Monika: What was the outcome of the audit, and how did you manage to resolve it successfully?
Venus: In the end, I was able to demonstrate to the appeals auditors, with the help of our lawyer, that I had indeed done everything right and acted appropriately as a business with my investments, which caused my losses. They agreed and turned the case around. It was a 100 percent win. No penalties, and my tax status as a working artist remains intact. It was absolutely crazy.
Monika: What lessons did you learn from this experience, and do you think your identity played a role in the initial audit?
Venus: I'm still not sure why I wasn't heard. I had all my documents, receipts, and records in order. Was it because of my being trans? I don't know. The initial auditor did seem terribly accusatory and talked about me being a "big transgender rock star," but it didn’t go further than that, so there was nothing I could specifically point to. Something I learned is that there are times when you do feel powerless. When the massive government engine turns an eye toward you and decides not to listen, you feel helpless. It took hiring a lawyer and $12,000 in legal fees to be heard.
Monika: That must have been incredibly frustrating. How did it feel to finally resolve the case in your favor?
Venus: Extremely frustrating! Still, I'm glad we stood our ground and eventually won. I am so thankful to everyone who believed in us and helped us afford the lawyer. Let me just say thank you to all those who donated. Thank you, thank you!
Monika: How do you view the current situation for transgender women in American society, and what changes have you noticed in recent years?
Venus: I am absolutely stunned at the progress that has been made over the past few years. Of course, there is still massive discrimination, but it is nothing like what I experienced when I came out. Back then, it was so hard. I believe the trans community is well on its way to finally having our voices heard. I think we will actually see changes happen that we could only dream of just a few years ago. It is incredible.
Monika: When did you first begin your transition, and what challenges did you face at the very beginning?
Venus: I was 28 or 29 when I first began to admit to myself that I was trans and started the road to transition. That was in 1988-89. Things were very different back then. I had no direction, no role models, no one to guide me. There was a program at the university here for transitioning, but it was very small and very traditional in its approach. It wasn’t anything I was interested in pursuing.
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| In the basement greenroom of "Bourbon Theater" in Lincoln NE, 2014, while on tour with "Laura Jane Grace & Against Me". Photo by Dan Chick. |
Monika: How did you find medical support for your transition, and what was that process like?
Venus: I found a doctor on my own through my health care facility by calling over and over until someone finally agreed to talk to me. I had to advocate for myself every step of the way. I was finally able to establish a hormone plan, and I have been on it ever since.
Monika: How did your transition affect your relationship with your wife, and how did you navigate it together?
Venus: Lynette and I didn’t want to divorce, which was the usual path back then. I slowed my transition so she could process it and get her head around everything. Remember, there was no one around us. We were completely alone in what we were attempting to do. Staying together was seen as highly unusual. It was incredibly hard, emotionally and physically, every step of the way, but we survived and stayed together.
Monika: During your transition, were there any transgender role models or communities you could look up to for guidance and support?
Venus: No, none. There just weren't any. I eventually discovered the drag queen community, but back then it was also very fractured. There simply wasn't anyone to follow.
Monika: How did you cope with the emotional challenges of coming out, especially when you felt isolated?
Venus: The hardest thing was feeling alone. Really. I mean, we had each other, but when I had a hard day, I just couldn’t explain it in a way that my wife could understand. I felt so alone, but we did what we could to support each other. Eventually, we stumbled into others who were also on the path, and we found a kind of support.
Monika: You and your wife were the subject of the 2004 documentary “Venus of Mars.” How do you feel about the way transgender people have been represented in films, newspapers, and books prior to that documentary?
Venus: A lot of the work before our documentary treated trans people more as subjects, meaning their own voices weren’t really heard. Emily Goldberg, the filmmaker for our documentary, really wanted us to be heard, our voices. She didn’t take the sensational route even though she could have. She let us untangle our arguments in private. One big argument while on tour in New York comes to mind, and in doing that, she gained our trust. We were able to share much more about ourselves than we would have had she jumped in during our disputes. The filming took about four years, and over that time, we became friends with the filmmaker.
Monika: How did participating in the documentary change your experience of telling your story?
Venus: Since then, I think the trans community has begun to be much more vocal in film and books in our own right. We’re telling our own stories.
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| Taken in Duluth MN, 2014. Photo by Paul Whyte. |
Monika: How has media treatment of trans people changed in newspapers over the years?
Venus: Newspapers used to subjugate anything written about a trans person under “News of the Weird” columns. We were made fun of constantly. Now, we are taken seriously. Our community is respected.
Monika: How does it feel to witness this progress during your lifetime?
Venus: This is simply amazing to me. I honestly never imagined I would see this in my lifetime. I had prepared myself to live on the front lines of the gender war forever, and now I can actually relax often, just be, and not feel constantly under attack if I am found out or suspected. It is absolutely incredible.
Monika: Did the documentary reveal biases you hadn’t anticipated, even in major cities like New York?
Venus: When we were the subject of the documentary, we dealt with a lot of bias, and the filmmaker captured some of it, even in places like New York. I don’t think that would happen quite as much now, at least I’ve noticed it has lessened significantly since then.
Monika: Despite the progress, what challenges do transgender people still face today?
Venus: There are still plenty of places with little or no room for us, including many areas in America that can be surprising. For example, the state of Arizona proposed a bill in 2013 that public bathrooms must be used according to birth gender. Trans people who have fully transitioned were still legally bound to use the bathroom corresponding to their birth gender, which was ridiculous. Luckily, it was tabled after strong protest from the trans community and has since died, and now same-sex marriage is legal in Arizona. Overall, I feel we’ve made incredible progress, but you still need to be careful. New challenges seem to appear almost every day, at least on a one-to-one basis. Being out as trans is still a challenge, and you need to have eyes on the back of your head.
Monika: The transgender cause is often represented as part of the broader LGBT community. Do you think transgender people have been able to promote their own issues within this larger group?
Venus: We've always been part of the full community, from the beginning really. But I think we've often been seen as the "Red-Headed Stepchild" of the community, not fully accepted and at times fully rejected. I still see myself as part of the broader community and do what I can to support everyone, but I do think we can now stand on our own and fight our own fights. Maybe the full community will finally recognize how valuable we've always been to the cause.
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| All The Pretty Horses (YouTube) |
Monika: Are you involved in politics or lobbying, and do you think transgender women can make a meaningful difference in this arena?
Venus: Absolutely, we can make a difference in politics. I know a number of trans people who are in politics and have made incredible advancements for us, and they continue to do so. We should all be involved in whatever aspects of politics we can, trans or not, but especially trans people if we want our progress to continue.
Monika: How do you approach fashion in your daily life and performances? Are there specific styles, colors, or trends that inspire you?
Venus: Ha! Well, yes, I do. I tend to lean towards punk, kind of a fetish/rock punk style. A Joan Jett-like style, I guess. I love her look. On occasion, I wear dresses, usually just for more formal events, and then I go toward a goth look, with black as my base color across the board. Everything has to have a bit of an edge, a little black leather, a few studs, that kind of thing. I've just fallen into that style over the years. I love it all, really, and I'm always willing to try different things now and then. My usual starting point is "basic-black-tough-girl-fetish-punk-rock."
Monika: How important is love in your life, and how does it influence your work and well-being?
Venus: I couldn’t do anything without it, really. If it weren’t there, I’d be so angry all the time I’d be blinded. Love gives me time to breathe, see the goodness around me, and see the possibilities.
Monika: Many transgender women write memoirs. Have you considered writing one yourself, and if so, what stage is it at?
Venus: I'm actually writing one now. I started about five years ago and have been collecting stories for some time. I’m finally outlining it, but the “coming-out” story has been told so much that I’m not sure how it’ll come together for me. We’ll see. Expect something in a year or so.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender girls who are struggling with gender dysphoria today?
Venus: Well, this is the best time to come out. Also, remember that all things are possible.
Monika: Venus, thank you so much for sharing your story and insights today.
Venus: Thank YOU, Monika!
END OF PART 2
All the photos: courtesy of Venus de Mars.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska
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