Monika: Choosing a name is such a deeply personal decision, one that can hold layers of significance and meaning. How did you come to choose the name Megan? Does it carry a special resonance for you, perhaps representing a part of your journey or embodying a particular feeling or aspiration?
Megan: As a matter of fact, we were all told by my mother what our names would have been, and so I simply chose the one I would have had. It helped me, at least, convince my father that I wasn’t trying to completely bury my past.
Monika: Transitioning is not just a personal journey; it also reshapes our relationships, especially with those who support us. Have you noticed a shift in how people treat you since your transition?
Megan: I have. My relationship with my father, in particular, changed, and I think, ultimately, in a very positive way. We were both able to see each other in very vulnerable moments, and I saw in him how far a good parent will go to protect and show their child how much they love them. And of course, this affected my own family; my ex and I are quite close, and she is very happily remarried. I will always love the marriage we had, and I am grateful for her forbearance. Of course, we both made mistakes and went through some emotionally raw times, but as she has said, “much water under many bridges” all these years later. My children are in their thirties now, and so were in primary school when I transitioned, and I think the largest issue we worked on was the separation (they moved to England, and I worked there when I could). I’m terribly proud of both of them and love them dearly.
And then there are my siblings, and I think there’s a range of changes–some barely registering publicly, and others so drastically changed that we don’t speak very much any more. I am closer to my youngest sister, perhaps not directly because of my transition, but because of everything that happened around it.
In the end, I think, as many trans people do, I made mistakes along the way: not the transition itself–I would still very happily do it all over again. But I would have chosen my timing better, or my words more gently, or read the room a little more carefully. I hurt feelings in my excited rush to be who I should have been born as. I can perhaps be forgiven in this, considering the circumstances, but still, I do love, in particular, my twin brother and my other sister, and I know that handling how I came out wasn’t helpful.
Monika: I finally felt free after my transition. How about you? Was there a single moment, or maybe a series of moments, where you truly felt like you had stepped into your most authentic self?
Megan: I did. There are the little things that accumulate along the way–that first Driver’s license, or doctor’s visit, the time I started HRT (ripping through the bag in a Walgreens parking lot and taking that one pill under my tongue). But early on, the most profound was flying to see my father and my sisters for the first time as Meg. To be so welcomed and so loved was a powerful affirmation, and it felt like, for the first time in my life, I could stop holding my breath.
Monika: The journey to being our true selves often comes with a heavy price, losing friends, family, and sometimes even our jobs. What was the hardest part of coming out for you, and how did you navigate it?
Megan: The hardest loss was my marriage, and the guilt I felt over it–I truly never planned to transition, but as many of us know, that’s a fool’s bargain and a time bomb waiting to go off. I miss the deep connection I had with my twin brother, which I don’t think I’ll ever have again. On the one hand, I’ll never understand i,t and it has been particularly hurtful because he was the one person I thought, of all people, who would be in my corner, and he turned out to be the one person who has been the most difficult. On the other hand, of course, I understand that as twins we grew up defining ourselves, in part, with each other.
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| "My relationship with my father, in particular, changed, and I think, ultimately, in a very positive way." |
Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a trans woman on TV or met one in real life that helped you realize, “That’s me!”?
Megan: The first trans person I met in real life was someone my father knew, and he invited her to his home that first time I visited as Meg. So I would have been about 37 or so. As for television, I remember watching Vanessa Redgrave in the televised version of Second Serve, by Renee Richards. I think there was an episode of Medical Center, too, where the story revolved around a trans woman, played by Robert Reed (Mike Brady!).
But honestly? What I remember the most was reading The Marvelous Land of Oz, and how the character Tip was really Princess Ozma in disguise. And I still remember reading the lines after Tip is transformed:
“I’m the same–”
“--only different.”
Monika: Many of us feel the pressure to “pass” as women, and even after surgeries, society keeps judging us. How do you personally deal with the outside world’s expectations?
Megan: I think as I grow older, I’ve learned to muddle through like every other woman. I used to worry because I’m in a very gendered field, but I’ve also learned–and this more from derby than anything else–that there are all kinds of women, all kinds of womanhood, and all kinds of ways to get there. I didn’t have too much trouble passing early on–HRT really helped, and I don’t have a particularly large build or was especially hairy. I suppose there are certain professional expectations of me, but I’m also very nerdy, and very sporty, and sometimes I approach elegance. Mostly, especially these days, I just move through my day. There’s a certain weird mixture of confidence and world-weariness that goes pretty far in my book.
Monika: Thanks to advancements in medical care, transgender girls today have the opportunity to use puberty blockers, but their availability is becoming increasingly restricted, amid ongoing debates among scientists, doctors, and, unfortunately, politicians. What’s your take on this controversy? Do you believe these restrictions prevent young people from living authentically from the start?
Megan: I do. I think it is horrible that people are targeting trans kids in both their health care and participation in sports. Few things are as cruel as telling a trans kid that there is actually something we can do to make their life joyful, but we’re not going to give it to them. I would have killed for such an opportunity, and I think the adults who are making these decisions will be looked upon with disgust by future generations.
Monika: Many detransitioners share stories of regret, often feeling that they rushed into transition or were influenced by external pressures, sometimes blaming the medical system for not guiding them more carefully. While their experiences are valid and deserve compassion, it’s also frustrating when their narratives are weaponized against transgender people who are happy with their transition. How do you feel about the way detransitioners are portrayed in public discourse, and do you think their experiences should influence how gender-affirming care is approached?
Megan: My heart will always go out to someone whose life did not turn out the way it should have, but, honestly? No, I don’t actually think that de-transitioners should be given a platform. There are a million reasons why someone who de-transitions might decide to do so, including, especially, external hate and unacceptance. But good lord, we don’t parade people around who regret knee replacements or breast reduction (or implants) or what have you. This is all meant as a brutal scare tactic, and it needs to stop.
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| "Anything that I would write would have to include my own cosmic journey, as an astronomer and as someone who wonders and cares about the human condition." |
Monika: Shifting to something lighter, how would you describe your personal style? Do you follow any specific fashion trends, or do you have go-to outfits that make you feel confident?
Megan: Early on, I’d have to say, for better or worse, I was very much in a Laura Ashley professorial mode. These days, though, I’m either rather professionally dressed, as you might expect from a professor, or sporty, as you’d expect from someone who skates and races. I can’t tell you what my real hair color is anymore, but these days it’s pink and purple. I can be quite tweedy and admit I do indulge sometimes in a certain English equestrian aesthetic.
Monika: Did you ever feel pressure to meet a certain ideal of femininity, like I did by trying to look like the women around me?
Megan: Not especially. I think at first I did, but like anyone else, I soon enough found my own eclectic style.
Monika: What was the most surprising part of your transition, something you never expected, whether good or bad?
Megan: Oh, it is probably cliche, but it is worth pointing out: I could never be heard in scientific meetings. Always talked over, always interrupted. It was quite jarring, especially early on, when the memory of that not happening was pretty fresh.
Monika: Many trans women are writing their memoirs these days. Have you ever thought about writing your own book, and if so, what would its central message be?
Megan: I’ve thought about it, but honestly it’d have to be a book that I’d like to read myself. I’m not sure how unique my journey is. That’s not to say there aren’t interesting things and insights–there were and are.
I used to say that this was the last thing I’d want to be known for. That I’m an astronomer and teacher and scientist, and all these other things. But I’ve come to realize that being a trans woman, overcoming what I did, now going on almost 23 years–more than half my adult life and almost the entirety of my professional career–that ain’t nothing.
Anything that I would write would have to include my own cosmic journey, as an astronomer and as someone who wonders and cares about the human condition. I think, or at least I hope, that my transition and its aftermath has made me a better person and a better teacher, and more in tune with trying to contemplate the meaning of the Universe, if there is one.
At the end of the day, as I tell my students, physicists are sure of only a few things: some things are conserved, some things are mirrored, and all things eventually change. What better reflection of those universal truths than the life of trans woman knocking on the door of 60?
Monika: Finally, what’s next for Megan? What dreams and goals are you working toward now?
Megan: I am working on a book about Elda Anderson, a member of the Milwaukee Downer College faculty and the Manhattan Project. She’s our area’s hidden figure, and uncovering her history has been challenging and a long term project of mine. And I will continue to be a vocal advocate for dark skies initiatives.
Monika: Megan, thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights.
Megan: You are most welcome. Thank you so much for the interview!
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Megan Pickett.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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