Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a transgender woman on TV or met anyone transgender in person?
Hanne: OK this is complicated. In the excellent documentary, "Disclosure" trans representation in the media is discussed at length. I am a child of the 70s, so trans women were either dead hookers or a joke and sometimes both. Looking back, the first image of a trans body I saw on screen was in the film, "The Crying Game" and even though the actor isn't trans, we see for the first time to my knowledge, full-frontal nudity of a trans female woman. The revelation of this disclosure is well known, she is first beaten, and then her ´boyfriend´throws up.
Positive imagery didn't arrive until very recently, Jamie Clayton in Sense8 or Michelle Handleman's excellent, "Irma Vep, The Last Breath" that featured Zackary Drucker and also Mother Flawless Sabrina (who made 'The Queen' a documentary on drag pageants) and of course Laverne Cox. I didn't meet a trans woman until I came to Mexico City in 2017.
Monika: Are there any transgender role models that you follow or followed?
Hanne: Yes, absolutely. I realised in an instant that I am trans when I came across photos of the model, Andreja Pejic online. Julia Serano is very important to me and her book, "Whipping Girl" was extremely informative and became a handbook of sorts at the very beginning of my transition along with Susan Stryker's "Transgender History".
I became aware of Greer Lankton and her work is an influence on me as an artist. Another important role model for me is Natalie Wynn, better known as YouTuber, "ContraPoints" whose high production video essays are always well thought through almost Platonic dialogues, sometimes featuring her in various personae and stereotypes discussing issues related to politics, culture, and trans issues.
Sophie, the electronic musician who sadly died, continues to inspire through the music she left behind. I would be remiss not to mention Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera who fought for trans rights before we had the language to express it and Candy Darling who left behind a body of work that is impressive and inspiring. At the moment I am following Mexican trans women such as; musicians Zemmoa and Luisa Almaguer, Victoria Volkova, and the visual artist Sofia Moreno.
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| "I would say my style is sophisticated punk with a hint of 90s Margiela." |
Monika: You have said that you are a punk girl. What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colors, or trends?
Hanne: Yes, I am proper GenX. I buy all my clothes from street markets here in Mexico City. I would say my style is sophisticated punk with a hint of 90s Margiela. I wear a lot of black but I learnt in New York how to wear it. You can't just put on black clothes and expect to look cool, you have to know how to wear it with attitude otherwise your clothes will wear you and nobody wants that!
I like to look pretty and I put some effort into what I wear and how I wear it. For example, I own no sports or so-called 'athleisure' stuff, I always 'dress' even to stay in. I believe in style and taste rather than fashion, particularly these days where fashion has become a confusing grab-bag of whatever you can get kids in the so-called third world to cobble together. My inspiration comes from Vivienne Westwood, Alexander McQueen, Ann Demeulemeester, Matty Bovan, Dilara Fındıkoğlu, and of course Martin Margiela.
Monika: Do you often experiment with your makeup?
Hanne: Sometimes, when I can be bothered. I used to wear make-up everyday before the pandemic but with half of my face covered I can't see the point. I dated a girl at the very beginning of lockdown and she convinced me I didn't need to wear it. If I am 'going for a look' I will tie in the make-up. That's not to say I don't love it, I do. I am particularly into eye shadow and love a long-lasting lip colour.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks?
Hanne: Well it all depends on who's doing the complimenting doesn't it? Generally though I am flattered when people notice my looks and I am very happy when the compliments come from beautiful girls.
Monika: Are you involved in the life of the local LGBTQ+ community?
Hanne: Yes, to a certain extent. I have taken part in trans events, I have shown my work in exhibitions as an artist who is trans and I have marched in Pride and Women's Day demonstrations. I would like to do more but being a white foreign national is a barrier to this and I have not always been made to feel welcome.
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| "I am a true English romantic and so love is very important to me." |
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Hanne: Oh god Monika, really, love? I am a true English romantic and so love is very important to me. My search for love has been a tale and a half consisting of many unhappy endings, rape, physical and emotional abuse. In Merida, Yucatan they have a saying, 'lo busco, lo busco y no lo busco' which of course makes no bloody sense but still seems to sum up an adult life looking for 'the one'. I love my friends, chocolate, and champagne.
Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
Hanne: As a writer, I am capable I suppose, but no, it has not crossed my mind to write an autobiography. Part of the reason for this is I feel I have not done anything that would warrant it. Were I to achieve anything in my life I may consider it, but for now I would have to say I have nothing significant to add to the body of literature surrounding the experience of being trans.
Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?
Hanne: These are uncertain times and my life has become so chaotic that I stopped making plans a long time ago.
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender women that are afraid of transition?
Hanne: Find people who are trans to talk to about their experiences online or for real. I felt it necessary to get HRT and medical care as soon as I was able. I found a new name for myself and started using it before HRT but I didn't socially transition for several months after.
Everyone is different and has circumstances that often prevent transition from beginning but I would say that it is inevitable once you realise you are trans. It's never too late and you will be surprised how much better you feel about yourself once you make the decision to transition. I think as hard as being trans can be it is much harder to repress those feelings once they have become apparent to you and you won't ever regret taking the first step.
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| "Whether you rush to surgery or change your wardrobe, the power to express yourself is in your hands." |
Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Hanne: I have come to the realization that I was always female. I just happened to be born with a dick. This has meant me spending the majority of my life living in a male role for which I was completely unsuited. It is unfortunate that gender is 'decided' at birth when the reality is that nobody can tell just by looking at a newborn. For me, therefore, the transition has not meant moving from one gender to another but rather correcting a case of mistaken identity registered by medical professionals in 1971.
On social media, I am now bombarded with beautiful transwomen, and more power to them. I am on my own path and the way I feel about myself and my body is constantly evolving. Whether you rush to surgery or change your wardrobe, the power to express yourself is in your hands. There are lots of pressures to conform to society but really, being queer is an opportunity to express that which is uniquely your own and an escape from the groupthink of the polluted flock.
Monika: Hanne, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
Hanne: No, thank you! The pleasure has been mine. Thank you for the thoughtful and sensitive questions and for giving me an opportunity to give my views on such interesting topics.
END OF PART 2
All the photos: courtesy of Hanne Carrington Reay.
© 2022 - Monika Kowalska
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