Monika: You do not avoid talking about sex. I wonder why this topic is so often neglected. We have the same needs as cis women but it seems it is a kind of taboo.
JaiLynn: It seems taboo because trans women are often sexualized and seen as taboo, so speaking about our sexuality can also be seen as taboo and that’s the exact reason why I speak about sex the way that I do. My goal is to normalize it. We are all human beings and our bodies are so much more alike than not and my hope is that we can grow to see ourselves in each other and realize how much we as women have in common. Sex is a wonderful part of life and we need to be able to share with each other more, especially when it comes to matters of the heart and intimacy.
Monika: What is your view on transphobia against women of color? It is so heartbreaking to read about all those acts of violence.
JaiLynn: I am a trans woman of color, and I’ve always sought to bring more attention to this issue but here in the US, people of color are viewed in a negative way at times and our stories don’t tend to carry as much merit or seem to get the exposure they deserve. It’s frustrating and it infuriates me to see bland stories take up air time while my sisters keep dying.
I recently filmed a short documentary called To Whom It May Concern (available on my YouTube channel) that’s dedicated to all of the women we lost to violence in hopes of bringing awareness to the problem but until we all as human beings truly address the issues of racism, privilege and toxic masculinity, this will unfortunately continue. I will continue to use my platform to bring awareness to the issue and I pray we all (trans folk and allies alike) will do the same until trans women of color stop being killed once and for all!
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| Available via YouTube. |
Monika: On your vlog, you also shared your experience with FFS. What expectations did you have when you decided to undergo this operation?
JaiLynn: My expectations have been met in that I wanted to soften the effects of testosterone and bring more attention to the femininity of my features that were already there. My doctor, Bella Avanessian, did a fantastic job at bringing the subtle feminine essence of me to the forefront in a soft and natural way where I feel much more comfortable in my skin!
Monika: When we contemplate a facial feminization surgery we always face two options: to undergo extremely deep changes to be feminine and beautiful or light changes to be feminine but preserve something from our character. Is there any third option?
JaiLynn: Each surgeon approaches it in their own way. My surgeon and I came up with a plan together that worked for us. I originally decided to go subtle with just a few changes but I thought on it hard and knew that this was my chance to truly see my dreams fulfilled so on the day of I told her to do her absolute best, even if she had to go a bit more intense while still giving a natural appearance, and she did just that. She went a bit more intense with my nose and lifted my lips and I couldn’t be happier with the results. I guess you and your doctor have to do what works for you.
Monika: In your Vagina Bible post, you were very emotional about the incoming GRS...
JaiLynn: It’s the end of a long journey so of course, the emotions are extremely raw. I am in a place that I could have never dreamed of 20 years ago and it’s almost unbelievable that I made it and I am doing it the right way. The thought of total body alignment is both exciting and surreal and I’m humbled and thankful beyond belief for a chance to live my life completely mind, body and soul. The universe is smiling on me and I have a sense of gratitude and completion that I pray every person on the planet can experience for themselves! 2 days ago, my dreams were fully realized, so my life can truly begin.
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"The thought of total body alignment is both exciting and surreal." |
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
JaiLynn: Love is one of the most important energies in the world. I learned many years ago that love is not a noun, but a verb. It’s not about the word, it’s about the action. I do my best to include love in everything that I do and hope for the same in return.
My mother and aunt's love are very important to me and the love of friends means everything. My hope is to find it in a special relationship with a significant other as well, and things are looking good so far. “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else” - RuPaul. So I had to learn to love me first! That’s the greatest feeling in the universe.
Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
JaiLynn: I have. It’s one of the reasons I started my YouTube channel. I wanted to document my experiences so yes, I’d love to write a memoir one day.
Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?
JaiLynn: I had my GRS/SRS 2 days ago, so that will be taking up a huge portion of my near future, and I see myself hopefully married, with a beautiful home and fulfilling life as I’ll be 50 in 7 years so I’ll be traveling, having amazing experiences and living the best life possible.
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender women that are afraid of transition?
JaiLynn: What I would recommend is a great deal of soul searching. Look deep within and be patient with yourself and the answer will reveal itself. Ask yourself if you truly need this in order to live your best life. If this is something you need and believe in wholeheartedly, then fear will not be able to hold you back because fear is the killer of dreams.
Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
JaiLynn: I do. My dreams began the moment I woke up from my first procedure and the world of possibilities opened up like never before. I had no idea what life had in store for me, all I had to do was trust that life would not let me down. And I was right! I took advice from other transgender women, but I did what works for me and I made my own transition story, and it’s been beautiful.
Monika: JaiLynn, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
JaiLynn: Thank you! It’s been an absolute joy, and I wish you love and light!
END OF PART 2
All the photos: courtesy of JaiLynn Joanna Desvignes.
All photos taken by: Dennis Madigan.
© 2021 - Monika Kowalska
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