My guest today is Anni Arbour, an award-winning, bestselling author and journalist based in Ann Arbor, Michigan. She
studied at both Eastern Michigan University and the University of Michigan and is a member of the Trans Journalists
Association. She writes for Pride Source Media, where her work covers transgender issues, politics, history, popular
culture and the lives of transgender people in Michigan and beyond. Anni is also the author of Trans Ascending, a
publication dedicated to stories of transgender people who have overcome prejudice, succeeded in hostile
environments and become inspirations to others. Through her writing, she has explored the lives of transgender
pioneers and historical figures, as well as transgender representation in comics, film and popular culture. Writing
and art have been important parts of Anni's life since childhood. She has written that, while growing up, she was
drawn to reading, writing and art and dreamed of becoming an artist. Her mother supported those ambitions and
recognised that her child was different, while Anni also experienced criticism from other members of her family for
her preference for what she describes as softer pursuits rather than traditionally masculine activities. Anni's
mother died when Anni was a teenager after a long illness with lung cancer. Anni was her main caregiver, and after
her mother's death she remained at home, helped care for her younger sister and endured a difficult relationship
with her older brothers. She later married, became a parent, divorced and raised her child alone.
Throughout those years, Anni continued to suppress her gender identity. In her own words, she knew from an early age
that she wanted to be among the girls at school, but she lived according to the expectations of her family and
society. She has described her eventual recognition of herself as a woman as a gradual process rather than the
result of a single defining event. Today, Anni is openly living as a woman and has also become active in creating
connections within the transgender community. She moderates the Reddit community MI_Transgender_Friend, which was
created to help transgender people find friendship and community. Her own writing has also addressed the importance
of connection with other transgender people, as well as the loneliness that can accompany a life spent feeling
different and misunderstood. Alongside her personal writing, Anni continues to report on issues affecting
transgender people in the United States. Her articles have examined topics including transgender rights, political
attacks on the community, transgender athletes, activism, representation and the experiences of transgender people
in Michigan.
Monika: Anni, welcome to The Heroines of My Life. I am delighted to have you here and to talk about your life and
your journey as a transgender woman.
Anni: Thank you, Monika! Happy to be here.
Monika: You have spent years researching and telling other people's stories. So let me turn the tables on you for
a moment: what is one thing about Anni that you could never have discovered by researching her?
Anni: Hmm. Tough question. There are many aspects of my life that I keep private. As a trans person, we are always
targets for transphobes who will hate on us for no apparent reason. I try not to expose myself to their harassment
by keeping identifying crumbs about me hidden.
|
| "My mom was an angel on Earth." |
Monika: You have written about being drawn to the world of girls from an early age. Looking back, what was it that
attracted you most to their world? Was it friendship, the way girls expressed themselves or simply a feeling that
you somehow belonged there?
Anni: It's because I AM a girl! I can't recall ever feeling entirely comfortable with the masc expectations put upon
me. I really don't blame my parents for that, as they were working from societal concepts, from what they had always
been told. But inside, I ached to be able to be with the other girls. Having two older brothers, both of whom played
sports and served in the military, I was never allowed to express my femininity. To do so was anathema to the people
and the world around me.
Monika: Your mother appears to have been an important influence on your childhood, particularly in encouraging
your interest in art and writing. What kind of woman was she, and what do you think she understood about you that
perhaps other people did not?
Anni: My mom was an angel on Earth. She was incredibly well-read and passed the passion for books and reading on
down to her children. She was patient in an often difficult situation, balancing the wants and needs of my
dominating father with the tenderness and needs of her children. Early on in my life, my parents learned from
doctors that I wasn't "normal," in that I had ADHD and a very high IQ. My mom took that information, and while she
didn't treat me differently from my siblings on a day-to-day basis, she also encouraged and nurtured my artistic and
literary pursuits.
And although we never openly discussed it, she knew I wasn't cast in the same male mold as my brothers. She was
adamant that I wouldn't follow their paths in life, in the military and mainstream jobs. She wanted me to go to art
school and get away from the family so I could achieve my life's goals without the condescending discouragement of
my dad and my siblings. She had my "escape" planned as I entered my teens, but sadly, she contracted lung cancer and
died when I was 16 years old. That left me totally under the thumb of my dad and stifled any aspirations I had for
many years.
Monika: Do you feel any connection to your mother in the way you look, carry yourself, or even in your style and
mannerisms?
Anni: Yes! With my long hair and while wearing makeup, I look uncannily like her, much more so than either of my
older brothers or my younger sister does. I am also much gentler than them, even my sister. Again, more like my mom
than my dad, who came from a poor immigrant family, was an ex-Marine, very conservative, and someone who had no
tolerance for softness, especially by his sons.
Monika: Your mother died when you were still young, after a long illness. You have written about being closely
involved in caring for her. How did losing her affect you, and do you think her absence influenced the person you
eventually became?
Anni: She was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was 14. Over the next two years, as my dad was working long hours
and my older brothers were rarely home, I became her default caretaker. As a result, we spent many hours talking
about everything: life lessons, her hopes for me, for the rest of my family and for the world in general. As she
became weaker, I also was the one who would carry her around the house, even to the bathroom, which humiliated her.
Her death devastated all of us, but I took it hardest. Not only had I lost my mother, she was my best friend, my
confidant and my only ally. With her gone, I was totally lost. My femininity had to be even more suppressed as I was
now entirely immersed in a testosterone-infused world. It took me decades to escape that hell, but I finally did,
and if it's possible that she is watching me now, she has to be happy how my life turned out.
Monika: Do you ever find yourself wondering what your mother would think of the woman you are today? If you could
have one conversation with her now, what would you most want to tell her?
Anni: I would immediately thank her for being the one and only person who believed in me when I was young. She knew
I had certain talents that needed to be expressed. And she knew I wasn't a boy. She never said that to me openly,
but she knew. If she had lived, I like to think that she would be very happy that I finally found happiness when I
transitioned. She was far ahead of other people of her time, from the so-called Greatest Generation. She was a
progressive long before it was popular to be one.
|
|
"Comics were my way of creating a utopian
world of my own making on paper." |
Monika: You dreamed of becoming a comic-book artist when you were young. What was it about comics that captivated
you so much? Was it the art, the characters, the freedom of imagination, or perhaps the possibility of creating
people who could become whoever you wanted them to be?
Anni: All of the above. Ironically, I had an interest in mythology before I found comics. It was my mom who noticed
a pattern in that. She once told me that I was drawn to beings endowed with super abilities, and she was right.
Again, she was very insightful and thoughtful. Comics were my way of creating a utopian world of my own making on
paper. I still love them, and it heartens me to see the mainstream popularity they enjoy now via movies and other
media, as opposed to the derision they received when I was young.
Monika: You were inspired by artists such as Will Eisner and Steve Ditko. What did those creators mean to you when
you were growing up?
Anni: Both were incredibly creative, original thinkers and artists. Eisner was at the very beginning of the American
comics industry in the 1930s. His innovations and character creations set the industry standard, everything from the
way the comic pages are drawn to the concept of comic books as graphic novels. A truly brilliant man, who I got to
meet one time and tell him how much his work meant to me.
Ditko was an entirely different type of artist. While he admittedly was inspired by Eisner's work, he took that
inspiration and created a unique style of his own. He is best known as the co-creator of Spider-Man and is credited
with giving him the anti-heroic, man-on-the-street persona that made the character so original. He was
uncompromising in his Ayn Randian view of the world, but while I didn't share that view with him, I always admired
how he adhered to his vision his entire career.
Monika: You eventually moved from drawing comics toward writing and journalism. Was that a gradual change, or was
there a particular moment when you realised that words could become your artistic medium?
Anni: Actually, it was my passion for comics that led to my professional writing career. I am what is called a
comics historian, and I started writing about aspects of that history online back in the very early 2000s.
Eventually, I became noticed by some publishers who asked me to write articles for their magazines on the subject.
And from that, I was asked by even larger book publishers to write on anything I wished. That culminated in a book
that won the Will Eisner Award, the highest honour given out in the comic book industry. But I've left all of that
behind now, as I ONLY write about trans people and subjects. It is my way of giving something to my community by way
of my talents. And I love it!
Monika: Choosing a name is such a deeply personal decision, one that can hold layers of significance and meaning.
How did you come to choose your name Anni? Does it carry a special resonance for you, perhaps representing a part
of your journey or embodying a particular feeling or aspiration?
Anni: LOL! Actually, it was a name chosen out of necessity, on the spur of the moment. I was asked what name I
wanted to use when I began writing for Pride Source Media, and since I live in Ann Arbor, Michigan, I came up with
"Anni Arbour." I'm happy I did. It has a flippant, playful tone to it and reflects my personality as well as my love
of the town I live in. Besides, it's easy for people to remember.
|
|
"I dress and look the way
that makes me feel comfortable." |
Monika: Do you remember the first time you met a transgender woman in person? What was that experience like, and
how did it make you feel?
Anni: Hmm. Good question. I'd have to say that long before I ever met an openly trans person, I knew of them via the
attention given to Christine Jorgensen. Then, with the rise of trans rights in the 1970s, when I was young, I became
aware of more of them. The movie "Dog Day Afternoon" was based around a robbery committed by the boyfriend of a
trans person, Liz Eden, and there was Dr. Renée Richards, the transgender tennis player. So I was already familiar
when I met the boyfriend of a family member who was going through their transition from assigned-male-at-birth to a
woman. They were brutally received by my family, but I secretly admired them and cheered them on.
Monika: Before you transitioned, you had already built a life that included marriage, parenthood and a career. Did
you ever reach a point when you looked at that life and realised that, despite everything you had accomplished,
something fundamental was still missing?
Anni: I always knew what was missing. My true identity as a woman. Even though I was fully invested in the life I
had carved out for myself as a man, inwardly I was dying. It took a long time to take the huge step of coming out
and making my gender affirmation. But it also relieved me of my greatest burden. I've never been happier than I am
now because of my transition.
Monika: Was there a particular person, experience, book, film or encounter that finally made it possible for you
to seriously consider living as a woman?
Anni: I have to say that certain rock stars, particularly David Bowie and Freddie Mercury, were real-life
inspirations for me. I often looked and dressed like them, which was shocking in the blue-collar suburb of Detroit
where I grew up. My father and brothers continually insulted and denigrated me for dressing that way, but it was my
only outlet for expressing my femininity within the context of the world I lived in. It resulted in an androgynous
look that attracted both men and women to me.
Monika: I remember the time right after my transition, it was pure euphoria. My closet is still full of dresses
and shoes that I literally bought by the dozens back then, and I must have tried on hundreds. I felt like I had to
make up for all those years that were taken from me. Did you feel the same way?
Anni: Yep! I have tons of clothes bought after my transition, many that I haven't even worn yet. But I love buying
them, and I'm so elated to be doing so after only admiring them from afar in my earlier years.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks? Do you find it easy to accept compliments, or do
you struggle with believing them?
Anni: It depends. When it's a trans person complimenting me, I take it as an affirmation of my feminine self. But
often, when it's a cis man, I get creepy, chaser vibes, because I know to many of them, I am just a fetish, a living
embodiment of their porn fantasies. For that reason, I have an aversion to dating cis men.
Monika: Did you ever feel pressure to meet a certain ideal of femininity, like I did by trying to look like the
women around me?
Anni: I try to look the way I always wished I could look when I was trapped as a man. I tend to lean goth in my
dress, perhaps a bit unexpected given my age (late 50s), but it's the style I love and was denied being able to wear
when it first became popular in the 1980s. I'm fortunate that I have naturally fine features, so I don't have to do
much to be read as a woman. And honestly, it doesn't really matter to me what anybody else thinks anyway. I dress
and look the way that makes me feel comfortable. Period.
Monika: Many of us feel the pressure to "pass" as women, and even after surgeries, society keeps judging us. How
do you personally deal with the outside world's expectations?
Anni: As I said above, I really don't care what anybody thinks about how I look. I've never been misgendered to my
face, so I must "pass" most societal expectations of how I should look. But I truly don't care.
END OF PART 1
All photos: courtesy of Anni Arbour.
© 2026 - Monika Kowalska
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