Monika: Transgender representation in mainstream media has come a long way, but still often sparks debate. How do you feel about the way trans characters and stories have been portrayed in film, literature, and journalism so far?
Faye: They’re pretty much all incredibly awful. Sense8 is an exception, but most of the time, I go into the situation expecting it to be awful. They’re almost always written by a cis person, who casts cisgender actors in trans roles and relies on tired, harmful tropes. The data from the 90s, if I’m recalling correctly, showed that 60 percent of trans characters on TV were portrayed as hookers or sex workers. I’m not sure of the exact number, but it was the majority. For a really long time, we could only exist as victims, sex workers, or disguised villains. Julia Serano writes a lot about that, and it really opened my eyes to how culture has historically viewed what it means to be trans.
Monika: What, in your view, makes for more authentic and respectful trans representation in media?
Faye: Basically, I look at whether any trans person was actually involved in the production. If they weren’t, then I expect a shitshow. That’s not to say a cisgender person can’t write a trans experience accurately, I think someone who’s been married to a trans person for years might have a great perspective. But right now, what we mostly see are incredibly superficial storylines, cheap jokes, and a clear attempt to cash in on what they think is “trending.”
Monika: Transgender women are often underrepresented in politics and policy-making. In your view, how can we play a stronger role in shaping public life and decision-making?
Faye: I absolutely think we can! I haven’t lobbied per se, but I work in education across sectors like healthcare, business, government, outreach, and schools. I help give individuals the tools and understanding to accurately represent our community. I was part of the anti-discrimination efforts, and I’m currently working to improve school climates in my state.
Monika: Some people believe that activism is only for those with degrees, funding, or institutional power. What would you say to someone who wants to make a difference but feels powerless?
Faye: What I’d tell other people is that you don’t need money or a degree to make a change. I don’t have either. What I have is a passion for justice and a will to make sure others have it better than I did. What I do isn’t much more than organizing data, calling people, and having conversations. I connect with people who do make a change and make my voice heard. I interview people who know the things I don’t, and I use their voices to help make the changes we need.
Monika: It sounds like you’ve created your own toolkit for advocacy. Where do you think that drive and resourcefulness come from?
Faye: I’ve always been self-educated and curious, I’ve always loved reading and collecting resources and data. I’ve also spent my entire life writing. These give me an advantage and a privilege in the work that I do, especially as a community activist and educator. But you don’t need much to make a change. It can be calling your district rep. It can mean speaking at a town hall. It could mean making a few calls or asking some friends to vote a certain way. I’m a firm believer that the small actions of many will outweigh the big actions of a few.
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| Being Social at our Pride Center. |
Monika: Do you believe we’ll live to see a time when a transgender woman could realistically become President of the United States, or perhaps even the First Lady?
Faye: I won’t say it’s impossible, but the odds approach zero. I think more importantly, if there were ever a serious nominee who was transgender, or a partner of someone running, it would indicate an incredibly different and more accepting world. I think in that situation, we’ve already won something priceless and amazing. So, if we get to a point where that is even a remote chance, I think we’d have already won. Won what? A future where our labels don’t hold us back from our dreams.
Monika: Let’s talk about something a little lighter, what’s your relationship with fashion like? Do you have a particular style or favorite way to express yourself through clothing?
Faye: I grew up in extreme poverty, which has influenced my taste in clothing. When growing up, I wore clothes until I grew out of them. I didn’t get fancy things, I got what was cheapest at a clothing donation area or hand-me-downs. In this regard, I always see clothes as utilitarian. I wear what I find is comfortable, and that tends to be used t-shirts and jeans. That said, I like the way green looks on me.
Monika: Some say that just as birth control helped liberate cisgender women by giving them more control over their bodies and futures, transgender women are finding freedom today through access to gender-affirming surgeries. Do you think medical advances like these truly liberate us?
Faye: That’s a tough question to answer because I don’t agree with the premise. I’m not sure cisgender women are liberated, because we still see the government trying to control reproduction or outright attack women’s bodies. I also don’t think trans people are free due to surgery, because most of us can’t afford it, and there is little to be done about being 6’2" for passability.
Monika: Do you think gender-affirming surgery has brought us closer to living more authentically, even if it isn’t accessible to everyone?
Faye: While not cosmetic, top and bottom surgery has allowed trans people to finally have the body their brain understands. We now have a way to relieve dysphoria that never existed before. We’ve never been closer to our authentic selves, or the possibility of becoming them, than we are right now.
Monika: What would you say to those who see passing as the ultimate goal of transition?
Faye: What I’ll say is that passing shouldn’t be the goal, we should aim for a world where women’s bodies aren’t shamed. I have a tremendous amount of passing privilege because hormones and genetics gave me a body that nobody mistakes as male. Before hormones though, I always feared I’d never be accepted or respected as anything other than a man in a dress. Even today, even after my development, I still feel shame for my body. I feel shame that it isn’t beautiful like the women in magazines. I feel shame that it isn’t female like those assigned female at birth. I feel deep regret that I’m infertile, because I never really got to decide whether I could have children.
But it’s the small moments where I catch myself smiling and think, I’m beautiful. It’s the times where I forget my body and laugh and play with friends as just Faye. It’s when my significant other is holding me, looking at me with love, and telling me that they love me. As women, it’s hard not to focus on our bodies and place a negative lens over them by comparing ourselves to perfection. But when we transition, we do more than change our bodies, we are allowed to express and be understood as ourselves.
Monika: Beauty pageants for transgender women often spark debate, some see them as empowering, others as objectifying. What’s your take on transgender-only pageants?
Faye: Transgender-only beauty pageant? I’m not sure I have many opinions here. I think it can be empowering, but it can also be objectifying, it depends on who’s hosting it and why. I think just allowing trans women within the scope of our currently running women-specific pageants would be fine.
Monika: Many trans women turn to memoir as a way of telling their stories and affirming their identity. Have you ever thought about writing one yourself?
Faye: I’ve considered it, but never very seriously. I’m not sure I’ve done enough for people to really care about my journey or memoirs yet. I am a writer though, and maybe I’ll do something in the next few years. :)
Monika: You strike me as someone who deeply values connection. What role does love play in your life?
Faye: I’m a romantic at heart and love is always a big part of what I do. I’m supported by my two girlfriends in a poly relationship. If they weren’t there for me, if they didn’t provide a safe home for me to go back to and be loved in, I would instantly burn out. Aside from that, I love the work that I do and the impact it can have on people, because I didn’t have it growing up. I’ll always remember the look on a child’s face when I explained what gender was to a group of LGBTQ+ youth, and their faces lit up because they finally had a way to describe what they were feeling.
Monika: That’s beautiful. And what about your creative or activist work, are you involved in any exciting projects right now?
Faye: My big project right now is the GSA project, which aims to create a resource for students in North Dakota to use to help construct a GSA in our state. It also has plans to create strategies to make these groups more appealing to administrators. Aside from that, I’m always writing articles for a local independent newspaper and providing mentoring every Saturday. On the horizon, I’m working with a nurse to create healthcare-focused transgender cultural competency training. Then, next year, I’m hoping to apply for a continuing education grant to have the opportunity to go to college.
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| Gender identity Vid via YouTube. |
Monika: Many transgender girls face overwhelming struggles with gender dysphoria, often unsure where to begin or whether there’s even hope. What would you say to someone in that place, feeling lost and afraid of what lies ahead?
Faye: That you have a future. The quote I say is that “You can be trans and happy.” Because more than anything, when I was a struggling trans girl, I was afraid of my future. I was afraid that I wouldn’t pass, that people would see me as a joke, that I couldn’t get medication, that I wasn’t really trans, and every other terrifying possibility.
Monika: When everything feels uncertain and hopeless, how do you hold on to the belief that things can improve?
Faye: Despite all of those fears, despite being completely hopeless for several years of my life, I now find myself in a place where I can say I’m happy. I’ve had some lucky breaks, but the message isn’t that it’ll magically work out for everyone, because when you’re struggling, you’re not going to believe that. The message is that even if you feel like there’s no hope or future, I came from that same place and found something great. Even in despair, there is still hope and the possibility of something more.
Monika: How can trans girls begin to understand and navigate their gender dysphoria on a personal level?
Faye: The only thing we can do is keep taking steps closer to ourselves. It isn’t an obvious journey, we don’t always move forward, but we always discover something new. Start with pronouns and see which ones make you happy to hear. Think about your partners: how do you want them to see and treat you? When you have sex, what does your body want to do? If you choose to take hormones, how do you respond to them? Does the idea of your body changing bring comfort? These questions all lead you closer to your infinitely complex self.
Monika: Many girls also struggle with anxiety around passing. How can they cope with that pressure?
Faye: In terms of passing anxiety, I can say it gets better every day, but nothing is more important than being comfortable in your own body. A lot of trans women have said they started getting gendered correctly, not because of what they did, but after they stopped giving a fuck about what other people thought. When they just went about their lives, natural and comfortable in their own bodies, that’s what others saw.
Monika: And finally, what role does support play in getting through these experiences?
Faye: Taking a step back, it’s incredibly important to have support through everything I’ve mentioned. Having at least one friend who can see you for who you really are. Even if you can’t find someone in person, there are a plethora of people online who can be that person and talk to you about what you’re going through. If I didn’t have my mentor, I know I wouldn’t be here now, filling out these questions!
Monika: A pen friend of mine, Gina Grahame, once told me that we shouldn’t limit our potential because of how we were born, or by what we see other transgender people doing. She said, “Our dreams shouldn’t end on an operating table, that’s where they begin.” Do you agree with this idea of limitless potential?
Faye: I’d agree with the first part, but not the second. We are not limited in our potential because of how we were born, but we are given a more difficult journey than most. We have to be wary and cautious as we go through life, we have to contend with discrimination in public accommodations, housing, and employment. We have to be knowledgeable about the fact that people will violate our bodies and end our stories. That most places designed to help the marginalized actively reject or harm us. And that most of us don’t even have access to gender confirmation surgery.
Monika: What do you think makes transgender people resilient, even when the systems around them often fail?
Faye: We have to start our lives by figuring ourselves out. Despite everyone putting us in one box, we know we don’t belong there, and we have to discover and proclaim our truth. In this struggle, I see people who are self-aware and empowered. I see people who, despite everything, go out every day and make something of themselves. I see people find happiness and strive toward their dreams, even as the world tries to push them down.
Monika: If dreams don’t begin or end in surgery, where do they really start for a transgender person?
Faye: Our dreams are constructed brick by brick to create a road from the life we have to the life we want. It is hope that lets us fight in this world, and passion that gives us the drive to continue that fight. It doesn’t end or begin on an operating table. It starts the moment we begin to understand the totality of ourselves, whether it be our authentic gender, the people we want to spend our lives with, the kind of person we are, what makes us laugh or cry, or the things we want to leave behind. There is no end to the journey inside ourselves, and there is no limit to our potential to dream and grow throughout it.
Monika: Faye, thank you for the interview!
Faye: Thank you for hosting this incredibly beautiful and prolific project. It is an honor to be considered for it!
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Faye Seidler.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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