Monika: Coming out often comes with a heavy price, including the risk of losing friends, family, and even jobs. What was the most difficult part of your journey, and how did you navigate it?
Lynne: For many people it can mean losing family, friends, and having to start again with absolutely nothing. I have friends who have been through that situation. For me, it was the terror of thinking I would lose my family that made me pursue a “double life” for many years, being the loving husband and father at home, but then when away on business trips, I would be Lynne as much as I could.
The hardest part of coming out was the fear of rejection. However, I am very lucky, and with the help of a couple of very close Trans friends and their supportive wives, I was able to come out to my family, where I surprisingly found acceptance and tolerance. Being two-spirited is a hard thing, but for me, small steps over a number of years led to my family accepting me as who I really am.
Monika: Can you recall the first time seeing a trans woman on TV or meeting one in real life that made you think, “That’s me!”?
Lynne: Not a Trans woman, but certainly females in general. From the age of about 12 I always thought, “I wish I was her.” It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. I do admire Trans women in films and on TV and am in awe of the effort and courage they have shown. These days, I find myself people-watching, especially women, not to have the thoughts a typical man has, but I normally think, “Wow, nice outfit,” or “Lovely shoes, I wonder where she got them.”
When I worked in the City of London a few years ago, I was on the tube and was looking at a really smartly dressed woman. She glanced at me, and her eyes went to the ceiling. She was probably thinking, “Oh no, just another pervy man staring at me.” I noticed she was looking at me, and I said, “Oh, I’m Trans, I love your outfit!” She then came to sit next to me, and we spent 20 minutes chatting about fashion. She was so supportive. I do love people-watching, especially looking at other women to see what outfits they are wearing and getting ideas for myself.
Monika: Looking back, what were the earliest signs that you were drawn to your feminine side? Was there a particular dress or a lipstick that sparked everything?
Lynne: My earliest memory was when I was 12 years old. I started wearing my mum's tights at night in my bedroom. It just felt right. I then progressed, and when I was 16 and started my first job, I began buying clothes of my own. Then I progressed to makeup to complete the picture. So really, it was a gradual thing, but it just felt like a natural progression. I couldn't wait to dress the next time, enjoy my time en-femme, and then look forward to the next opportunity.
|
| "Trans people are all at different levels on the Trans spectrum." |
Lynne: I think that the Trans community in the UK especially are an easy target, like years ago with the Black, Gay and Asian communities. To attack the Trans community, where we are already hurting, people are waiting for transition operations with the NHS for 5, 6, 7 years or longer. Yearning to be their genuine selves. It’s torture for some, without being attacked from all sides.
I see lots of supportive Trans organisations, like the Beaumont, Trans Actual and more trying to give support for all Trans people, which is amazing. In time the political circus will move to attack another community, until then unfortunately, it's us. But we are strong and will survive.
Monika: Let’s talk about the community. What does sisterhood mean to you?
Lynne: I used to go to a wig store, where I was invited to the staff weekly night out, four CIS women and myself. We would go to a pub, have drinks, a bite to eat, and chats. I was accepted as “one of the girls,” and I was made to feel part of the “sisterhood.” It was amazing.
The sisterhood also means that when I get together with other Trans friends and we go out for an evening or a weekend away, we support each other, we listen, advise, and assist where we can. Trans people are all at different levels on the Trans spectrum, whether unable to go out but dress at home, part-time, transitioned, or whatever. We are a family, and the Trans sisterhood means mutual support.
Monika: I remember the time right after my transition, it was pure euphoria. My closet is still full of dresses and shoes that I literally bought by the dozens back then, and I must have tried on hundreds. I felt like I had to make up for all those years that were taken from me. Do you experience a similar euphoria?
Lynne: Certainly, shopping for clothes, cosmetics, and accessories is very addictive and part of being female. I have more clothes than I could ever wear! Recently, my wife and a friend had a clear-out of my collection of clothes, shoes, and accessories. They filled four large bin bags, which went off to charity.
Monika: How would you describe your personal style? Do you follow any specific fashion trends, or do you have go-to outfits that make you feel confident?
Lynne: My style is “Girl next door,” at 68 years of age I try to dress age appropriately. My wife recommends my clothes these days, so it's a trip to the White Stuff shop, Marks and Spencers and some charity shops, where I love to get a bargain, we all do! I have many outfits I like, but I’ve recently got into Capri trousers and a tunic top for Autumn/Winter, a good look which is casual and I enjoy.
Monika: Do you love playing around with makeup, or is it more of a “throw on the basics and go” kind of vibe for you?
Lynne: I like to wear different shades of wig, blonde or auburn. That means I can change my makeup to suit the shade of hair. It's a learning curve and I love to try different styles and shades of eye makeup and lipstick particularly. It’s fun.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks? Do you find it easy to accept compliments, or do you struggle with believing them?
Lynne: I like being complimented, it’s so nice. I think all females like to think they look good and to get someone to say “I like your outfit” or some other compliment is a confidence booster.
Monika: Do you ever feel pressure to meet a certain ideal of femininity, like I did by trying to look like the women around me?
Lynne: I like to people-watch, and I like to look at the outfits women wear. At the moment, summer outfits are being put away for next year, and the autumn/winter fashions are coming out. I like to get ideas from what other women are wearing. I like to be a respectful, helpful woman who encourages other Trans people to raise their confidence to the next level.
Monika: What was the most surprising part of your coming out, something you never expected, whether good or bad?
Lynne: My children, well, they are both in their 20s now. My son was a student when I came out, and he said, “I find it a bit weird, Dad, but you are still going to buy food for the fridge, aren’t you?” As a student, he was more concerned that his belly was going to be fed, haha. My brother didn’t recognise a picture of Lynne, and his wife, who is very supportive, complimented my outfit in the photo. I was surprised by the positive support after hearing so many horror stories.
|
| "I would love to write a book." |
Monika: How has love shaped your life and your journey as a real self? Could you share what role love plays in your personal growth and happiness?
Lynne: I am a loving, trusting person and I find that in life if you are nice to people they are generally nice back. Whether you are in a store and interacting with the retail staff, on a day out with other Trans friends, or contacted by a member at the Beaumont, where I have been asked to help them.
Monika: Many trans women are writing their memoirs these days. Have you ever thought about writing your own book, and if so, what would its central message be?
Lynne: I would love to write a book. It would have many chapters. My Trans life has been full of laughter and enjoyable “This is too crazy to be true,” but in the Trans world we do have some pretty crazy times along the way, balanced with large helpings of support from Trans friends, family, and lots of smiles too. My message would be that “It’s a wonderful life,” so please, if you feel able, get out there as your authentic self and enjoy life as you. It’s amazing experiencing life as Lynne, and I would highly recommend that people push themselves as much as possible.
Monika: Finally, what’s next for Lynne? What dreams and goals are you working toward now?
Lynne: My next thing for Lynne is to move the Beaumont Society along, modernise, update and make a difference to our members and to the wider Trans community at large. We have a fantastic management team and now with the technology available to us we need to reach out to our members and other Trans organisations to help everyone we can.
I am the Vice President at the moment, and who knows, I may be lucky enough to be invited to be President next. If I am, I will concentrate on looking at our medium and long-term strategies and on attracting the next generation of Trans people to the Beaumont Society to enjoy the support, camaraderie and enjoyment that we can provide.
Monika: Lynne, thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights.
Lynne: Thank you so much, Monika. It's been an absolute pleasure to chat with you, thank you.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Lynne Jones.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
No comments:
Post a Comment