Christina Warburton is an American transgender woman, video blogger, musician and transgender advocate. Born in Liverpool, England, she moved to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, at the age of 10. She worked for a landscaping company and was the mother of three children. Christina began questioning her gender identity in childhood and more consciously during puberty. She experienced severe bullying and physical violence at school, including an assault that resulted in a concussion, as well as mistreatment by teachers at her Catholic school. She documented her gender transition on YouTube, both as a personal journal and to encourage other transgender people, particularly those transitioning later in life or with limited financial resources. She underwent hormone replacement therapy and had legally changed her name and gender marker, with plans to transition full-time.
Christina was involved in transgender advocacy and volunteer work in Pennsylvania, including supporting transgender youth. She cited Kristin Beck, Brooke Addison and musician Mina Caputo as transgender role models. A bassist since high school, Warburton was also associated with the band Disillusioned Purity and described herself as an avid video gamer and technology enthusiast. She advocated greater visibility and equality for transgender people and spoke openly about discrimination and the challenges of being transgender in American society.
Monika: I'm delighted to introduce Christina Warburton, a young American video blogger who has been documenting her transition on YouTube. Welcome, Christina!
Christina: Hello Monika, it's a privilege to speak with you today. I feel very honored to be looked at as an idol.
Monika: Could you tell readers a bit about yourself?
Christina: Sure, I was born in Liverpool, England, and moved to Philadelphia, PA when I was 10 years old. As for me currently, I'm a 35-year-old MTF who is a proud parent of three children. I'm really no one special, just an average blue-collar worker who works for a landscaping company.
I pay my taxes, pay my bills, go to work every day, and do the same things as everyone else, despite what some people would tend to try to make everyone believe. I'm also a musician, I've been playing bass since high school, and I'm an avid video gamer and general techie.
Monika: What made you decide to share the details of your transition on YouTube?
Christina: I had several reasons for doing this. The first was to show my progress, to keep a journal of my journey. My other main reason, and probably the more important one, was to perform a service in several respects. As I said, I'm no one special, and many people's transition videos I'd seen in the past had inspired me and helped me realize that even in my financial situation, I could transition and be happy.
Monika: Did watching other people's transition videos shape how you approached sharing your own?
Christina: I wanted my videos to be an inspiration to people in the same situation. If it wasn't for the other videos on YouTube, I honestly can't say I would have ever had the courage to transition. I remember when I first started coming out, looking through transition videos, and unfortunately, most of the ones I found were people who transitioned a lot younger than I was at the time. There weren't too many middle-aged people out there putting themselves and their transitions into the public eye.
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| At the Philadelphia Trans* Health Conference 2013. |
Monika: What's the bigger picture you hope your visibility contributes to?
Christina: I think the last reason is that the Trans* community needs exposure as much as possible if we're ever to be seen as equals in the societies we live in, and the only way we'll ever get to that point is by putting ourselves out there. In reality, the more Trans* people who put themselves out like that, the more people may one day see that the stereotypes about Trans* people are wrong, and that we're normal people who just want to live our lives and be happy, just like everyone else.
Monika: Where are you at in your transition right now?
Christina: I'm about 9 months on HRT, on both estrogen and anti-androgens. I'm not full-time as of yet, although I'm working to get to that point by mid-next year. The main reason for that is my work situation.
In all honesty, if I could go full-time tomorrow, I would in a heartbeat. But with my current job, transition isn't an option. So it comes down to money or being happy. I do have a family to help support, and transition costs money, in fact, everything costs money, so while I'm well on my path to happiness, I try to be smart about every move I make and accept a few temporary sacrifices to advance in my transition.
Monika: Are you happy with how hormone therapy has been working for you?
Christina: I am. I think, if anything, I'm a little ahead of the curve on the standard HRT timeline. I've had really good results, I feel, in physical development, decent breast development, nice hip development, and facial changes. In fact, I find it harder and harder to pass as male when I'm in guy mode, though I still have quite a ways to go before I see the final result of hormones, which I really can't wait to see.
As far as emotional changes, there have been a few. I'm generally a lot calmer than before, and I cry very easily, but the greatest change is that I can actually smile now, not like before HRT, when I had to force a smile.
Monika: Can you walk me through your childhood? When did you first sense that you weren't meant to be a boy?
Christina: I originally thought I was about 14, around the time I was hitting puberty. I remember feeling so out of place as I developed and became more masculine, like something was wrong with me. However, I've realized more recently that these feelings go far back, pretty much as far as I remember. I recall being in a playgroup and trying to play with the dolls, making little dresses for my action figures out of tin foil.
I also remember hiding this from the public even at a young age while being repulsed by anything feminine. I remember being 8 years old when my mom gave me a Minnie Mouse glass, and I refused to drink out of it. I also remember refusing to ride a girl's style bike a few times. Even back then I knew, though I didn't know. I even remember wanting to ride that bike, but I was afraid of what everyone would think, of being found out. I just didn't know at that time who I truly was.
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| Promo shot for Christina's band, Disillusioned Purity. |
Monika: School years are often the hardest for transgender girls, filled with discrimination at school, college, or university. Did that ring true for you as well?
Christina: I was severely bullied during school. I was always different from everyone else. I put on an act to try to fit in, even early on in my school career, which, even if my parents had been understanding, would have prohibited me from coming out.
If people had known who I really was, I'd have been beaten up even worse than I already was, to the point of having a concussion, knocked out in a hallway once while walking to class, and having my head forced into a toilet bowl as they flushed it repeatedly.
However, the bullying didn't stop with the students. I had issues with teachers as well. They would single me out at my Catholic school, telling me I was in league with the devil. The nuns told me I was going to burn in hell, gave me six hours of detention one day, and my math teacher even smashed my calculator and laughed about it. My school life was really a living hell.
Monika: Do you have any transgender role models you look up to?
Christina: Kristin Beck would be one, mainly because her coming out publicly was a great thing for the Trans* community. She's a national hero who came out as trans. You can't put a negative spin on that.
I also follow Brooke Addison, because she's very inspirational and just a great person, and Mina Caputo. Mina may not be as famous as the others, but she used to be the lead singer of the band Life of Agony before she came out as trans, and I loved their music. Now she does solo work and is super talented.
Monika: What was the toughest part of coming out?
Christina: Telling people I care about. There's a very real chance that everyone you tell will walk out of your life forever, and every time I came out to someone I cared about, I think my heart was pounding through my chest.
I won't lie and say my coming out has been painless, because it hasn't. I lost my wife in the capacity of being my significant other. However, we've remained friends, though it's very hard for her to deal with.
The hardest is yet to come, and that's telling my parents. There are reasons I can't tell them right now, but it will happen, and I can only imagine that when I do, it will be the last time I talk to them…
Monika: How would you describe the overall situation for transgender women in American society today?
Christina: Our present situation isn't a great one at this point. It's very easy for a Trans* person to be discriminated against, very few states actually have laws that protect the rights of Trans* people, and that's very saddening and distressing.
I feel Trans* people are, for the most part, treated like lesser citizens, as though we don't deserve the same rights as everyone else.
In fact, being Trans* and out at times can be very, very dangerous. There's a certain amount of ignorance toward Trans* people, and with ignorance comes ignorant people, which can create very dangerous, if not deadly, situations for us.
So we have a very long way to go, I believe. However, once we obtain true equality, the day when a Trans* person no longer has to live in fear, we'll see so many more people come out and pursue their happiness.
Monika: More transgender women are stepping into the public eye these days, some reaching real recognition. Think of Lana Wachowski in film-directing, Jenna Talackova in modeling, Kate Bornstein in academic life, Laura Jane Grace in music, or Candis Cayne in acting. Do you expect that list to keep growing?
Christina: Absolutely. As Trans* people become more and more visible in the public eye, and being Trans* becomes more accepted in society, more famous Trans* people will come out. A lot of Trans* people live in fear and aren't ready to risk everything to be themselves.
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| Christina and her daughter at a wedding in Delaware. |
Monika: Could you imagine living to see a transgender woman become President of the United States?
Christina: I don't believe it will happen in our lifetime. It took hundreds of years before a Black man became president, and we have yet to see any woman become president. So for a trans woman, I really don't think so.
Being trans, in general, is taboo, so even if a trans lady ran for the Oval Office, even in stealth, she'd be outed and demonized for it, even if she were open from the beginning. Like I said, society has a long way to go before we as Trans* people are treated as equals.
Monika: Are you into fashion? What sort of outfits do you gravitate toward, any favorite styles, colors, or trends?
Christina: I'm not really big into fashion. If I like a piece of clothing, I'll wear it. I don't really care whether it's a current trend of the "in" thing, I'm too old for that. Generally, I dress casual, jeans or capris and a top.
Occasionally a dress, if the situation calls for it. I may wear heels, though I don't wear anything extreme. I love my sandals and have really taken a recent liking to flip-flops.
I'd say I'd rather dress comfortably and sexy. Sexy isn't really who I am, if anything I'm a little tomboyish, but very little. I'm not flashy and never plan to be. I think it helps me blend into the public when I'm out. I honestly spent a little time studying women my age in public when I first started to transition, noticing what they wore. I think it's better for me to blend in than to stand out like a sore thumb.
Monika: How do you feel about transgender beauty pageants?
Christina: I'm a little torn on this subject, to be honest. On one side, a lot of girls want to be beauty queens, both trans and cis. My issue comes more from the separation and stereotyping that comes with transgender beauty pageants specifically. That said, there are some very beautiful trans women out there, and they do deserve a place to show off their beauty. I'm just not one of them.
Monika: Are you active in your local LGBT community?
Christina: Yes, actually. I do some Trans* advocacy work and some volunteer work for a few Trans* support groups. In fact, I was just in Harrisburg to help a good friend of mine out at their booth for a Trans* support group at Central PA Pride. I also have in the works a regular meeting where I'll be talking with Trans* youth, trying to help them along their way and, naturally, avoid the mistakes I made.
Monika: Do you see marriage or family in your future? What role does love play in your life right now?
Christina: Well, I already have a family, I have three wonderful children. As far as marriage, I'm not sure. For me to get married again, that person would have to be very special.
As for love, it's always important, but right now the love of my family and friends is all I need. I'm not ready to start dating, I want to be happy with myself before I date anyone. Plus, I really don't need a relationship making everything more complicated. My life is already complicated enough with my transition alone. I think if I met the right person, then who knows, but I'm really not going out looking.
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| Hanging out at a restaurant/bar with some friends. |
Monika: What advice would you give transgender women who are afraid to transition early because of discrimination and hatred?
Christina: Don't be afraid, I was very scared when I started, just like many of us. The first time I went shopping I nearly had a panic attack in the store. I've learned that, in general, people couldn't care less what you're doing. I've been all over the women's department, in guy mode, for that matter, and no one cares. People, in general, are so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't care what you're doing.
Monika: Once that first hurdle passes, what helps someone keep moving forward?
Christina: Another piece of advice, don't let other people make up your mind for you. You may feel alone, but you're not. There really are a lot of us out there, and our numbers grow every day. If you have the need to transition, then do it. Fear is the enemy. It's very scary at first, so if you have to start slow, maybe a few hours at home before working your way up to going out in public, that's fine. The more you do it, the more comfortable you'll be.
Monika: Any practical resources you'd point women toward as they build their confidence?
Christina: Also, practice makes perfect. YouTube has some great tutorials on makeup, hair, pretty much everything like that. As far as clothes, before you buy anything, spend a few weeks observing other women, note how they dress, how they walk, how they act. Everything you can learn can always help you build the confidence you need.
Monika: What's your next step right now, and where do you picture yourself in five to seven years?
Christina: Right now my next step is to start facial hair removal. Although HRT has done a great job slowing my facial hair, I need to get it taken care of.
Another step would be getting to the point of being full-time, though that's a bigger goal. I've already legally changed my name, and my gender marker has already been changed, so I can really go full-time once I find another job.
In five to seven years, I really hope to be done with my transition, to have had my surgery, and to just be able to live as myself and finally be truly happy.
Monika: Would you say you're a happy woman these days?
Christina: I'd say I'm a work in progress. I'm happier now than I have ever been. I still have issues with depression and dysphoria, but even that has lessened. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now, and one day I'll be there.
Monika: Christina, thank you so much for this conversation.
All the photos: courtesy of Christina Warburton.
© 2013 - Monika Kowalska
