Monika: That sounds like a real challenge. When fashion does bring you joy, what styles or pieces make you feel most like yourself?
Roxanne: I have been known as a ‘fashion plate’, always classy. I was never a clubbing gal or into fetish or fantasy dressing. My goal has always been to be well-dressed on every occasion. My only addiction is shoes. OMG, the shoes…
Monika: In recent years, medical and cosmetic advancements have offered trans women more options than ever before. Do you think these developments have helped ease the pressures around appearance and acceptance?
Roxanne: "Passing," which has a connotation from racial history (one could "pass oneself off as white" instead of being "colored"), is becoming an archaic term. Also, passing has the unfortunate meaning of a “grade or score,” with the opposite value of “failing.” "Blending in" or "fitting in" is used more often in our community. The ability to make increasingly better and healthier body alterations is an amazing technological advance.
Monika: While these options are empowering for many, do you think there's also a risk in placing too much value on physical changes?
Roxanne: The problem is we can fool ourselves into believing our bodies define our selfhood. If it did not before we have a procedure, how does it once we do? This is a very touchy subject. For some, the body dysphoria is so severe that unless it is dealt with, the results can be lethal depressive episodes leading to thoughts of and acts of suicide. But for others, the ability to alter the body leads to an endless pursuit of perfection. Money becomes the issue for most.
Monika: How do you feel about transgender beauty pageants? Do you think they offer empowerment, or do they reinforce unrealistic expectations?
Roxanne: I think they are as relevant as cisgender beauty pageants… filled with mixed messages, difficult body issue discussions, objectification of women, and very real affirmation potential. No easy answers. I needed to see them early in the transition to understand the full range of possibilities. Reality sets in pretty quickly if you are over 50 when beginning this journey.
Monika: Many transgender women choose to write memoirs to document their journeys. Have you ever considered sharing your story in book form?
Roxanne: I have been writing a novel for some time, and it does have autobiographical segments. It is currently half done and sitting there unfinished…
Monika: What role has love played in your journey, especially when navigating transition within a long-term relationship?
Roxanne: Essential, critical, and fundamental to life. My spouse is my best friend forever. We have known each other for 48 years, married for 43, and came out 27 years into our marriage. I could not imagine being without her love.
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| At home after Kennedy Center show 2010. |
Monika: Are there any new projects or initiatives you're passionate about right now, whether in activism or community work?
Roxanne: As an architect, I’m working on projects all the time, but I don’t think that’s what you mean… LOL.
My activism has taken on new intensity with the awful events of our past presidential election surging its destruction through our community.
Monika: How are you channeling that renewed intensity into your current activism?
Roxanne: We are co-facilitators of a large local support group. It is growing into many areas now, for adults in transition, for parents of trans children from 11–18+, for spouses of trans folk, and playgroups for trans children from 5–10.
We do advocacy, teaching seminars, and develop programs for public and private entities to help them understand and support trans folk in all aspects of social interaction, workplace, and worship space issues.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender women who are currently grappling with gender dysphoria?
Roxanne: GET A THERAPIST!!! Advice I did not take at the beginning and paid dearly for it.
Monika: A friend of mine, Gina Grahame, once said that we shouldn’t limit our potential because of how we were born or what we see other transgender people doing. According to her, our dreams shouldn’t end on the operating table, that’s where they begin. What are your thoughts on this idea?
Roxanne: I’ve chatted with Gina online. She is a great person! I agree. Surgery is an optional train stop on the transition journey. Our life goal is not to be in a state of perpetual and never-ending transitions, but to live fully at every point in our life.
Monika: How do you view the broader process of personal transformation beyond just the physical aspect?
Roxanne: My favorite quote is from Simone de Beauvoir: “One is not born a woman, but rather becomes one.” The truth is, we all are in transition as human beings. From infancy to death, we experience change all along the way. Ours is one of daunting proportions because it is layered on top of every other change, the acts and transformations of aging, education, career, relationships, family. The specifics of these changes are ours to live within and to express with joy if we can.
Monika: Roxanne, thank you for the interview!
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Roxanne Edwards.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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