Monika: You have been blessed with the look of an attractive woman. Do you think it has helped you to live with MGD?
Lianne: Thanks. I would turn that around a bit. My condition gave me micrognathia—a small jaw, which resulted in more female-typical facial proportions. Or, as you would say, ‘the look of an attractive woman.’ Being tiny and frail as a child had a profound effect on my personality.
My lack of sexual development meant no muscles or hair or deep voice. So I never experienced some of the physical things boys do. I was the one nobody wanted on their team. The one who threw like a girl. Sounded like a girl. Looked like a girl. Yes, my condition, and the things I experienced as a result of it, made living as a girl easier.
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Lianne: I would never tell anyone that marriage is easy. It requires submission to another person’s will, a readiness to forgive, and a whole lot of work. But in my experience, the intimacy you can share is much, much better than being alone. Love requires tenderness more than passion. Especially as you age.
Monika: How did you explain to your husband the facts that you were an intersex person?
Lianne: My husband and I were introduced by a pastor from New York who was also a Jewish shadchan (matchmaker). We spent hours and hours on the phone, talking and praying. Each time I shared something personal, he reacted in a positive manner. So I wrote him a long e-mail in which I told him about my condition and my history. He called me and said he’d cried when he read it. I started looking at wedding dresses the next day. About a week later, he proposed, and within two months of our first telephone conversation, we got married. That was fourteen years ago.
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| With her dog. |
Monika: What do you think about the present situation of intersex people in American society?
Lianne: We’re more visible now, but I’m not sure how much treatment has changed. A team approach has become more popular, but too many babies still undergo forced sex assignment surgeries. People in the older generations still suffer from shame brought on by their treatment. And, for adults, proper medical treatment is difficult to find.
Relatively few of us are open about our conditions. How many public figures do you know—aside from a few activists—who are intersex? Actors? Politicians? A few female athletes perhaps, because sports are still so anal about a woman’s testosterone levels.
When I talk to people about intersex conditions, the reaction is much more subdued than when I tell them I’m intersex. It’s one thing to know that, somewhere in the world, there’s a hermaphrodite, and quite another to have one standing in front of you. We are still exceedingly rare in people’s experience, almost to the point of being mythical.
Monika: Is there any research going on to solve the MGD problems?
Lianne: There’s quite a bit of medical research into Disorders of Sex Development, much of it that still treats these conditions as problems in need of solutions. I’m not aware of any MGD-specific studies being performed.
Monika: What do you think about intersex stories or characters which have been featured in films, newspapers, or books so far?
Lianne: The main issue I have with fictional accounts of intersex characters is their lack of grounding in reality. Intersex isn’t caused by incest. An intersex person cannot get themselves pregnant. And we aren’t both sexes—we’re between. There is only one bit of flesh that becomes a clitoris or a penis or something in between.
Many intersex conditions don’t involve genital ambiguity. Most aren’t androgynes—they live as typical men or women. For those of us who change our legal sex, it’s not usually due to strong gender dysphoria. Most of the time, you won’t even know that the person with whom you’re speaking has an intersex condition. There’s really no reason to sensationalize intersex.
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| At her wedding. |
Monika: You emphasize the role of religion in your life…
Lianne: I emphasize the role of Jesus Christ in my life and of the need for Christians to gather together for worship and community. My duty as a Christian is to love—especially those I might be tempted to consider my enemies. We’ve all messed up, so we’re all in need of a savior. Love points the way to him.
Monika: Are you active in politics? Do you participate in any lobbying campaigns?
Lianne: I am much more into support group work than activism. Although I speak to small groups, most of my lobbying is with individuals.
I did a video for The Interface Project, whose motto is “Nobody is shameful.” I’ve spent quite a bit of time chatting with the parents of intersex children and am happy to have them contact me at liannesimon at yahoo dot com.
Dr. Michael Kreuzer and I are hoping to make a presentation about intersex at this year’s Southern Comfort Conference.
Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?
Lianne: I’d like to finish my second novel soon and find an agent to represent me. Then I can return to my heart genre, which is fantasy. If my husband retires, perhaps we’ll finally take that trip to Scotland. My Kirkpatrick ancestors are from Kirkgunzeon. They were ‘thought to be faie,’ which is an old word for enchanted.
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| With her husband at a friend’s home. |
Monika: What would you recommend to all people struggling with an intersex condition like MGD?
Lianne: I spent quite a bit of my life wanting to be male—or female—and ashamed that I wasn’t. Well, guess, what? I never will be. I didn’t have a typical childhood. A genetic difference altered my sex development, set the shape of my face, made me frail, and kept me from learning sports or dance.
My puberty came out of a bottle. I had surgery to allow vaginal intercourse. But I’ve also learned to be content with the body God gave me and to fight for proper treatment by my doctors. I’m unique. That’s okay. It doesn’t have to be the black hole around which the rest of my life revolves.
The first time I met someone else with my condition was awesome. I discovered that they were pretty much just an ordinary person. So maybe I wasn’t a freak or a monster after all. A few days later it occurred to me that they were also real. So was my condition. About time to accept that.
Monika: Lianne, thank you for the interview!
Lianne: Thank you!
END OF PART 2
All the photos: courtesy of Lianne Simon.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska
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