Monika: Many say we’re trapped by the “passing” or “non-passing” syndrome, that no matter how much cosmetic surgery or effort we invest, society judges us relentlessly. How do you personally cope with these pressures and the judgments that come with them?
Victoria: BE yourself! Remember, whether you pass or you’re trying to, no one’s journey is the same! When I was younger, that passing and non-passing bullying was such crap! We are already marginalized by society, so knock it off. It is unfortunate some trans people are marginalized within our own community! We are a diverse, beautiful, and strong community. The most important thing is to find your own confidence and surround yourself with people who celebrate you for who you truly are. Self-love and acceptance are the best armor against judgment.
Monika: How do you view the current reality for transgender women in the United States today? Have things genuinely improved, or is visibility just masking deeper issues?
Victoria: I’m glad that we are more seen today, especially on television. Unfortunately, being seen can bring more violence. We are being killed at an alarming rate, especially our trans women of color. Each year, the number gets higher and higher. Trans women and men break barriers on the big screen; however, on the ground level, it’s not much different than when I was growing up. Until society realizes that trans rights are human rights, and until they learn to just accept us as people, we will continue to be hated, but we will no longer be silent. I say, be loud and be proud! I also believe education is key; when people understand our stories, empathy follows. Change may be slow, but every voice raised chips away at ignorance.
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| "We are a diverse, beautiful, and strong community." |
Monika: You and your twin sister Vivian both came out as transgender women, though at slightly different times. Did your shared experience bring you closer together, and how did you support one another through it all?
Victoria: Vivian came out at nineteen. She saw all the backlash I got in school. I was forced to finish my senior year in continuation school under one condition: I was able to walk in cap and gown with my class as Victoria, and I did it. After I left school, she took the brunt of bullying by other students. When she came out, I supported her 100 percent. We are identical twins, one minute apart! She is my heart and soul. We are so blessed to have each other. Having someone who understands your journey so deeply is rare, and we never take it for granted. Our bond has only grown stronger through every challenge we’ve faced.
Monika: What is your relationship like with your twin sister today? Do you still share the same kind of connection you had growing up?
Victoria: We live together. It’s hard to explain to someone who is not a twin, our bond is something very special. We’ve been through so much together, and that has only deepened our connection. No matter what happens, we always have each other’s back.
Monika: Has your relationship with fashion changed over the years? What styles or designers speak to you now that you’re in a different place in your life?
Victoria: I never used to like fashion. I was too wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself, staring at the end of a bottle. Being sober for almost two years brought back self-love. I love handbags, Michael Kors is my favorite. At 45 years old, I’ve had a little plastic surgery. Doctors are more advanced today when it comes to trans-affirming surgeries. It’s nice to feel good about myself again.
Monika: Has your approach to makeup evolved over the years? Do you enjoy playing with different styles depending on your mood or the occasion?
Victoria: Honey, makeup is my life! I’ve been applying makeup since I was 16. I went through different phases, and I’ve learned now that less is more. However, I sometimes go for a dramatic makeup look for special occasions too. I’m very blessed to have natural beauty. Makeup isn’t just about appearance, it’s therapy, transformation, and joy all in one. It’s amazing how a little eyeliner and confidence can change your whole day.
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| "Today twenty years later, as a sober woman in the recovery field, and attending university... All doors are open." |
Monika: Do compliments on your appearance still make your day, or have they become something you take in stride?
Victoria: What woman does not like being complimented? It makes us feel good about ourselves. I also love to compliment other women because I know it’s hard work, honey. We all put in time and effort to look our best, and a kind word can go a long way. Compliments can turn someone’s whole day around, and they cost nothing!
Monika: Are you actively involved in supporting and uplifting the LGBTQ community where you live? In what ways do you give back or help others in the community?
Victoria: Absolutely! I work in an LGBTQ-specific treatment center. We help people to get sober. I am studying to be a drug and alcohol counselor, and I will specialize in my community. It’s incredibly rewarding to see lives change and people rediscover their worth. Giving back to the community that shaped me is one of my greatest passions.
Monika: How has your understanding of love evolved over the years? What role does love play in your life today, whether romantic, self-love, or love for others?
Victoria: When I was younger, I used to think love was life. I thought it would be so affirming to have a man in my arms all the time. I learned that loving yourself is the most important thing in life. I am single today, but I am available, haha. I've found that when you love yourself fully, the right kind of love from others tends to follow naturally. Love should never cost you your identity or your peace.
Monika: So many transgender women choose to share their journeys through memoirs. Have you ever considered telling your story in a book, something that captures the highs, the lows, and everything in between?
Victoria: Oh yes, I was a famous porn star in the very early ’90s. My twin sister and I went by the names of Gina and Geneva. There are many stories to tell and a few books to write. I will get to it for sure.
Monika: What are you currently working toward, and where do you envision yourself in the next five to seven years?
Victoria: My next step is to finish school and become a drug and alcohol counselor. I have learned that I am not my past mistakes. I am very lucky that I made it out of drug and alcohol abuse and that I can now work in recovery. It plagues our community because of the pain we go through. In five years, I see myself running my own practice, and writing those books you're encouraging me to, Monika. I also hope to mentor young trans women who are struggling, offering them the guidance I once needed. Helping others find their light has become the purpose that fuels my journey.
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| "We are people, we are souls, and we have dreams." |
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender women who feel scared or uncertain about beginning their transition journey?
VVictoria: Don’t ever be afraid to be you. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Most of all, enjoy your transition. It’s a personal and beautiful process, not a race. Take time to celebrate the little milestones, they matter more than you think.
Monika: A dear pen friend of mine, Gina Grahame once said something truly powerful: we shouldn’t limit our potential because of how we were born or by comparing ourselves to what other transgender people are doing. She added that our dreams shouldn’t end on the operating table, that’s actually where they begin. Do you feel the same way?
Victoria: Absolutely! We are people, we are souls, and we have dreams. Don’t let anyone put limitations on who you can be or what you can achieve. Transitioning is just the beginning, it’s the launchpad for living your truth. You have every right to chase your dreams, unapologetically and boldly.
Monika: Victoria, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
Victoria: Thank you very much Monika for interviewing me. The pleasure is all mine.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Victoria Rubio.
© 2021 - Monika Kowalska
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