Monika: It is irritating, I know.
Basilia: It came to the point that I ended up telling them, “You all need to go f*** yourselves because I’m going to be my own person!” “Don’t get pissed off at us, we’re just trying to help you be a lady!” they would say. “Help me? F***! You guys are driving me up the wall! Don’t do this! Don’t do that! That’s too masculine! F***! You’re just dictating to me, so you can feel good about yourself, that’s what it seems like to me! I noticed you all giggling behind my back! I don’t need your help! Most of all, I don’t need fake friends!” I sarcastically said.
Well, they stopped being my friend real quick! It was the best thing they ever did. I would rather meet and befriend prosperous people, without dealing with catty remarks! I said the same thing to my relatives as well! The ones that were trying to clown me every chance they got. I’m sorry, please excuse my French, I learned that from my sister!
My relatives learned to show respect after I got on their case! You see, these types of people are the type that pretend to love you, but seek to destroy you. In other words, they talk all friendly with you, then talk behind your back. Not realizing that they can put a transgender individual in a dangerous and life-threatening situation like it’s some kind of a joke!
My goodness, Monika! This interview and the questions you ask has motivated me to get back to writing again, to pick up where I left off on my second manuscript called, “Secret tear – Stage of Transition!” Thank you so very much for helping me get my GROOVE BACK!
Monika: I would be very happy to see your second book.
How do you get on with other truck drivers? Being a good-looking lady helps or they are still surprised by the fact that a woman can drive a big truck?
Basilia: As far as getting along with other drivers, I get along quite well, but of course, you're going to run into jerks, like any other job. As you know, this part of the logistics industry is dominated by the male species per se, as far as being a truck driver.
To be successful as a driver, you must enjoy driving, no questions asked! There are some advantages to being a solo professional truck driver; it can be an ideal job for any transgender person that enjoys driving. It provides the opportunity and the privacy needed to transition productively.
As far as being a good-looking lady (thank you for the compliment if you're referring to me) it does help in a way or just being a woman in this industry. Times have changed in this industry, there are more husband and wife team drivers coming on board! Women and transwomen are also starting to become company truck drivers, lease drivers, and owner operators as well!
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| With my Trans-Sister Angela Burgess. |
Basilia: When I started 15 years ago, I was stunned when I stopped at truck stops or rest areas because of 'lot lizards aka hookers/prostitutes that would knock on the drivers' doors! There was a great deal of drama going on back then. Like witnessing a driver chasing a prostitute because she took his wallet, and prostitutes walking around the parking lot half naked.
Some female drivers had to be careful, including myself, because police officers might mistake us for prostitutes. But now it's more decent due to more women becoming drivers. Yes! They were surprised at first, but that isn't the case nowadays!
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks?
Basilia: Well, of course, Monika, who doesn’t enjoy being complimented on our looks, even if they lie about it. I usually reply by saying, “It’s alright, you don’t have to lie!” Then I pause for a moment, and say, “Just kidding, Lie to me! Lie to me!” Truth be told, it humbles me.
Monika: Do you remember your first job interview as a woman?
Basilia: I surely remember my first job interview as Basilia Loren! It was a disaster I must say. Not because I was clocked or anything like that. It was because I let my fingernails grow. They had me take a typing test, two typing tests to be exact. I failed badly! My typing speed was no faster than 25 words per minute on both tests. I even asked one of the office workers if they had a pair of fingernail clippers before I was about to take my second typing test. I was so disappointed!
Monika: When I transitioned at work, my male co-workers treated me in a way as if the transition lowered my IQ. Do you think it happens because we are women or because we are transgender? Or both?
Basilia: Oh my! I reckon it’s because of their male ‘MACHISMO’ or ‘MALE CHAUVINISM’ mentality. I use that word because I have Latina blood in me, in other words, in Latin American culture, machismo is a social behavior pattern in which the Latino male exhibits an overbearing attitude to anyone in a position he perceives as inferior to his, demanding complete subservience. No matter if you are a woman or transgender because to them you are a weak individual. That type of mentality in men is a challenge to tame, and a pain in the ass to deal with, but being a strong, confident woman or transgender person, you must keep your ground in order to put them in their place so to speak.
When I was an administrator for United Insurance Company of America, I had to deal with 21 of those types of men, but I handled them quite well by being assertive! They mistook me for a bitch, and there’s nothing wrong with that! Being a bitch is the last thing we as women, transgender or not, must hang on to, in order to survive this so-called man's world, if they push us to that point! But again, most men are not that way! But, I hope I answered your question, as you know, it’s just my opinion/reckoning on this question.
Monika: So what would you advise to all transwomen looking for employment?
Basilia: Be confident, dress accordingly, and be yourselves! Most of all, always have a pair of fingernail clippers available if a typing test is required for the position that you will be applying for!
Monika: Are you involved in the life of the local LGBTQ community?
Basilia: Not recently due to being a professional truck driver, this is why I use the media platform, it’s my means of activism. I mentioned earlier I was exposed or introduced rather to the LGBTQ+ community in 2003. I surely wish I could have been involved with the Transgender community years sooner. As I have been told quite often, I’m the type of person that jumps in the water before testing it per se.
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| Me and our Trans-Sisters posing for the camera during the Salt Lake City, Utah, LGBTQ+ Pride Festival. |
In 2004, I became a member of the NTAC (National Transgender Advocacy Coalition) led by Vanessa Edwards-Foster and Ethan St. Pierre (2002 – 2006) as a Lobbyist and Activist protecting the Civil Rights of Transgender and Gender Variant people. I participated and helped carry the Transgender banner that lead the very first ever Trans March on June 25, 2004, organized in Dolores Park, followed by a march to Civic Center located in San Francisco, California. Soon as I retire I seriously want and need to become active as far as my activism is concerned involving our LGBTQ + community.
I know I’m quite rusty when it comes to public speaking and being involved, but my attention is to getting in contact with other activists and public speakers to bring me up-to-date and most of all to school me accordingly. Our LGBTQ+ community must fight more than ever especially nowadays. I’m outraged and extremely troubled, heartbroken, hurt, and very much concerned about our brothers and sisters in our community, because of the vicious acts of bigotry and hatred, especially towards our transgender youth and now adults are being targeted along with other communities due to governments selfish political gain. This is what I mean when I said that I’ll know when it’s the right time to enlighten ‘mainstream society without anger’ and to fulfill my promise. But, I can’t do it alone!
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Basilia: Oh, my! Excellent question Monika. I’m the last person you should be asking that question to. After three marriages that ended up in divorce, I wouldn’t know how to honestly answer that question!
I’m not including my gay marriage that I didn’t take seriously knowing this marriage wasn’t legal. It was far from being legal in the late 70s. This happened when I was experiencing the gay life or gay society rather, that my best friend, Richard at the time, introduced me to. I was desperately looking for information, on how I can start my journey towards becoming my true self. So, I decided to go through that avenue. I want to be clear, I knew I was a transsexual, not gay (not saying there is anything wrong with it!) and I didn’t want anyone to know, even Richard. Because I was brainwashed that being a transsexual was admitted that you were a freak, and must be kept silent! But, I got tangled up with lovers, and that is what led me to this marriage.)
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| (L to R) Basilia Loren, Lobbyist and Activist. Together with Vanessa Edwards-Foster and Gwendolyn Ann Smith. |
But, my first marriage to Louis Gonzales wasn’t legal, it was considered a gay marriage because I was still a pre-op while married and divorced. But, in eyes of mainstream society, and the US government, it was legal! I still have to show my marriage certificate and divorce decree in order to get my driver’s license in the state of Georgia just recently. Thank goodness I kept and found them. I broke a barrier there, didn’t I? (Giggling) I must say, I enjoy being single!
Monika: Do you keep in touch with your ex-husbands?
Basilia: Good question! The only one I chose to keep in touch with is my childhood crush, Louis Gonzales. The others, “NO!” I keep my distance (say with a smile!).
Monika: Have you ever thought about being a mother, or adopting a child?
Basilia: Oh my goodness, good question!
To be truthful with you, I always said to myself, 'Why am I going to bring a child into this world, knowing how bad this world is getting!' Besides, I knew I was a transsexual, so I didn’t want to get myself into a troubling situation. But, later in life, after my surgery and being married, I started to consider asking my husband if we should adopt. You know, feeling complete, having a family. But again, I knew I wouldn’t make a good mother, because babies and kids make me nervous!
Monika: Really?
Basilia: I’m the type that would have to lock myself in a closet somewhere or snap! I guess it’s because I started taking care of my siblings' kids when I turned six years old. (So, when someone would ask if I wanted kids. I would say, “Honey, if I had kids, I’ll tell them to go play on the freeway! Or, if a stranger wants to give you candy, take it and jump in their car and tell them to go to the store and get more!” I would be joking of course. First, they would laugh, then they would take umbrage.
I can recall speaking to my Boss at work because she adopted a couple of kids. I told her my husband and I might want to adopt. She gave me a stern look and said, “DON’T DO IT!” “What? Don’t do it?” I meekly replied. She says, “You won’t be adopting a child, you’ll be adopting an expense that you will be paying for the rest of your life! So, if you’re asking me for my advice, don’t do it!” I was stunned, but it made sense. So, I decided not to have kids, mainly because I knew I wouldn’t be a good parent.
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| Before my divorce and getting my maiden name aka chosen name back after 36 years. |
Basilia: I can answer that short and sweet, well kinda! We are all different and we transition differently. Our journeys differ from one another per se! But it’s you, only you as an individual, that can make that difficult decision! If you do decide it’s the right time to take the journey, please take this journey without a doubt! Because being your true self is not a game, it is who you are, it’s your true self! But remember, if you feel a little doubt, it’s not that you’re doubting your true self, it just might be that you’re doubting your inner strength, questioning if you are strong enough to endure and overpower all obstacles that come with the territory!
To me, having reassignment surgery is just icing on the cake, it doesn’t define your true nature! We have brothers and sisters who are perfectly happy while living their true-self as non-op trans people! Always remember, It’s your life, it’s your journey! This is when you will need your transgender brothers and sisters the most!
Monika: My pen-friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Basilia: To answer your question, yes I agree to a certain extent. It’s up to the individual trans-person to accomplish their goals before or after leaving the operating table! We only live in this world once in life, it’s up to us as an individual to live to our full potential, that said, follow your heart and execute your dreams by making your impossible tasks possible!
Monika: Basilia, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
Basilia: Thank you, Monika! This interview surely has been a pleasure and an experience as well, since I don’t often get interviewed.
END OF PART 3
All the photos: courtesy of Basilia Loren.
© 2023 - Monika Kowalska
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| Available via Amazon |
Society will use the phrase, "It's human nature" as an excuse for any wrong doings towards anyone who has an identity crisis. But, is it human nature or just an evil act of malice behavior depending on the person? My opinion is goodness in people hearts are being de-sanitized by the strength of evil only if allowed. Be "real" to yourself by being yourself. Having faith will carry you through the challenges of life.
Remember, "An anger mind is the devil's workshop". I always say, "Great people who represent good may pay the ultimate price on earth. But, the Lord's reward is life everlasting spirit in heaven".
-Silia Loren-
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