Interview with Erica E. Ravenwood - Part 2

Monika: After facing so much trauma in school, how did you manage to keep going during those years? 

Erica: No one said boo to me at the new high school, but by that time I was so paranoid and traumatized it didn’t matter. I couldn’t do it, and I left that school after a week as well. They put me in a continuation school that was supposed to be for the “bad” kids, but it turned out we were just all stoners. I didn’t do anything academically for the remainder of my time there, and it was never expected of any of us by the “teachers,” but it was a much-needed social experience for me. I made a small group of very close, core friends, and it seemed our mission in life was to stay as stoned as possible. It was during this period that I met my future wife. Despite everything, it was the first time I felt a sense of belonging, even if it came from the most unexpected place. 

Monika: Who inspired you the most during your journey, did you look up to any transgender figures or public voices along the way? 

Erica: My first transgender role model was Bugs Bunny. At this point in my life, I wouldn’t say I have role models, but I have many friends. The support and shared experiences of those friends have meant far more to me than any public figure ever could. 

Monika: When you began to open up about your identity, what part of that process proved the most emotionally challenging for you?

Erica: Coming out, honestly, has been a bit-by-bit journey for me. I came out to my wife but didn’t have the vocabulary or presence of mind to really explain what I was feeling, and she sort of settled into the idea that I was a cross-dresser, just hoping that I was straight. She confided in me, just very recently, that she had seen a Jerry Springer episode way back when, and they had some cross-dressers on who all said they were straight but just liked to wear women’s clothes. It gave her some peace of mind that that was true for me, though I was rarely allowed to dress. Looking back, I realize how hard it was to navigate that time without the language to express my truth clearly.

Monika: Looking back, what led to the end of your marriage, and how did it influence your journey toward self-discovery?

Erica: We separated, in large part, looking back on it now, because I just couldn’t perform with her anymore in the marital sense. There were some hard moments, but we always managed to be close. After I moved out, it was a slow process of self-awareness and trying to figure out what the heck was going on with me. I still had never heard the word transgender and had never been on a computer.

When I got my first true place of my own, I was able to dress “openly,” even if it was just in my house with every window covered for safety. It was during that period I also found my sexuality and had my first, and so far only, boyfriend. So that’s when I came out as gay. (Though identifying as female, I consider myself straight. But that’s a whole perception conversation for another time.)

In pink and green.

I had one last ill-fated relationship with a woman after my boyfriend and I broke up after a year. (We were engaged, too. I still wear the ring, but on my right hand.) But even though we probably should never have gotten together, that relationship did save my children for a time when I was too messed up to care for them myself (and I thank her for that), and it was also the first time I got on the internet. That was 2004, and I found a TG chat room.

Well, that’s what it took. I now knew both my sexuality and my gender identity (or at the very least could put a name to it). At the end of 2006 is when I jumped in the truck and drove to California. The rest is pre-read history, except for a second coming out to my family, which again was hard. They knew much, but not all the details. It was a time of painful endings, but also of beginnings that helped me reclaim my truth.

Monika: How do you see the current challenges and progress for transgender women in the United States today?

Erica: There’s still a lot of fear among the majority of transgender people and an extreme lack of education for both them and the general public. It’s my mission in life to help educate both groups, even if that means one person at a time. I believe real change begins with open dialogue, and I try to lead by example whenever I can.

Monika: In recent years, more transgender women have come out publicly, and some have even achieved celebrity status, like Lana Wachowski in film, Jenna Talackova in modeling, Kate Bornstein in academia, Laura Jane Grace in music, and Candis Cayne in acting. Do you feel there’s been a noticeable shift in visibility and representation?

Erica: Perhaps that is true, but I’ve also noticed a trend of people coming to their realization at a much younger age than was true in the past. The Internet has done tremendous things, both bad and good. It’s up to those of us who know better to help set right that which is bad. Greater visibility is powerful, but it also means we have a greater responsibility to support younger generations through the noise.

Monika: While some transgender women are entering political spaces and advocating for change, many remain hesitant. Have you ever considered getting involved in activism or lobbying efforts? Do you believe trans women can bring meaningful change to the political landscape?

Erica: That’s a tricky question for me. I would call myself a gentle activist with a mission. I’m very involved in a certain chat room I mentioned before (the link, by the way, is on the header of my channel, plug plug, nudge nudge), and I’m an administrator there as well as the chairperson for a two-hour forum called Sunday Brunch that is held every week.

It may sound bad, but I don’t watch the news, and most of what I learn politically I hear from a very good friend of mine who stays on top of everything. I don’t have to watch because she keeps me up to date on so many things, as well as other people who send me things they think are important or may be of interest. I would love to get more involved and am being asked slowly, just as you had asked me to do this interview, which you were so kind to do. I believe even small, community-level involvement can spark change when it comes from a place of sincerity and care.

 

"Transgender: My Personal Transition -
On the Road to Transition" (YouTube)

 

Monika: Has fashion played a role in your self-expression during transition? What styles or pieces make you feel most like yourself, and do you have any favorite designers or go-to looks?

Erica: Well, hmm, I do prefer clothes to walking around naked. At this early stage of my transition, and it being winter, I pretty much layer and cover my body. I do love the clothes from Holy Clothing and have some nice pieces. Very often that’s what I wore in California.

I would say I like a Boho style. Long, loose, flowy, and comfortable, but I’m also very much a jeans-and-a-top kind of girl. At 6'1", heels is a four-letter word to me, and I prefer to wear flats. If style and comfort come into conflict, comfort will always win out. That said, I’m slowly becoming more adventurous with colors and accessories as my confidence grows.

Monika: Beauty pageants, especially those created for transgender women, can spark both celebration and controversy. Do they interest you at all, or do you see them differently?

Erica: I really don’t pay attention to them, but then I don’t pay attention to any beauty pageant, to be honest. They’ve just never been my thing, though I respect anyone who finds empowerment or joy through them.
Monika: Do you engage with your local LGBTQ+ community, or have opportunities for that been limited where you live?

Erica: LOL. As far as I know, I am the local LGBT community. I know there are many gay people in my town, but as far as I’m aware, I’m the only openly transgender person. I did recently get a roommate who was in a bad situation and not able to be herself, and I invited her to live with me in a safe environment. She’s not at the point right now where she feels comfortable going out, though I know she’ll get there. But again, here in town and the surrounding community, as I become better known, I’m more than willing to educate or be a shoulder to lean on. I’m willing to do any and all that I can. Even in a small town, visibility can be a powerful tool for change.

Monika: What advice would you give to transgender women who are hesitant to transition due to fear of discrimination, rejection, or violence?

Erica: Wow, that’s kind of a tricky question as well. Here in the United States, there are safe places and not-so-safe places, usually depending on the level of religious fervor in the area. I guess the best opinion I could give is to start with a therapist. Some will say you have to see a gender therapist, but a good therapist is trained to listen and will learn from the experience if you’re open and honest with them. But I stress the word “good.” If you’re scared, I believe you really need to get a handle on that before going out into the big, bad world if you hope to have any confidence in doing so. Also, know that living with GID often creates additional issues beyond gender identity that should be discussed with your therapist.

Having a support base is crucial, even if that has to start with people you meet online. Being alone with your thoughts when dealing with dysphoria is a killer. But buyer beware of people you meet online that you want to meet in real life, a piece of advice I’m often told I have to follow myself by the people who love me. And remember, taking small steps is still progress; you don’t have to have it all figured out overnight.

Many faces of Erica.

Monika: What goals are you currently focused on, and where do you hope your journey will take you in the next five to seven years?

Erica: Well, unfortunately, I have what they call the “transgender curse.” In addition to that, I have a psychological condition that keeps me, for the most part, in a high state of mania, and unless my mind is constantly engaged, I start to hallucinate in a way and have conversations with people who aren’t there. That usually means people I know, and it’s innocent enough, but very annoying and, at times, embarrassing. That’s why the videos have been so good for me as a hobby. I learn new things all the time and can have several different programs working at once.

Since I got out of the hospital, I’ve made 46 videos, written, illustrated, and published a children’s book, written three others, and started a novel that I’ve given myself a target completion date of July 31st. I just plan to keep going and let God lead me where He wants to lead. Hopefully, I can do a little good along the way. I also hope to connect with more people who might find strength or comfort in the work I share.

Monika: Would you say that you are a happy woman now?

Erica: I can honestly say I am very happy. And thank you, this has been wonderful. I’m learning to appreciate the small joys in life every day, which makes all the difference.

Monika: Erica, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!

   

Back to PART 1

 

All the photos: courtesy of Erica E. Ravenwood.

© 2014 - Monika Kowalska