Monika: I finally felt free after my transition. How about you? Was there a single moment, or maybe a series of moments, where you truly felt like you had stepped into your most authentic self?
June: Since I came out, I’ve felt much more at peace with myself. That peace has made me more empathetic and compassionate, and far less angry and fearful.
I did have one of those moments! It was before my FFS, about two and a half years into HRT. My face had softened, but I still didn’t think it looked particularly feminine. I was very insecure about my appearance. I'm not the best at doing my own makeup, so I sought out help at the local MAC Cosmetics store. That’s where I met my now-friend Jenn. She has been instrumental in my journey to womanhood. At my first visit, she taught me some basic makeup skills to help feminize my appearance, and I ended up getting a full makeover. I’ll never forget what it was like looking in the mirror that day. It was the first time I truly saw June. My eyes filled with tears, and I almost ruined my makeup!
Another memorable moment came after my second round of FFS. I ran out to the local convenience store without a bit of makeup on, just wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and a puffy jacket. As I approached the door, a man held it open and said, “After you, ma’am.” It was the first time someone had said that to me, and I was absolutely elated. It was such a small gesture, but a huge moment for me.
Monika: The journey to being our true selves often comes with a heavy price, losing friends, family, and sometimes even our jobs. What was the hardest part of coming out for you, and how did you navigate it?
June: Coming out to my immediate family was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I was so scared. I had come out to my wife in the spring of 2021, but it wasn’t until the fall of 2022, over a year into my medical transition, that I came out to my kids, sister, and my wife’s family. I’ve known I was different since I was seven years old. I hid it by overcompensating so much, doing very macho things: getting lots of tattoos, owning motorcycles, becoming a firefighter and paramedic, serving as a union leader, being very involved in Boy Scouts, etc. No one but my wife saw what was coming. I was surprised by my family’s reactions. Most were immediately accepting, a few were indifferent, and one relationship took an unexpectedly sad turn.
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| "It’s a very scary time for trans women in the United States right now." |
June: Absolutely. I was 12 years old. I was a fan of classical music as a kid. I loved the album Switched-On Bach, which was released under the name Walter Carlos. Then our family got Switched-On Brandenburgs, which was released under the name Wendy Carlos. I remember asking my parents if Wendy was Walter’s sister, and they explained that Wendy had been Walter and had undergone a “sex change”, that she had been “a woman trapped in a man’s body.” I immediately thought to myself, “That’s what I am.”
Monika: Many of us feel the pressure to “pass” as women, and even after surgeries, society keeps judging us. How do you personally deal with the outside world’s expectations?
June: I struggle with this a lot. I know I shouldn’t, but I find myself constantly comparing myself to other trans women, especially those who’ve had amazing transitions and can pass as cis women. I still see my male self in the mirror much of the time, despite my remarkable FFS results. I constantly beat myself up about my ability to pass. It’s often a topic in my therapy sessions. I also find myself posting frequently on social media, seeking validation.
Monika: What are your thoughts on the current situation for transgender women in your country? Do you think we are progressing, or does it feel like we’re moving backward?
June: Definitely moving backward. It’s a very scary time for trans women in the United States right now. The blatant transphobic attacks on us by our own governments, both federal and state, are outrageous. We’ve taken huge steps backward, especially for trans women. The attacks on trans athletes and the way we’re being painted as predators, villains, and fraudsters are making life incredibly difficult for all of us.
There’s so much anti-trans legislation being introduced across the country. There’s a bill in Texas right now that would make it a felony to simply exist as a trans person, calling it fraud. Another bill in Pennsylvania seeks to codify in state law the provisions of the president’s anti-trans executive orders. It’s like the 1930s in Germany. They came after trans people first. It’s a slippery slope toward fascism.
We, as trans people, are just trying to live our lives. We’re not trying to invade women’s restrooms and locker rooms for nefarious reasons, we just want to pee! We’re not groomers and we don’t have some deviant agenda. We just want to be accepted and left alone.
Monika: How would you describe your personal style? Do you follow any specific fashion trends, or do you have go-to outfits that make you feel confident?
June: I’m pretty basic, a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl, but I do like to get dressed up when I go out. I try to dress age-appropriately, yet let my personality show through. I also like to go all out when attending a concert, with a skirt and an interesting top. Mostly, I gravitate toward black and gray for my outfits, but I’ve been branching out.
Monika: Do you love playing around with makeup, or is it more of a “throw on the basics and go” kind of vibe for you?
June: Most days, it’s “throw on the basics and go.” I wear a uniform to work and need to be subtle. But when I go out, I go full out. I love false eyelashes and dark lipsticks when heading to a concert or other events with friends.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks? Do you find it easy to accept compliments, or do you struggle with believing them?
June: I think everyone likes to be complimented, but it can be embarrassing at times too. I recently attended our local trans support group meeting here in Philadelphia (TransWay) on Zoom. The meeting is co-moderated by Elizabeth Coffey, the actress from John Waters’ films and a well-known trans activist. She stopped the meeting three separate times to compliment me on my FFS results and tell me how feminine I looked. I was so uncomfortable, but affirmed at the same time.
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| "Coming out to my immediate family was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done." |
Monika: What was the most surprising part of your transition, something you never expected, whether good or bad?
June: That people were accepting. I fretted for decades that I would lose everyone in my life if I came out as trans. That, for the most part, didn’t happen. On the other hand, I’ve been shunned by someone I thought would be my biggest advocate. That hurts me tremendously, and I hope that someday they’ll be willing to repair our relationship.
Monika: Many trans women are writing their memoirs these days. Have you ever thought about writing your own book, and if so, what would its central message be?
June: It would be a dark and irreverent tale for sure. But I guess the central message would be: don’t wait to act. I persevered for decades, and it made me, and those around me, miserable. My life lesson to others is that people will surprise you. All of my doom and gloom was just wasted time. I often wonder how much better my and my family’s lives would have been if I had come out decades earlier.
Monika: If you could tell your younger self one thing about being a transgender woman, what would it be?
June: DON’T WAIT! It’s not going to be as hard as you think it is. Yes, there will be challenges, but you will be OK.
Monika: Finally, what’s next for June? What dreams and goals are you working toward now?
June: A few things on the trans-related front. First, in honor of Pride Month this year, I am co-founding Philly Fire Pride, an LGBTQ+ organization for members of the Philadelphia Fire Department. The organization will hold monthly support meetings on Zoom, along with in-person social events. I hope we’re successful.
Next, I hope to attend Convergence, the annual conference, general membership meeting, training, and social gathering of the International EMS & Firefighters Pride Alliance. I’m especially excited now that the organization has moved the conference out of Texas to a more trans-friendly place, Las Vegas.
Thirdly, I look forward to continuing my support work with our transgender firefighter and EMS support group. I hope that, as a result of this interview, we grow our organization a little bit bigger. I want other first responders who are questioning their gender, or who are trans, to know they are not alone.
Monika: June, thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights.
June: Thank you, Monika. It’s been a pleasure spending this time with you and your followers.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of June M. Kearney.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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