Interview with Melissa Reames - Part 2

 

 

Monika: What do you think about the present situation of transgender women in your country?

Melissa: Well, all I will say is that we still exist. We aren’t going anywhere. Am I worried about the current administration? Most definitely. I have googled and really studied the topic: “How to Request Asylum.” I am a planner. I seriously question in the “greatest” nation why any citizen would ever need to do such a thing, but yet, here we are.

Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colors, or trends?

Melissa: I have my moments. I also like finding incredible deals too. I don’t have to have the $200 pair of shoes or boots. I’m too economical. Do I like to spoil myself? Sure, on that rare occasion. Work takes up a good portion of my life and that will be: slacks, pantsuits, nice blouses and dresses. At home, I love my soft sleep pants and I always have a fuzzy warm pair of socks. I mean fuzzy socks are my life! Lol. I’m not opposed to making statements with t-shirts either when I’m out. My “Trans Rights are Human Rights” or “Y’all means All” in trans colors, I wear all the time. It has taken me a bit of time medically transitioning to feel comfortable wearing tank dresses or something that can show a little cleavage. I have good genes from the females in my family and a great endocrinologist that have helped with that. I can say I’ve been lucky and blessed, because I will not get top surgery from the results I am happy with in my transition.

I will say, yes, there are times I feel especially happy walking around a stage, behind a podium, and I like my appearance. I also love those moments where I can dress up for a gala or charity event. They remind me how far I’ve come. How much I should be proud of and proud of who I am. We all need those moments of affirmation, whether from ourselves or others.
Monika: Do you often experiment with your makeup?

Melissa: As with blending, I don’t usually go crazy on makeup. I’m pretty simple when I do makeup. I don’t try to attract attention just because of super harsh eyeshadow or lashes or wild lipstick color. I let my wife do my makeup once. She did the false eyelashes and a bit more makeup than I usually wear. She could tell right away that I wasn’t a fan. I really do try to stay more natural in my look and even on occasion skip on the makeup. I really pay attention to the women I know and see and how they appear with and do their makeup. It usually isn’t that crazy. So, unless I'm doing a photo shoot and I am pampered with my makeup and hair being done for me, simple makeup is the way I go every day.

 

"I transitioned while
staying at the same job."

 

Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks?

Melissa: Yes and no. I live in the South of the United States. Sometimes it is just part of daily life to be called “honey” or “baby.” It isn’t done out of malice or degradation. This is just how some people are down here. Now, a completely random compliment on my hair or my smile, makes me smile. I’ve had some comments said to me that I’ll just roll my eyes. It is something I’m getting used to with transitioning. The best was walking down Beale Street in Memphis with a friend. A guy said to me, “Girl, you are tall. We will make tall babies!” I replied, “I am tall, but no, on the babies.” Ya take it in stride. It is still affirming in a weird way.

Monika: Do you remember your first job interview as a woman?

Melissa: I have not had to have one. I transitioned while staying at the same job. I would have some worry especially now with the current administration. I’ve been in the optical field for 36 years. I have a huge working knowledge of optics when it comes to glasses and your eyes. Even with that, I would be worried if I had to do a job interview as a trans woman.

I will say, and I tell this story at almost every speaking engagement. I did have to tell my district manager at the time. Even doing this, I was worried. I mean, if it was a bad reaction, it could make my job a lot harder. So, I was a bundle of nerves. Yet, when I told her that I was transitioning to female, her reaction really let me know I was going to be okay. As soon as I told her, she reached out for my hand and said, “How can I help you on this journey?” To say I got teary-eyed was an understatement. We talked and laughed about things for a good half hour. She got the ball rolling with HR and what to do there. My company and especially her stepped up, and that has made my work environment a very happy and safe place.

Monika: When I came out at work, my male co-workers treated me in a way as if the transition lowered my IQ. Did you experience the same? Do you think it happens because we are women or because we are transgender? Or both?

Melissa: I honestly think I’m seen by my peers as a woman. I’m also a manager and currently, I only have women associates working at my store. I get a gist from some males because I am a woman that stereotypes apply. Like, I shouldn’t know much about cars, drink beer, or shoot tequila. Yet, there are always some male friends who accepted me right away as myself. Even to the point of watching out for me like at events or bars, as if I was one of the girls. That took a little getting used to and made me feel good too, in mind and body.

Monika: What was the most surprising part of your transition that you didn’t expect, either positively or negatively?

Melissa: Honestly, I thought people accepting me would be more difficult. I mean, in that there would be a time period of people gendering me wrong, or deadnaming me. Amazingly, it was like a light switch for everyone. I said I was transitioning and I was Melissa and my pronouns are she/her. No one messed up.

 

"I fought the idea of being
female and being transgender."

 

There were also things that I had to learn in being myself. For example, as I transitioned, I was blind to some things, because as a “male” you don’t think of them. These important things didn’t register. There are times my crew, and now myself, watch each other leaving the store in the parking lot in the evening. I never gave it much thought. I’m much more aware of my surroundings when I’m alone.

Oh, and the biggest surprise is how happy I am… even with all the strife politically and just for being trans, I have never been so happy, or did I think it was possible to be this happy.

Monika: A lot of trans women are writing their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing your own book?

Melissa: Most definitely! I think it would be liberating while being helpful to some at the same time. I know as I prepared to transition and at the start, I read more than a few memoirs. They were all helpful in their own ways. I’ve had some interesting times in my transition. I’ve had a very busy guardian angel at times. No one life’s story is the same, and that is what makes us all interesting. We can all learn something from those we encounter in the world.

Monika: If you could tell your younger self one thing about being a transgender woman, what would it be?

Melissa: You are not wrong! I had to do a lot of self-discovery and self-learning about being transgender. I didn’t have the internet. I had a college textbook of my brother’s. I was a teen. I tried to figure out if I was a cross-dresser, a transvestite, or a transexual. That’s how old this textbook was. To say I was confused was an understatement. It was when I was in college, that things started to click and I realized that I was transgender. But, with the socialization of male and female roles, I fought the idea of being female and being transgender. I don’t regret my life. All these things lead me here. I can say my life would have been so different if I transitioned earlier, but at the same time, whether late in life or not, I am just happy I let myself out in the world for good.

Monika: Finally, what’s next for Melissa? What dreams and goals are you working toward now? 

Melissa: Well, before the administration, I had planned to look at the idea of some type of political office, even if it was locally where I lived. I’m not sure if that is viable now. I’m not even sure I exist in the eyes of the government right now. So, I will do my best to continue to do what I love so much these days in speaking engagements and mentoring. If I can help those on their journey or help others understand our journey, even if it is one person at a time, my life is fulfilled.

Monika: Melissa, thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights.

Melissa: Thank you for letting me share my life with you!

END OF PART 2

Back to PART 1

 

All photos: courtesy of Melissa Reames.

© 2025 - Monika Kowalska