Interview with Margaux Ayn Schaffer - Part 2

Monika: OMG. Did the doctor come quickly?

Margaux: In minutes – which seemed like hours – Dr. Seghers was at the bedside. Without any preparation, he removed my bandages exposing the bleeders, and began re-suturing my labia. He applied extreme pressure to stop bleeding. I saw a nurse with a spray of arterial blood on her uniform. Dr. Seghers used heavy “0 silk” sutures to stop the bleeding. The voices became fainter. I thought I was going to die – and then I passed out. This is difficult to talk about, but I felt a very personal deep spiritual experience.

The only thing bringing me back was severe pain. Dr. Seghers kept speaking to me as he tugged at my sutures. “I want you to be perfect.” I wasn’t amused as I cursed him for the pain. “That’s why I’m over here, where you can’t reach me.” He knew I would have hit him if I could. Finally, he stabilized my bleeding. In a state of semi-consciousness, unclear whether I was living, dying, or hallucinating, my life really did seem to pass before my eyes, only to give way to a sense of serenity. Then everything went black again.

(Left) - Synth noodling at an undisclosed location.
(Right) - Demonstrating Virtual Reality at the H+ symposium.

The next morning I woke up in the hospital bed, and all I could think of was how badly my back itched. I had broken out in hives – perhaps an antibiotic allergy. My surgical complications had already receded in my memory. At that point, Dr. Seghers appeared at my bedside and cheerfully said, “Good morning, Mrs. Schaffer. Today it is President Clinton.” I had forgotten about Election Day.

Monika: How was your recovery?

Margaux: Due to my complications, I extended my stay for ten days. Having been discharged from the hospital, I felt better and was able to explore Brussels a little; but I still had my urinary catheter. He removed it on my postoperative visit and instructed me not to urinate till I was back at my hotel. However, I could not urinate at all. A taxi driver in a small Alfa Romeo picked me up to take me over bumpy roads to Dr. Seghers’s home office, where I was met by Mrs. Seghers at the door holding a bucket (not knowing what to expect). Dr. Seghers reinserted a catheter and instructed me to wear the catheter home since he didn’t want me to have an emergency on an international flight.

Modeling a synth shirt.

So I finally flew home. Due to heightened security (an EU summit in Brussels) I had extra airport screening, but I managed to get an upgrade to first class. My roommates met me at the airport, and I was able to see a local Atlanta doctor to have my catheter and remaining stitches removed. Getting back to the routine of life after surgery, I had the sworn statement from my surgeon which enabled me to get my legal documents changed to the correct gender. I was so happy to have the surgery completed and to have survived. I felt Complete!

Monika: For a couple of years you have been keeping rather a low profile …

Margaux: (laughter) I’ve never been described that way before, but I understand you’re alluding to my hiatus from activism, albeit short-lived. I moved to Phoenix in 1994 shortly after getting my driver’s license and doing a road trip with my friend and roommate, Becky; she had only taught me to drive just weeks before we drove cross-country to start anew.

Upon relocating we found ourselves slowly drawn back into activism purely out of the necessity of an utter paucity of services and outreach in the area. Having worked for an internet service provider, I became cognizant that there was a real need for education on the world wide web since most search engines only showed results that were pornographic when researching ‘transsexual’ or ‘sex change’ needless to say, it was the dark ages.

Standing in front of the Pyramid
of Djoser. Cairo, Egypt 2008

This presented a unique opportunity for outreach, so almost impulsively, I registered a number of internet domains, one of which was for drbecky.com; and the rest is history! I encouraged Becky to begin journaling, having previously done that for myself; I considered it quite helpful. She put her story online and we both began to network and meet others.

So looking back, it wasn’t as much about a lower profile as much as a bigger canvas; we were both branching out, mentoring and helping others. It’s hard putting the genie back into the bottle! Before we knew it we were all in once again, VDAY, The Vagina Monologues, vigils, lectures, setting up booths at PRIDE and RAINBOWS. My activism wasn’t only confined to transgender causes, I’ve branched into other areas such as transhumanism, culture jamming, and broader social justice.

Monika: I remember your official appearances when you were talking about a right representation of transgender women in the media, that you can be articulate, attractive, and transgender, too…

Margaux: I think there’s been some progress over time, once you get past the sheer novelty and sensationalism of things like the treatment aspects, we finally have the chance to delve deeper past the same rehash and explore the diversity of today's emerging voices; modern narratives are transcending traditional stereotypes and past biases which have served to inspire and motivate a new generation of firebrands. Today the focus needs to be elevated further, so much is at stake, safety, access to healthcare, economic disparities; we have come so far and we have only just begun.

(Left) - Performing in The Vagina Monologs at VDAY 2004 at Pacific Design Center.
(Right) - VDAY Poster.

Monika: Few people are aware of your role in designing graphics that were later adopted and to be known as the "Transgender Pride Flag." Can you share the history of this flag? 

Margaux: That’s a controversial question, I think I should first digress and clarify for historical purposes some context, back when I transitioned, there was not anything resembling a movement. It was the late 1980s and there was no fixed social identity or even a community that resembles what we have today, I had become aware of the Rainbow Banner and the conceptual foundations that brought it about as a universal symbol of pride, yet outside of the gay/lesbian community; transsexuals and members of the (then self-identified) straight crossdressing groups were fragmented and never the tween shall meet.

There was a clear division between people on a medically supervised track of transition and drag queens who identified as gay and heterosexually identified crossdressers who were distancing themselves from transsexuals and gays. While involved in my first support group, the idea occurred to me that there was no iconic symbol that represented transsexuals, in all fairness there were only adaptations of the pink triangle which incorporated varied use of the male and female symbols, ying and yang and various other permutations; all of which were unattractive and unprofessional.

At the wheel, 2016.

Given the stigma of the pink triangle, I felt it prudent to develop some sort of visual expression of transsexual identity at a time before LGBT had become part of the vernacular. I should also add that the word transgender hadn’t yet been appropriated as an umbrella term.

I decided to flesh out some visual concepts. First in Prismacolor, then in Pantone color paper, then I developed a design brief and legend that presented multiple proposals for an emblem that would represent our social identity while appearing non-sexual; the idea was to convey transition/change/continuity in an easily reproducible format.

I decided to make a presentation to varied people who were in my circle of peers, despite my intentions and credentials the idea was summarily rejected! People did NOT want to be identified as a ‘movement.’ It was a dramatic paradigm shift that many lacked the prescience of mind to seriously consider. Despite multiple proposals, different modalities, and PMS color variations which closely resembled a number of later designs that have become adopted, my role in the early visualization of the concept went the way of the dodo bird. Que Sera, Sera.

I know that’s probably going to create some controversy, but keep in mind I never made formal claims of authorship on the grounds that the idea was rejected many years before I started to notice people incorporating the design, albeit not precisely the same exact shades of blue and pink; sometimes having white or grey.

Rescuing a tarantula crossing the road. Sedona, Arizona 1994.

I really didn’t think much about it except that it was happening organically and I rationalized that it WAS an inevitable design and fairly universal; I was seeing all four modalities of ideas I had previous shown slowly being incorporated in such a way in graphics and banners that it had taken on a life of its own even before I saw an actual flag over a decade later.
I’ve never seriously tried to assert any ownership on the grounds that by the time I became cognizant that the flag was codified as a transgender flag, despite its earlier proposal as something completely different, I just shrugged it off as what happens when things become divergent enough that once discovered, it’s just too complicated to pursue historical purposes and it’s time to move on.

END OF PART 2

PART 3

 

All the photos: courtesy of Margaux Ayn Schaffer.

© 2017 - Monika Kowalska