Interview with Robyn-Jane - Part 2

Monika: What was the most difficult part of coming out for you?

Robyn: The hardest thing was the very first step. Telling that first person and choosing them carefully takes so much agony and soul-searching. Like taking your first physical steps the day after gender reassignment, it is painful and can hurt so much. Maybe, too, the real hardest part comes even before that moment: admitting to yourself that to move forward, you will have to come out in order to get better and be free. That process took years for me, and while I wish it hadn’t, I’m glad that I reached that point. When I came out that first time to my best friend, I could use that conviction and self-knowledge to make myself understood and respected. The rest was way easier.

Monika: Have you ever been married? How has your understanding of love evolved over time?

Robyn: I have been married, but sadly, or understandably, not for love. I married my best friend when I was only 20. It was a friendship made for marriage, which did last, but it was a mistake. I realize now how I bowed to pressure to fit in.

Monika: How has your experience of love changed since your transition?

Robyn: Love is something I have found difficult. When you grow up a girl inside a male body and are straight, there is no way of adequately expressing love. Loving men gets misinterpreted as gay love; loving women doesn’t feel right. For many years, I tried to delude myself into thinking that the admiration for other women was love. It is only since the transition that I have been able to fall in love. I am now in a wonderfully fulfilling long-term relationship with my boyfriend. It has taken many years for me to truly taste real love and feel the wonder which so many feel as teenagers, but it has been worth the wait. In love, I realize now that you will always put everything else on hold for someone you truly love, no matter how impractical or inconvenient. Coming to that realization has taken so long.

 

Jane and Martin.

 

Monika: What brings you the most joy about living as a woman?

Robyn: How long do you have? I could talk for so long on this topic: shoe shopping, clothes shopping, gossiping with my best friends, girls’ nights out, being able to cry and show emotion without censure, having guys open doors for me, wearing the most gorgeous clothes and makeup, coloring and styling my hair... the list goes on and on. For me personally, being a woman gives me freedom; freedom to be true to myself, to live my life as a whole person, to be recognized for who I really am. Being a woman has given me the wonderful privilege to become a mum to my daughter, who I love so very much.

Monika: Are you engaged in any form of activism, especially when it comes to transgender rights? What has your experience been like?

Robyn: I am politically active in campaigning for LGBT rights. I was a campaigner for marriage equality here in the UK until it became law a short time ago. I have, however, become increasingly concerned about the neglect of trans people when otherwise gay-friendly measures or practices are put into place. A good example of this is the forthcoming law enacting equal marriage in the UK. Trans men and women are still being treated unfairly under the proposed legislation, and there is pressure on the government to make changes.

Monika: In your view, is it realistic to hope that we might one day see a transgender woman become the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom?

Robyn: A year ago I would have definitely said 'no.' Opinions seem to be changing very rapidly, even in mainstream UK society. Awareness of LGBT issues is a good deal higher than even a year ago. With the advent of equal marriage in the UK and the level of debate and support for LGBT issues, I'm beginning to wonder. Could change happen that quickly? I think it could. Probably the biggest barrier, however, is the slow pace of change in giving women in the UK a greater role in politics. That is something that affects us all.

Monika: Beauty pageants can spark debate, especially when it comes to inclusion. What are your thoughts on pageants that celebrate transgender women?

Robyn: I support them. I feel that any event that celebrates the beauty and contribution of trans women is a positive thing. It is gratifying and lovely to see young trans women being celebrated in that way. I have reservations, as a transitioned trans woman, however, about the sort of 'beauty apartheid' that exists surrounding pageants, especially those where there is resistance to trans women taking part.

Monika: What concerns you most about how trans women are treated in mainstream beauty competitions?

Robyn: Trans women are women first and foremost; their feelings and aspirations are like everybody else's. It seems intensely cruel and wrong, for example, to argue that trans women should be excluded from existing beauty pageants and compete only alongside other trans women, almost as though they are some 'second class' of the female personality. I look forward to the day when these distinctions will be a thing of the past. These days I choose to identify myself as trans mainly to show solidarity with my trans sisters and to inspire them. We should never forget, however, that we are women and deserve to be respected as such.

"Bitter Honey" (YouTube)

Monika: Fashion can be a powerful form of self-expression. Do you enjoy it? What kinds of outfits do you feel most confident in? Are there any specific designs, colors, or trends that speak to you?

Robyn: I love fashion, I couldn't live without it! I've always loved dresses... it's an easy way to create a coordinated fashion statement with just the right accessories. On a busy morning, you put on a dress and you're ready for the day, no agonizing over matching tops and bottoms. However, lately, I've come to love the shorts and tights look with ankle boots. It's a great look that you can dress up or down depending on the occasion.

Monika: Are you active within your local LGBT community? What kinds of events or groups are you involved in?

Robyn: Yes, I am, very much so. I am a member of Unique TG, one of the UK's support groups for trans individuals. I have a good circle of friends in the local LGBT community and love taking part in local and regional Pride events.

Monika: Many transgender women choose to share their journeys through memoirs. Have you ever considered writing your own story?

Robyn: Yes, I have. Up to now, I've used my blog to make sense of my life and to share what I've been through with others. What amazed me is how much being public about being transgender inspires and touches others... I could never go stealth for that reason. I'm currently working on taking my blog material and other experiences to edit into a book for publication.

Monika: Looking at where you are now, would you say you’ve found happiness?

Robyn: Without a doubt, yes. When I look back at my life before the transition, there is no comparison. Completing my transition has been like moving from a monochrome life to one in full colors, like coming home. Having GRS last year and finally finding a rewarding relationship with a man, finding love, setting up a new home, and feeling that I have a complete family with myself, my partner, and my daughters has been the best gift a girl could ever wish for. It fulfilled teenage dreams dreamt of long ago, ones that I never imagined would come true. I feel like I won the Trans Lottery. It's the best. I can honestly say that I love my life now.

Monika: Robyn, thank you for the interview!

END OF PART 2

Back to PART 1

 

All photos: courtesy of Robyn-Jane.

© 2014 - Monika Kowalska