are 11 and 13 and growing up fast.
Monika: Would you say that you are a happy woman now?
Babs: Yes, I feel I am able to do something positive, create change, hopefully, help create that societal “respect”, have a partner, a loving family. I can’t afford the new Aston Martin, but I can’t complain, either.
Monika: Babs, thank you for the interview!
All the photos: courtesy of Babs Siperstein.
© 2013 - Monika Kowalska
Baps Siperstein has passed to the other side. May she find the happiness and love she gave to others. Thank you for all you have done. Rest in Peace.
3 Feb 2019
Babs Siperstein: A Legacy of Courage and Change
On a crisp November day in 1942, in the heart of Jersey City, New Jersey, a child was born into the Siperstein family. Her parents, Morris and Mildred, named her Barbra, though for much of her life, the world would know her by a different name. Growing up in a working-class neighborhood, Babs was keenly aware from an early age that she was different, though it would take decades before she found the words, and the courage, to fully embrace her truth.
Babs attended Rutgers University, where she earned her bachelor's degree before continuing her studies at Pace University, completing a master’s in public accounting. A sharp mind with a knack for business, she joined her family’s company, Siperstein Fords Paint Corporation, where fate introduced her to Carol Slonk. Carol had joined as an administrative assistant, but soon, she became much more. The two fell in love, married, and built a life together, raising three children, Jana, Jeffrey, and Jared.
Through the years, Babs wrestled with a deeply personal struggle. For much of her life, she denied to herself that she was transgender, suppressing the truth out of fear and uncertainty. But in the late 1980s, she could no longer ignore it. She came out to Carol, unsure of how her wife would react. Instead of rejection, she found love and unwavering support. Carol encouraged her to explore and embrace her identity, and together they created the name Casbar, a fusion of Carol’s initials and Babs’s name. With Carol’s encouragement, Babs began taking small but significant steps toward living openly as the woman she had always been.
Despite her progress, she remained private about her identity. That changed around the year 2000 when a local newspaper outed her. Rather than retreating, she stepped into the light. If the world was going to know Babs Siperstein as a transgender woman, she would make sure they also knew her as a fighter.
In 2001, tragedy struck. Carol, the love of her life, passed away. Grief threatened to consume her, but instead, she channeled it into something greater, activism. She turned her loss into a force for change, dedicating herself to the fight for transgender rights.
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DNC Member Babs Siperstein at DNC Pride 2010 (YouTube) |
Babs became a driving force in political activism, advocating for marriage equality, workplace protections, and stronger anti-discrimination laws. She played a pivotal role in ensuring gender identity was included in New Jersey’s hate crime and discrimination laws, working closely with organizations like the New Jersey Stonewall Democrats, Garden State Equality, and the Democratic National Committee (DNC) Eastern Caucus.
In 2009, she made history. Babs Siperstein became the first openly transgender member of the Democratic National Committee, appointed by then-chairman Tim Kaine. In the years that followed, she took on even greater responsibilities, serving on the DNC’s Executive Committee and as a superdelegate for Hillary Clinton at the 2016 Democratic National Convention. She fought tirelessly to ensure that transgender voices were heard at the highest levels of government.
Her advocacy extended beyond politics. She was a writer, contributing to The Huffington Post, and a leader, serving as Vice President of Garden State Equality and Political Director of the Gender Rights Advocacy Association of New Jersey.
Babs’s impact was undeniable, but in early 2019, her journey came to an end. She passed away on February 3rd, surrounded by the legacy she had built, one of courage, resilience, and unwavering dedication to justice. In tribute, New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy ordered flags to be lowered to half-staff.
Later that year, her name was enshrined among the greatest LGBTQ+ pioneers, trailblazers, and heroes on the National LGBTQ Wall of Honor at the Stonewall National Monument. It was a fitting recognition for a woman who had spent her life making history.
Babs Siperstein’s story is one of transformation, not just her own, but the transformation of a world that she helped make more just, more inclusive, and more accepting. And though she is gone, her legacy endures in every transgender person who dares to live authentically and in every advocate who carries the torch of equality forward.
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