Interview with Tina Madison White

Tina Madison White is a remarkable transwoman whose journey blends professional achievement, personal resilience, and heartfelt storytelling. She has built an impressive career as a commercial and investment banker, management consultant, business information manager, and organization strategist, navigating highly demanding industries while quietly carrying the weight of a deeply personal journey toward self-discovery. Tina is also the author of the memoir Between Shadow and Sun: A Husband's Journey Through Gender - A Wife's Labor of Love, a deeply honest account that began as a love letter to her children and evolved into a reflection on identity, family, love, and the pursuit of authenticity. Married to her wife Mary for eighteen years, Tina emphasizes the importance of empathy, communication, and enduring love in both personal and societal contexts, showing how transition can be a shared journey that touches everyone around you. Her story offers valuable insights into the challenges and triumphs of embracing one’s true self later in life, the emotional labor of reconnecting with family, and the ways transwomen can navigate and contribute to broader communities without being defined solely by their gender. Beyond her professional and literary accomplishments, Tina is deeply engaged in advocacy, supporting transgender rights and fostering understanding across diverse audiences.

 

She approaches life with a rare combination of practicality, reflection, and compassion, demonstrating that authenticity, connection, and courage are at the heart of true happiness, and that living openly and honestly can inspire others to embrace their own truths. Tina’s path was not easy, and she has spoken candidly about the emotional struggles she faced for most of her life, feeling disconnected despite outward success. She has highlighted the importance of creating meaningful bonds with people outside the transgender community and of fostering empathy on all sides. Tina also takes a thoughtful approach to media representation, advocating for honest portrayals that emphasize identity and character rather than sensationalism. She is passionate about education, both for the public and within the workplace, helping others understand the challenges and strengths of transgender people. Tina remains deeply connected to her children and grandchildren, sharing her story as a way to bridge generational understanding. Her work and life illustrate that the pursuit of authenticity, love, and connection can transform not only individual lives but also the communities around them.

 

Monika: Today I have the great honor of speaking with Tina Madison White, a remarkable transwoman who has forged a distinguished career as a commercial and investment banker, management consultant, business information manager, and organization strategist. Tina, it is such a pleasure to have you here.

Tina: Thank you so much, Monika! I’m delighted to be here and to have the chance to share my experiences and reflections with you. It’s a real joy to connect and talk about the personal and professional journey that has shaped who I am today.

Monika: Could you tell us a little about yourself and share what has shaped your journey so far?

Tina: Certainly. I have had a wonderful life so far. I am the proud parent of five children and five grandchildren. My wife, Mary, and I have been together for eighteen years, and just last week a tourist remarked, “You two cannot possibly have been married so long: you are too happy!” I have also been fortunate enough to attend some excellent universities and to work for some incredible companies. I am grateful for the opportunities I have had, both personally and professionally, that helped shape who I am today.

 

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Monika: Despite your accomplishments, did you face challenges in your personal life that were difficult to overcome?

Tina: Yes, absolutely. For most of my life, I felt deeply miserable. On the outside, I appeared happy, but inside, I was constantly confused and alone. I struggled to be the man that everyone admired, but I felt empty. I found it difficult to feel truly connected to my family, my faith, and my friends. These internal conflicts were exhausting and often isolating. I now realize that acknowledging these feelings was the first step toward authentic happiness.

Monika: When did you realize that living authentically as a woman was the path you needed to follow?

Tina: A few years ago, as thoughts of suicide grew stronger, I finally decided to stop trying to be a man and instead embrace the woman I had always felt inside. Accepting my true identity was both terrifying and liberating, but it has allowed me to experience happiness in a way I never thought possible. I feel more aligned with myself and with the world around me than ever before. Every day now feels like an opportunity to live fully and honestly.

Monika: What motivated you to write your autobiography, and is it true that it began as a love letter to your children?

Tina: Yes. When I started, I wasn’t thinking about writing a book. My children are the most precious thing in the world to me. I loved being their father. They loved and admired me. I hated the thought of taking that person away from them.

Monika: How did you approach writing it in a way that would convey your feelings to your children?

Tina: I lay awake nights wondering how I could explain my actions to my children. Finally, I got up one night and just started to write. I wrote about all of my secrets, who I was, and what I had struggled with. I wanted them to know how deeply I loved them. People tell me that my book is really honest, and I think that is because I was writing it for my children.
Monika: Your book is very honest, yet it does not go into much detail about sex or sexual fantasies. Did those aspects play any role in your transition?

Tina: No, I’m not saying that. But I don’t think that a woman has to take her clothes off in order to tell the world her story. That is the biggest thing I would like to change in the way the media portrays us. We would never ask Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, or Angela Merkel to share their sex lives in order to tell their life story. It might sell copies, but it wouldn’t contribute to any serious understanding of who they are. I was open about anything that helps to understand who I really am.
Monika: Which parts of your journey do you think could be helpful or inspiring to other transwomen?

Tina: That is difficult to say. We are all so unique. One of the most wonderful parts about being a transwoman is that when we gather together, it feels like meeting the entire world at once. There are so many cultures, countries, lifestyles, and careers represented. It is inspiring to see such diversity and to recognize the many paths we can take.

Monika: Are there lessons from your experience that you apply to your relationships with both family and people outside the transgender community?

Tina: If I had to pick something I might have to offer, it would be my general success at reconnecting with my family and connecting with people outside our community. I am proud of my identity as a transwoman, but I want to be connected to the whole world, not just to our community. I try hard to understand the perspectives of people who are not transgender. I have learned that if I want them to celebrate my life, I need to celebrate who they are, too. I think that sometimes we become so defensive that we lose our sense of empathy for others, and that can prevent meaningful connection.

With her wife Mary. Courtesy of Tina Madison White.

 

Monika: Why did you choose to involve your wife in writing your book?

Tina: In truth, I wrote most of the book. Mary doesn’t care to write, but I tried to include as much of her voice as possible. I included many of her letters to me and our conversations together. Her input and perspective are reflected throughout, and she wrote a beautiful foreword.

Monika: How important was it to capture Mary’s perspective in the story?

Tina: Capturing Mary’s perspective and experience was really important for the book. Transitioning is a family event, and everyone is involved. It was essential to show that our journey was not just about me, but about how it affected and involved those closest to me.

Monika: What message about relationships and love do you hope readers take away from your book?

Tina: If you want to understand us, you need to do so in the context of our relationships. Don’t focus on our clothing, surgeries, or sexual preferences, because that is shallow. Focus on our struggle to find our authentic selves and to reconnect with those we love. Mary’s and my story is about the universal human struggle to find identity and love. I wanted to understand what it felt like for the real me to feel touched by another soul, and Mary wanted to understand the constancy of life-long love. How could we write the book without each other? Neither of us can be fully understood without the other.
Monika: That is inspiring, but do you think every couple should stay together when one partner undergoes a transition?

Tina: Not at all. That is a very personal decision. If Mary and I had been in our twenties, we might have separated. If we hadn’t been so deeply in love, we might have followed separate futures. What I would suggest is that couples dealing with transition support each other lovingly and give the process some time. Transition is very hard, but like any defining moment in life, it can also be profoundly beautiful. It’s up to you.
Monika: At what point in your life did you stop trying to live as a man and begin embracing your true self as a woman, and how challenging was that process?

Tina: I never transitioned into a woman. I stopped trying to transition into a man. But I know what you mean. As society understands it, I transitioned into womanhood in my early fifties. It was a very difficult process.

Monika: What part of transitioning as an older adult did you find the most challenging?

Tina: At my age, the most difficult part was probably the emotional re-development. I needed to allow my inner child, the female I had repressed all those years, to emerge and grow. At the same time, I had to continue to function as a mature adult for everyone else. My family and colleagues depended on me, so balancing my own growth with my responsibilities was demanding.

Monika: How did you navigate the practical and personal aspects of discovering womanhood later in life?

Tina: You don’t simply transition into a mature woman. You have to define what womanhood means to you, and that can only come through experience. As a result, I had to go through all the trials that younger girls experience, like figuring out what kind of lipstick to wear, what it feels like to wear a short skirt, and whether gossip magazines are fun to read. To everyone else, this might seem laughably trivial, but for me it was very important. I was discovering what it meant to be a woman and how to express myself authentically. I often wished I could have disappeared for a year or two while I worked through that stage, and I’m sure my family felt the same way.

Courtesy of Tina Madison White.

 

Monika: When you were transitioning, did you look for transgender role models to guide or inspire you, and how important were they?

Tina: Yes. Since I was a middle-aged businessperson, I looked for other examples of transwomen who were successful in business and academia. I was pleasantly surprised to find role models across many industries and countries. I captured some of them on my website, and seeing their achievements gave me hope and direction.

Monika: Which individuals stood out to you the most, and why did they leave an impression?

Tina: A few stood out for me, including Margaret Stumpp, the Chief Investment Officer for Prudential’s investment management subsidiary, QMA; Lynn Conway, an executive at IBM, Memorex, and Xerox; Gina Duncan, a mortgage banker at Wells Fargo; Rachael Padman, an astrophysicist at Cambridge; Leandra Vicci, a research executive at the University of North Carolina; and Dr. Rebecca Allison, Chief of Cardiology at CIGNA. Their accomplishments showed me that professional excellence and authenticity could coexist, and they became personal inspirations.

Monika: Did you also find role models outside traditional professional paths, and what did that teach you?

Tina: Yes, I also found women who forged careers as airline pilots, police officers, ministers, therapists, lawyers, school teachers, small business owners, and truck drivers. Our path is a difficult one, but I learned that we can strive to be anything we want. Seeing people succeed in such diverse fields reinforced the idea that gender should not limit our ambitions or our dreams.

Monika: Today, are there particular transgender individuals you deeply admire and respect?

Tina: All of them, and transmen too. Anyone who can survive this is incredibly brave and talented. They all have such interesting stories to share, and they have had to examine society in ways that few people ever have.

END OF PART 1

PART 2

 

All photos: courtesy of Tina Madison White.

The main photo credit: Cassandra Storm.

© 2016 - Monika Kowalska

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