Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks?
Juliana: Getting complimented is definitely new for me. I do enjoy it, and it took some time to get used to it. I was convinced in the beginning people were just being nice. But with time, I saw the things they were talking about. I get a lot of compliments on my eyes and my smile, and of course, those compliments make my eyes and smile even wider, and with that comes a bit of that euphoria we're all looking for. I never really believed it until I started doing it, but smiling does make you feel better, so yes, compliment away!
Monika: Do you remember your first job interview as a woman?
Juliana: I was invited to WomenHack, a women in technology speed dating sort of interview event in 2018. I had my own business, but I wanted the experience of meeting and interviewing as me. After more than 10 years of interviewing others, I definitely bombed it. I was not prepared at all and after talking to a few companies I saw myself out. I did come away from the event making a new friend though. If I ever really need to do another job interview, I'll be more prepared for sure!
Monika: What would you advise to all transwomen looking for employment?
Juliana: My number 1 rule is always to be yourself. In general, when anyone goes for an interview they're trying to convince the company that they would be a good fit. A good interviewer can tell the difference between someone who is excited about working for them and someone who's just read up on the culture. It's always important to understand the culture, and their level of acceptance, but a genuine person will come across that way. It's important to be ready to talk about yourself, your skills, and your life experiences without making it about being trans.
Monika: Are you involved in the life of the local LGBTQ community?
Juliana: I'm a big homebody, so I tend to do most of my support online. Especially after last year with Covid-19. That said, I know a number of people in the local LGBTQ community and we all support each other as you do. Now that I'm vaccinated it feels safer to get back out there, so I'm hoping to become more involved as the local places start opening back up.
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| "My number 1 rule is always to be yourself." |
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Juliana: I love love. I made my first marriage proposal at 4 years old, and I'm still friends with her today. Love has always played an important part in my life, both loving others and being loved in return. That feeling of comfort and connection is truly what grounds me and motivates me to better myself.
As I've gotten older, I've started to understand just how many different forms of love come in, and how those can change over the course of a relationship. I'm still learning a lot as I go through the beginnings of a divorce. People expected me to hate or cut ties with my ex, but even though we didn't make it until forever, she'll always be my person. Realizing that was probably one of my biggest growing-up experiences in life. Now starting over, having learned all the things I've learned so far in life, I have a new respect for love and a new feeling for it as myself. It's very exciting!
Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
Juliana: The thought has been there for a long time. I think when I was earlier on in the whole coming out process my outlook on writing about it was more of a negative perspective. There was so much change in the beginning, and I tended to focus on that, and the unfairness that I had perceived. It was all about me when I came out, and that took some serious time and therapy to work through. So maybe in a few years, I would consider it, but I would want it to be a positive and realistic memoir, because through everything that is who I strive to be.
Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?
Juliana: This is such a loaded question. Does anyone really know where they'll be in 5 years? It's difficult to think of major life changes when you're already in your 40s. I've started to travel now that it's safe again. I'd love to see a lot of places around the world and visit some of the friends I've made over the last few years. I grew up around water, and I've re-found my love of the ocean, so maybe I'll end up living on the water somewhere.
For now, I'm just taking things one step at a time. My son just turned 16 so I'm not quite ready to be very far away from him. It's going to take some time for me to really learn how to live as an individual. I've been with the same person for 22 years, so almost everything in my head is "we." That said, finding me has been an amazing trip and I am really learning how to enjoy all that life has to offer.
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender women that are afraid of transition?
Juliana: Find someone to talk to. Therapists can be good, but they scare people as well. The community online has grown so much in the last few years, there are people who will listen and help. Also, say how you feel out loud, even if just to yourself. Hearing yourself say that you're trans can have a profound effect on actually accepting yourself as trans. Question everything, but don't ever think you shouldn't because you're afraid of not passing, or not fitting in.
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| "We should never limit ourselves." |
Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Juliana: I agree, we should never limit ourselves. Every day is a chance to learn something new. No one is ever done learning or experiencing this world, and something you experience today could forever change your outlook on tomorrow.
Monika: Juliana, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
Juliana: Thank you, Monika, it was a pleasure to be a part of this!
END OF PART 2
All the photos: courtesy of Juliana.
© 2021 - Monika Kowalska
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