Monika: Let's start with the moment itself. What did it feel like when you finally knew you were a woman?
Maria: It took years for me to finally accept and embrace that I had grown into my womanhood. I think today I will still continue to grow as a woman, but it is so refreshing that I no longer have to chase the next surgery. I feel at peace with where I am in my womanhood.
Monika: And what part of being a woman do you enjoy the most?
Maria: I think my womanhood radiates from within. It is not about the lipstick or the short skirt; it is about the essence of being a woman. I love being me, and that is a woman. On the other hand, I am a girly girl too, I love dressing up, I love lingerie, heels, smelling pretty, and feeling sexy, of course.
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| 2012 modeling gig - raising money for HIV. |
Monika: Every woman remembers her wedding day. Tell me about yours, the dress, the ceremony, walking down the aisle.
Maria: Unfortunately, my 16-year marriage to my husband ended two years ago. However, we are the best of friends, and I will always be thankful to him for making my dream come true.
The day I got married was one of the most profound moments of my life. The dress, and having him wait for me at the end of the aisle, him at only 5 foot 9, me a vision in white at 6 foot 5 in my heels, it was beautiful. My brother gave me away, and my mother paid for my reception; I truly felt complete.
I think we're lucky if we find true love once in our lives, and I can say I found it in Greg. He will be the love of my life.
The day I got married was one of the most profound moments of my life. The dress, and having him wait for me at the end of the aisle, him at only 5 foot 9, me a vision in white at 6 foot 5 in my heels, it was beautiful. My brother gave me away, and my mother paid for my reception; I truly felt complete.
I think we're lucky if we find true love once in our lives, and I can say I found it in Greg. He will be the love of my life.
Monika: Stepping back a bit, how would you describe the present situation of transgender women in American society?
Maria: We are no longer quiet, we are visible, front and center. I think there is much more to do to ensure that we continue to be represented in all aspects of society. But it is my belief that we are unstoppable, and we will prevail.
Monika: More and more transgender women are stepping into the spotlight these days, Maria Wachowski in film directing, Jenna Talackova in modeling, Kate Bornstein in academia, Laura Jane Grace in music, Candis Cayne in acting. Do you see that trend continuing?
Maria: Of course, this is our time. We see more and more trans women and men in politics and in all aspects of the media. I think that in order to keep creating change, we have to be at the table.
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| Marching in transgender contingency Long Beach gay pride 2007 |
Monika: The flip side of that visibility is the violence, we keep hearing about transgender women being beaten or killed, and you were assaulted in Reno yourself. What do you think could have prevented that?
Maria: If I look back at that experience, the only way I could have prevented it was by not being at the club. However, I believe I have the right to go anywhere without being beaten.
I must say sometimes we have to pick our battles, and as sad as it is, the reality is that many police officers have no empathy for crimes committed against transgender individuals.
There is a notion that I should not have been there in the first place, they always have the upper hand. I believed I could reason with them, and that wasn't happening, so I should have left and looked for other avenues to address the violence I was subjected to. I am glad I spoke about it, because it happens so often in silence. We need to bring these incidents to the surface.
I must say sometimes we have to pick our battles, and as sad as it is, the reality is that many police officers have no empathy for crimes committed against transgender individuals.
There is a notion that I should not have been there in the first place, they always have the upper hand. I believed I could reason with them, and that wasn't happening, so I should have left and looked for other avenues to address the violence I was subjected to. I am glad I spoke about it, because it happens so often in silence. We need to bring these incidents to the surface.
Monika: Beyond speaking out, are you politically active too, lobbying, campaigning? Do you think transgender women can genuinely move the needle in politics?
Maria: I am very active locally in Los Angeles. I have been fortunate to participate in Transgender Lobby Days in Washington, DC. The only way we can influence change is by being involved in the process of creating it. I think we will see more and more trans men and women in politics, doing great things for our community legislatively.
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| At her desk at APAIT Health Center where Maria is a CRCS counselor. |
Monika: Here's a big one for you, could you imagine living to see a transgender woman become President of the United States?
Maria: Girl, I would pass out if that happened! I didn't even think it would be possible to see an African-American person as our president in my lifetime , but I pray we're heading in that direction.
Monika: Switching to television, watching "Wild Things," it looked like you, Tiara Russell, and Cassandra Cass had a genuinely good time together. Are you happy with how the series turned out for you?
Maria: I am happy that three trans women were given a chance to show a little more of ourselves to the world. I was happy that we could show that we have families whom we love so much. In essence, we are like everyone else, seeking happiness and love.
Monika: You also took on film work, the role of Alma Flora in "Remember Me in Red" (2012). Did you enjoy playing her?
Maria: Alma Flora was a challenging role for me. I had to dress as a man and play the ghost of a dead transwoman who was going to be buried as a man. My skin crawled in that grey suit. Sadly, this happens to many transgender individuals, our lives get erased by a suit.
I had a friend who was murdered by another transwoman, and after her death, her parents came from Mexico and even had the nerve to put a mustache on her. I was so devastated by the lack of respect she was given by her own family.
I had a friend who was murdered by another transwoman, and after her death, her parents came from Mexico and even had the nerve to put a mustache on her. I was so devastated by the lack of respect she was given by her own family.
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| With Mara Keisling at Transgender Lobby Days 2009, Washington DC. |
Monika: Alma Flora was written as a transgender character. Is a non-transgender role something you'd want to take on someday?
Maria: Well, it would be nice not to play the typical tragic transwoman-type role, but there is more on the horizon, I pray. Still, it is an honor to tell a story that so often goes untold.
I hope one day we can see, on the big screen, a coming-of-age story of a young transwoman who finds herself as she finds love. Wouldn't that be nice?
I hope one day we can see, on the big screen, a coming-of-age story of a young transwoman who finds herself as she finds love. Wouldn't that be nice?
Monika: A lot of transgender women end up writing memoirs. Is that on the cards for you?
Maria: I am in the process of doing so, it will definitely have illustrations, lol. I think my title would be WANTED.
Monika: After everything you've been through, can you say you're a happy woman now?
Maria: I would say I have arrived, thriving and happy. Today I live a sober life, and I am fortunate to have a career. I love the support of my family, and I've found that space where I can sit with myself alone and be content with my own company.
Monika: Maria, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
All the photos: courtesy of Maria Roman.
© 2013 - Monika Kowalska
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