Monika: Many of us feel the pressure to “pass” as women, and even after surgeries, society keeps judging us. How do you personally deal with the outside world’s expectations?
Robyn: “Passing” is such a fraught subject in the trans community, yet it’s undeniable an issue for many folks. As a trial lawyer, I’m in a profession where, even for cis folks, appearances matter. How you look, how you act, the confidence you project, are all essential tools of my trade. Not only in the courtroom, but in convincing clients that you’re the right person to handle whatever legal issue they have. So as painful as it is for me to say this, passing for me was essential. I lived part-time as Robyn for about nine months before I fully transitioned. During those nine months, even though people knew I was transitioning, I never once appeared as Robyn in my role as a lawyer until after I had FFS. I remember when I was leaving the office before I had my FFS, I stopped at the office of one of my female law partners and asked her, “How do you think it will be when I come back?” She looked at me and said, “If you come back and look like a guy in drag, it’s not going to be good. But, if you come back and you look like a woman, it’ll be fine.” Then she smiled at me and said, “Welcome to our world. It’s all about how you look.”
One of the many privileges I have is that I do blend in as a woman. I’m not tall, 5’5”, have all my hair, and was fortunate enough that I could afford FFS. So, while I don’t want this to sound as obnoxious as it might, I rarely think about passing or people’s expectations. I’m also older, so at my age, women, even cis women, become invisible. No one looks twice at an older woman. The only time I ever cringe a bit is when I listen to an interview. I don’t have a soft, lilting, feminine voice. It’s neutral enough, but still a little raspy.
Monika: What are your thoughts on the current situation for transgender women in your country?
Robyn: It’s horrible. The way politicians have politicized trans issues and made trans people the cause of everything wrong in this country is disgusting. Trans people can no longer get a passport with the correct gender marker or serve in the military. There are approximately twenty-seven states that do not allow trans kids to get gender affirming healthcare; play sports; use bathrooms in schools in accordance with their gender identity; and in some states, teachers are required to ‘out’ students to their parents.
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Monika: I remember the time right after my transition, it was pure euphoria. My closet is still full of dresses and shoes that I literally bought by the dozens back then, and I must have tried on hundreds. I felt like I had to make up for all those years that were taken from me. Did you feel the same way?
Robyn: I did buy a lot of clothes when I transitioned, but more out of necessity. It was 2009, so people were still going to the office every day (not working remotely) and, as a lawyer, I was expected to be dressed professionally—business suits, dresses, heels, etc. So, yes, I went on a shopping spree, but it was to come up with a wardrobe to go work in. I’m not saying I didn’t have fun, but what I was buying tended to be expensive, and since none of my medical transition was covered by insurance, I was on a budget. I also think that because I was in my mid-fifties, and wasn’t really interested in going out to bars or clubs, I didn’t spend a lot on my after-work wardrobe. I was, and am, your basic slacks, jeans and sweaters kind of person outside the office.
Monika: How would you describe your personal style? Do you follow any specific fashion trends, or do you have go-to outfits that make you feel confident?
Robyn: I’ve never been much of a fashionista so I’m not sure I have a personal style. Up until Covid, I needed business attire for my professional life—so I always have a lot of classic suits, dresses with jackets etc. Post Covid, unless I’m going to court or meeting with clients, everything is business casual—black slacks, sweaters, tops—nothing fancy. The rest of my life is pretty much spent in jeans.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks? Do you find it easy to accept compliments, or do you struggle with believing them?
Robyn: Not a problem I have. Other than someone telling me I don’t look seventy-three, which I appreciate, I don’t get complimented on my looks.
Monika: Did you ever feel pressure to meet a certain ideal of femininity, like I did by trying to look like the women around me?
Robyn: In the sense that it was important for me to blend in, I guess I did in some ways. But one of the disadvantages of transitioning later in life is that estrogen was never going to give me a classic feminine shape. I’ve always been athletic, and I still try to run four miles every other day, so, while I blend, I’m not the picture of femininity. But the good thing about being a woman is that there is no one size fits all, and I feel like I found what comes natural to me.
Monika: What was the most surprising part of your transition, something you never expected, whether good or bad?
Robyn: I think what surprised me the most was how easy it was. By that I mean, by the time I transitioned I had lived fifty-five years in my sex assigned at birth. Obviously, I was never socialized as a female, so I had very different lived experiences from the cis women I knew. And yet, being a woman just seemed to come so naturally for me. I remember at one point, probably about two years after I transitioned, I was talking to my secretary, who at that point had worked with me for twenty years, and she said, “It’s like you’ve always been this way (a woman). I can’t even remember what you were like before.” I have to admit that made me feel wonderful.
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Robyn: I live alone, so yes, there are certainly times when I feel lonely. As strange as it sounds to people, especially since we haven’t lived together in eighteen years, I’m still in love with the woman I married fifty years ago. So, I miss that intimacy. Fortunately, between practicing law, writing my books and my advocacy work, I’m usually busy. I also have children and grandchildren who all live nearby, so I really enjoy spending time with them.
Monika: Many trans women are writing their memoirs these days. Have you ever thought about writing your own book, and if so, what would its central message be?
Robyn: No. I will never write a memoir. I respect my family’s privacy too much to ever do that. My memoir could only tell the story from my point of view and that’s unfair to the people I love because they may have experienced things very differently. On top of that, other than being trans, my life is pretty boring.
Monika: Finally, what’s next for Robyn? What dreams and goals are you working toward now?
Robyn: As I mentioned, I have a new book coming out in August. Not sure if that will become a series or not, but that’s a possibility. At some point, hopefully in the not too distant future, I’d like to take a step back from the practice of law and spend more time writing. Given where we are in this country, I don’t think I’ll have the luxury of curtailing my advocacy work, but, in many ways, my writing and advocacy go hand in hand. So, I’m hoping to write more and continue to fight for trans rights. As for my dreams—I’m living them right now.
Monika: Robyn, thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights.
Robyn: Thank you, Monika. It’s been an honor and a pleasure to be part of The Heroines of My Life. I truly appreciate all the hard work you put into your site. The interviews of trans women that you have assembled are truly amazing. Congratulations on what you’ve accomplished.
END OF PART 3
All photos: courtesy of Robyn Gigl.
© 2026 - Monika Kowalska
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