Monika: The sexuality of transgender women is often a taboo subject, shrouded in curiosity and misunderstanding. I absolutely loved your video titled ‘How It Feels to Have Sex with a Post-Op Transsexual?’ It’s a conversation that’s so often avoided, yet so important. Personally, I’ve always been curious but a bit too shy to bring it up with my partners. Was it difficult for you to have that conversation with your partner, or did it come naturally as part of your relationship?
Naiah: I wasn’t open about being trans with him before we had sex. Not my proudest moment, but he said he preferred it that way because it allowed him to experience me without any apprehension based on something he might not have fully understood before we went all the way. I think he just really realized there wasn’t much difference between me and a natal female for the most part… except for the whole pregnancy thing, etc.
I’ve always believed that if you’ve done a great job at passing, then that shouldn’t be the first thing you tell someone about yourself. That’s just how I feel. I liked going on various dates to test the waters, and if I liked someone enough, then I would tell them. Now, please don’t take this as advice not to tell men, all I’m saying is date smart, and you’ll know when it’s the right time to be open with a partner. For me, I was dating with the purpose of finding a husband, not a one-night stand, so he didn’t need to know about my transness before getting to know my personality and my goals. My first date with my husband lasted over 6 hours. We talked about EVERYTHING except me being trans.
Monika: Many detransitioners share stories of regret, often feeling that they rushed into transition or were influenced by external pressures, sometimes blaming the medical system for not guiding them more carefully. While their experiences are valid and deserve compassion, it’s also frustrating when their narratives are weaponized against transgender people who are happy with their transition. How do you feel about the way detransitioners are portrayed in public discourse, and do you think their experiences should influence how gender-affirming care is approached?
Naiah: I believe that as an adult, you should be allowed to do whatever you want with your life. But nowadays we’re seeing cases where people transition quickly, from men to women almost overnight, and then detransition. That’s why it’s so important to draw clear lines around what people are allowed to do, within the law, and what definitions they fall under. That way, everyone can have space, whether transitioning or detransitioning, without causing harm to others in the community.
For example, if the law says you can’t change your birth certificate because you still have a penis, then that’s the law, and it should be respected. We can’t have a ‘wild west’ approach to gender-affirming care and expect no one to be harmed, especially if we as a community can’t agree on clear definitions and boundaries.
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| "I was dating with the purpose of finding a husband." |
Monika: Shifting gears to something a little lighter, how would you describe your personal style? Do you follow any specific fashion trends, or do you have go-to outfits that make you feel confident?
Naiah: Everyone knows me as the girl who overdresses. I’ll show up to a family dinner in a full gown, just because it makes me feel good! My personal style swings between full-on glamour and comfy sports gear (even if I have zero plans to hit the gym). I wouldn’t say I stick to any one trend, but honestly, if I could, I’d wear gowns and high fashion every single day. Haha, that’s just me!
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks? Do you find it easy to accept compliments, or do you struggle with believing them?
Naiah: Compliments always feel good. But honestly, I don’t think compliments are for the person being complimented, I think they come from an internal feeling the complimenter is experiencing. So for me, a compliment is just someone sharing their emotional response, how they feel in that moment. It doesn’t always change how I feel about myself. If I know I’m not looking my best and someone gives me a compliment, I’ll be like… riiiight. But if I’ve put in the work and someone says something nice, I’m like, okay, they’re noticing the effort, I appreciate that! Thanks, haha.
Monika: Did you ever feel pressure to meet a certain ideal of femininity, like I did by trying to look like the women around me?
Naiah: I don’t feel that way anymore. Once I fully owned being a Transsexual, I started embracing both my masculinity and femininity, and it’s beautiful to have both. But when I was still trying to “pass” as female, I was constantly stressed. I worried about everything, my hands, my feet, my voice, my outfit, the way I walked… I mean, literally EVERYTHING. It was like I had this checklist in my head, always running. Now I’ve stepped into myself, and I don’t feel the need to mimic anyone. I’m just Naiah, and that’s more than enough.
Monika: What was the most surprising part of your transition, something you never expected, whether good or bad?
Naiah: I never expected to regret not saving my sperm. Having children was always important to me, but when I finally had the last dollar I needed for SRS, I didn’t hesitate, I flew straight to the surgeon’s office. I was so focused on the finish line that I didn’t think about what might come after. I wish I had saved just a little more to cryopreserve my sperm. So girls… if motherhood is something you even think you might want one day… #saveyoursperm. Seriously.
Monika: Many trans women are writing their memoirs these days. Have you ever thought about writing your own book?
Naiah: I’ve definitely thought about it. I think it would be an amazing way to tell my story in my own words. But right now, I feel like I’m still in the process of becoming the woman I truly want to be. There’s still so much evolving, learning, and living I want to do before I sit down to write that final chapter. One day, when the time is right, I’d love to share it all, the struggles, the glow-ups, the tears, the triumphs. But for now, the story is still unfolding.
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| "I think it would be an amazing way to tell my story in my own words." |
Monika: Finally, what’s next for Naiah? What dreams and goals are you working toward now?
Naiah: Right now, I’m focusing on advocating for legal, safe, and transparent surrogacy journeys, something deeply personal to me. My husband and I are hoping to have another baby, so that’s a beautiful goal we’re actively working toward. Beyond that, I want to use my voice and platform to uplift other trans women and help push for more legal protections for our community. There’s still so much work to be done, and I’m committed to being part of that progress. Whether it’s through sharing my story or fighting for our rights, I’m here for my sisters. Always.
Monika: Naiah, thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights.
Naiah: Monika, thank you for taking the time to prepare such thoughtful questions. I truly admire what you’re doing with these interviews, highlighting the beauty, complexity, and power of trans women’s stories. If you ever decide to turn this project into a book, I say go for it! You’ve got something really special here. And yes, this was a blast, I loved every minute of it.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Naiah Nikole. One image by Derique Henche.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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