Monika: Going through your own transition, did you have transgender role models you looked up to along the way?
Jenna: Wow. Yes. When I first gained access to the internet in the late 90s, I was looking for people like me. There were many I would find who seemed to project an authentic sense of self I was seeking. Nearby me, in the Washington DC area, I remember seeing or meeting folks like Christina Kahrl (currently a member of the Baseball Writers Association of America and a sportswriter for ESPN, and a recent GLAAD board member), and women like Brooke Poley (a three-time Emmy® Award winning lighting designer, director, and photographer) who I befriended through the local TGEA galas. I had a very close friend with whom I moderated a support group, Mara Drummond (a highly successful software engineer who wrote the current air traffic control software in use today), who showed me how to transition with dignity.
Monika: What did you learn from those women that stayed with you throughout your own journey?
Jenna: One can never underestimate the value of mentoring and holding oneself to a higher standard, to be an example of the power we collectively possess.
Monika: What did you learn from those women that stayed with you throughout your own journey?
Jenna: There are countless others, like Dr. Danielle Crossley (the first public school principal in New York State to transition, and subsequently be fired for it), who I met while she lived in Baltimore, or folks like Lana Moore from Ohio (who I met in Atlanta at a Southern Comfort Conference), who is now a board member of GLAAD doing incredible work. Each of those strong women has been a godsend, and I would be all day listing all of them. I am extremely blessed for the path they’ve blazed and for showing me how to carry myself.
Monika: Looking back, what was the hardest part of coming out for you?
Jenna: Being the last to know. Seriously, the hardest thing about coming out was the fear of rejection from my children. I would lay my own life down for them, so anything that might trouble them in any way, I sought to avoid. Today, I have a much deeper relationship with all three of them because I’m at true peace inside. They sense that, and we all benefit.
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| Local empowerment rally in front of the Supreme Court. |
Monika: What role does love play in your life these days?
Jenna: For many years I was conditioned by society to believe I was sick, demented, perverse, or even a freak. Under such conditions, one cannot love themselves, let alone even consider loving anyone else. In such a state, I drank excessively and even found stopping my alcohol and drug consumption impossible with my own willpower.
Monika: How did your understanding of love change when you began to heal and find a different path?
Jenna: When I did get help, I found what true, absolute love was. It means having a deep faith in a God of my understanding, who solves all of my problems. It means seeking selfless, honest, forgiving, and faithful solutions to any of my relationships. Love is not an emotion; it is a state of being which can only exist for me when I work to expel selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and fearful notions and beliefs.
Monika: How do you try to put that understanding of love into practice in your relationships with other people?
Jenna: I believe the greatest expression of love one human being can offer another is to pray for that other person to receive all the health, serenity, peace of mind, well-being, and joy one would want for themselves or their own family. That’s a true love of one’s fellow. I do this for people I’m bothered by, and in time, I grow to love them. I’ll never be perfect at that, but love comes through seeking. So, yeah, it’s important to me!
Monika: Do you have a passion for fashion? What does your everyday style look like, and are there any designers, colors, or trends you gravitate toward?
Jenna: Yeah! When I was younger, slimmer, and could fit into all of those fashionable clothes, I would really go for it. I’ve always had an eye for classic simplicity in what I wore. Any of the dozen or so friends who have known me for nearly as many years know that about me.
Today, as a full-time university student, I have a different take on fashion. Comfort has become paramount, but I stick to the classics: v-neck knit sweaters, fashion scarves, stylish denim, and my secret footwear are a series of Skecher Go-Walks (brown and black suede dress up any pair of jeans). I leave the couture for my dear friend Brielle Echo Whitney, of the Brooklyn Whitneys. Her stash of exquisite fashion is legendary in sixteen states and several countries.
Monika: Plenty of transgender women eventually write their memoirs. Has that idea ever crossed your mind?
Jenna: I’m still writing my story, that is to say, I’m still living life. I would rather help others in the process of writing their stories too, through living it to the fullest. I think the memoir is overrated unless it serves as a guide to others in self-fulfillment. If I live a good life, I’ll have a good eulogy. That’s good enough for me.
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| In “Transgender Transition” (2012) via YouTube. |
Monika: What comes next for you, and where do you picture yourself five to seven years from now?
Jenna: Well, in five to seven years, I hope the money doesn’t run out before I finish law school! LOL. Seriously, I live my day, as all of my days, one at a time, that’s how the good Lord serves them up to me. I make plans, but don’t plan on results, life happens, and plans change.
However, I hold a sincere belief that any work in the area of eradicating poverty through self-improvement, greater access to services, improved transit options, or even urban renewal and sustainability projects, set out to share the love of one person for another, is worthy of my consideration and energy. I have no idea what God has in store for me. I’m willing to be patient and follow His lead.
Monika: Would you describe yourself as a happy woman today?
Jenna: No, I’m not happy. I am blessed, fulfilled, and full of gratitude. Happiness is a temporary byproduct of a favorable situation. I believe I have been afforded something greater, and I want to help foster that in others.
Monika: Jenna, thank you so much for sharing your story and your time with me.
Jenna: Thank you, Monika!
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Jenna Fischetti.
© 2013 - Monika Kowalska
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