Monika: Are you involved in politics or advocacy? Have you participated in any lobbying efforts? In your opinion, can transgender women influence political change?
Milene: I don’t follow politics that well, although I probably should. I think transgender women would make quite a difference! It gives us a voice. We need more minorities in politics so issues affecting us can be raised. It makes all the difference when someone in politics has firsthand experience with the problems we face every day. It has a stronger impact and empowers our voices.
Monika: What about your involvement in your local LGBTQ+ community?
Milene: Of course! There’s a group called UBU Atlantic that I’m a part of, though lately I’ve been absent since I recently moved to Halifax. They host support groups for transgender youth, adults, and allies. We discuss relevant issues, events, and everything about our beautiful community. The Pride parade is one of my favorite annual events, and it’s amazing to see how much pride we share as one big community, showing our true colors through love and acceptance!
Monika: The transgender cause is often grouped together with the broader LGBTQ+ community. As the last letter in the acronym, do you think transgender issues get enough visibility within the larger LGBTQ+ movement?
Milene: I think we do promote our cause as one group, but many people consider our issues somewhat independent. Most queer people I know feel that transgender issues are different enough that they should be addressed separately from other LGBTQ+ concerns.
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| What I would like to say to my haters out there <3. |
Monika: Have you heard others express opinions about the relationship between transgender and other queer communities?
Milene: Yes, I’ve heard countless times from my gay friends that the transgender community almost should be its own separate community.
Monika: What’s your perspective on whether the transgender community should stand alone or remain united with the rest of the LGBTQ+ community?
Milene: Personally, I think we should stand together, because we’re in a similar situation to where gay people were before. Back then, you would see commercials treating homosexuality as a disease, and people avoided gay people as if it were contagious. Being gay was seen as a disease, a sin, and people were even murdered just for being themselves. The discrimination homosexuals faced was insane, and while it’s less severe now, it still exists.
But the trans community is in that very same place right now. People fear being assaulted in bathrooms, as if someone would dress up as the opposite gender just to harm others. Parents worry we’ll “influence” their children, thinking young kids shouldn’t be exposed to our community. It’s the same kind of fear and discrimination all over again.
Monika: How would you describe your personal style? Are there particular outfits, colors, or fashion trends you tend to favor?
Milene: I wear a lot of things that were given to me when I started my transition. I’ve gotten a bunch of clothes from co-workers and friends who were trying to help me out at first! Now, when I shop, I usually go to Forever 21, really inexpensive and pretty nice clothes!
I try to wear anything that helps feminize my figure. Dolman sleeves are like my savior sent from the heavens! Seriously, invest in Dolman sleeves! But in all seriousness, I just wear whatever makes me comfortable, sweaters and t-shirts most days. Leggings are the best too, so comfy!
Monika: What are your thoughts on transgender beauty pageants?
Milene: Well, if we compare them to traditional beauty pageants, those tend to set a very narrow standard of beauty. People naturally compare themselves to others; it’s human nature. But when society dictates how women should look, act, and behave, it’s demoralizing, because those standards are already unachievable by 99% of us. We’re not all perfect, guys. Being transgender is even harder cause then people compare you to cisgender women, setting the bar even higher. These women have 100% of my respect, what they do is incredible! It’s just what society perceives these pageants as that bothers me so much.
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| Then and now! More to come! |
Monika: How important is love in your life, and how does it shape the way you live?
Milene: It’s what keeps me going! You need that support from others, you can’t rely only on yourself and expect to go very far. You need to have people there who love and care about you.
Lately, I’ve been working on loving myself more, learning to accept who I am, my flaws and my weaknesses. And when you have so much love and support, it becomes an amazing journey toward self-acceptance. When you learn to do that, it’s much easier to support and love other people. It’s just a cycle that keeps all our morale high!
Monika: Many transgender women decide to share their stories in memoirs. Have you ever considered writing a book about your own journey?
Milene: I’ve never really thought about it until now. I haven't achieved much at all. I’m so young, and I have such a long way to go still! Maybe sometime in the future, I will!
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender women who are afraid of transitioning because of discrimination and hate?
Milene: Always do what’s best for you. No one is telling you how to live your life, only you have a say in it. I always thought about what others might think, what people would say or do. But at the end of the day, it’s my life.
If something in your life doesn't feel right, whether it’s a job, a class, your image, or your identity, do something about it. You might be afraid of losing people you love, but those who truly love you will always stand by your side, even if they’re not 100% with you at first.
Understand that transitioning is a hard process for everyone, and it will take time. But it will be worth it in the end, whatever your personal goal is.
Monika: What plans do you have for the near future, and where do you see yourself in five to seven years?
Milene: I plan on going to school. Hopefully, in five years, I’ll be in medical school, maybe I’ll be your dermatologist! Right now, I’m planning to volunteer more and be more involved with the community.
I also plan to be more active within the transgender community, making a better impact on the lives of transgender people by fighting for our rights. I’ll be living day by day, hopefully gaining new experiences all the time. Life is so short, live each day to its fullest.
Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame once told me that we should never limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. She said our dreams should not end on an operating table, that’s where they begin. Do you agree?
Milene: I agree completely. My transition is just one of many things that contribute to my happiness, and I have to focus on my future as well. You have so much potential to do so much more. Transitioning should not be your only dream! Your career, your family, your impact on everybody, that’s what you should be dreaming about, along with your transition.
Your transition is not the only thing that will make you happy, it’s just part of the million and one things you have to do to achieve happiness.
Monika: Milene, it’s been a pleasure speaking with you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Milene: Thank you so much for taking the time to contact me. Thanks again!
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Milene.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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